Thursday, September 04, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: From bizbilla.com Dr.K.K

It's difficult to parse what's least trustworthy from this subject header:

  • that a doctor is sending this
  • that his name is something you text back to someone just to let them know you got their text
  • bizbilla.com

If the greeting is impersonal and plural, I'm out.

Dear Sirs,

I changed my mind. I am in.

We are in much pleasure to introduce ourselves us one of the leading Global Web portal development and online marketing Company from India.

(emerges from pit of pleasure, brushes self off) No, no, it is I who am very much in pleasure to receive this. Please, tell me more about India-based web portal development, for such pleasure is typically illegal in the United States.

In this regard we have planned to publish online all your business commercials of your newspaper or magazine or any printed edition of your product that you market.

Please excuse my ignorance, Dr. K. K, as you are a doctor who speaks doctor-speak and I am a mere publications manager, but with regard to everything you've just said: wtf are you even talking about?

Also we will do get Public and business people as subscribers for your products to increase your circulations.

Judging by this email, there is no doubt in my mind you will be able to convince, with words, people who enjoy reading to subscribe to our newspaper. Finally I can just sit back and let the circulations take flight.

For the above two services we expect to provide us a free advertisement space of your confirming size for our online business product regularly thru your editions.

Please, take a full back page in color to advertise your India-based nonsense business in our community weekly newspaper. It's the least we can do since you've promised to increase our "circulations" and publish all of our commercials, of which we have none, but that's our fault. I've been trying to gain funding for a local cable access commercial that is just me riding a mechanical bull and screaming "COME ON DOWN TO OUR NEWSPAPER STORE - WE GOT NEWSPAPERS, YOU CAN READ 'EM AND STUFF, OH NELLY"

Kindly view this link:
http://www.bizbilla.com/business-with-press-media/


No thank you.

This is a new generation business which we need it essentially as the global market and the peoples are exploring every day thru online businesses.

I want to cover that sentence in gasoline and burn it to the ground and then I want to burn the ashes and then I will burn THOSE ashes just to make sure it's dead and then I will scatter the ashes in four different parts of the world that have unlivable climates. Also, OK.

So we request you kindly to send your tariffs

TARIFFS LOL pretty sure you dialed the wrong century. J/k I will send the tariffs, just as soon as I draw some water from the well to help treat my indentured servant of TB.

to the below address or attachment thru our form provided in the below link or you shall send thru the above given link or thru our mail id sgbcglobal@gmail.com

Yes but do you have any means by which I can send the tariffs?

We also generate numerous business opportunities and job opportunities for young generation, fresh graduates, Engineering graduates, business entrepreneurs and for all global people who have little English and online knowledge.

That you've cornered the market of people "who have little English and online knowledge" is the only believable thing about this email. Ain't that right, little English?

Little English: Ruff!

We hope you have understood the business model

DON'T PATRONIZE ME, SPAM EMAIL.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I make $20 for each 20 minute survey!

Guess what? This is exactly what large companies are paying for. They need to know what their customer base needs and wants. So these companies pay millions of dollars per month to the average person. In return, the average person, myself included, answers some questions and gives them their opinion.