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Nextdoor post of the week

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"DEAR CENTAUR GOPAL, THE GARBAGE DUMP SMELLS TOO BAD AND MADE ME BARF TWICE. I KNOW YOU ARE AWARE OF THE PROBLEM BUT NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT MY THROW UP. PLEASE FIX ASAP. THANKS, B-MAGGS"

THERE ARE 47 COMMENTS HERE BUT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS MOSTLY ON BARBARA'S BECAUSE THEY ARE GOOD



OKAY SO THIS ONE'S NOT SO GOOD




"SO FIRST YOU MADE ME DRIVE AROUND THE DUMP WITH THIS WOMAN AT 4 IN THE MORNING AND THEN YOU GAVE HER MY CELL PHONE NUMBER, WTF?" - TINTON FALLS ENGINEER



YEAH MAYBE LET'S NOT COMPARE THIS TO THE HOLOCAUST




SEEMS TO BE A LEGITIMATE ISSUE AND I APPLAUD THE EFFORT BUT MAYBE WE DON'T WANT BARBARA IN CHARGE OF THIS FIGHT





"IT WAS A FAX"

NEVERTHELESS AMY KEPT CALLING THE FAX NUMBER AFTER HOURS

AMAZING THAT "THE PEOPLE OF TINTON FALLS" HAVE NOT RESOLVED THIS ISSUE




"DEAR LAWYERS, PLEASE USE THE ATTACHED FORM I COMPLETED FOR TRIAL IN SUPREME COURT, PLEASE IGNORE THE SHADOWS, I PRINTED THIS OUT AS A JPG FROM THE SOCIAL MEDIA SITE…

Teaser links of the week

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SIGN NO. 1: YOU HAVE ENORMOUS BREASTS

I'M NOT A SOLDIER BUT THIS PHOTO CAPTURES ARMY LIFE BETTER THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER READ OR WATCHED

DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW IF THEY SERVED IN THE ARMY AND THEY'RE CONSULTING THIS LIST TO FIND OUT

IF SO THOSE ARE PROLLY NOT THE PEOPLE WE WANT IN THE ARMY

NOT SURE IF THIS IS A FUN LISTICLE OR IF IT'S SAYING THESE SIGNS OF SERVING IN THE ARMY ARE EXPLICIT AND YOU SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO CLICK

JUDGING BY THE PHOTO SEEMS LIKE THE LATTER




LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S READY FOR THE ARMY

"YOU MAY LIKE"

*MAY*

AS IF COMPETING "JENNIFER ANISTON LEAVING LITTLE TO THE IMAGINATION" ARTICLES ARE NOT THE ONLY REASON I LOG ON EVERY DAY




AH THIS HELPFUL SCIENCE DIAGRAM EXPLAINS IT IN LAYMAN'S TERMS

WHO NEEDS ARMS AND A PENIS WHEN YOU HAVE SIX-PACK ABS

I WONDER IF IT'S OVALTINE

HEALTH MD ... SOUNDS LEGIT

GONNA CREATE A SITE CALLED "LAWYER, ESQ" WITH ARTICLES LIKE "TRY THIS ONE CRAZY TRICK AND WATCH YOUR CLIENTS&…

Teaser links of the week

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COO

BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THE DECISION IN THE HEADLIN

THAT'S CALLED BURYING THE LED




FINALLY

YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP
EATIN' MAD PIES SON
WHATCHU THINK THIS IS IHOP
NAH FAM, LET'S GET OUR PIE ON

FROM THE TRACK "YOU CAN FIND ME AT THE PIE SHOP"

A PIE SHOP IS A THING




PFFT IT'S SO EASY TO BAFFLE CHIROPRACTORS

IN THEIR DEFENSE HOWEVER I AM *ALSO* BAFFLED AS TO WHY THEY GAVE STRETCHING LADY THOSE STRETCH ARMSTRONG-ASS ARMS

WHATEVER, I SUPPOSE THE POINT IS THAT SHE FINALLY FOUND THE SIMPLE STRETCH TO SOLVE ALL THE BACK PAIN

SO THAT'S OVER

SUCKS FOR CHIROPRACTORS BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY STILL HAVE NECKS




I MEAN C'MON

CHIROPRACTORS: [STUNNED] FOILED BY NECKRELAX.COM AGAIN, OUR CAREERS ARE WORTHLESS

THAT DEVICE LOOKS GOOD AND SAFE AND EASY TO USE AND LIKE IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL AND I'M 90 PERCENT SURE THAT WOMAN IS ALIVE




IMAGINE A CHIROPRACTOR WAS IN THE AUDIENCE

TALK ABOUT A BAD WEEK OF NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

AS FOR ME, I LI…

Facebook meme of the week

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WILD HORSES COULDN'T STOP ME FROM TYPING "YES"




"THIS PICTURE OF A COWBOY IN AN OVERCOAT WALKING BETWEEN A HORSE AND A SMALLER COWBOY HAS REMINDED ME THAT NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CHURCH THESE DAYS"

MAKES SENSE

NOT TO BE A HORSE'S ASS BUT: *FEWER* BELIEVERS

ALSO: COMMAS CANNOT BE ELLIPSES

ALSO: WHAT

ELIZABETH WRIGHT IS THE FIRST KNOWN "PERSON" TO HAVE HER FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED AFTER READING FACEBOOK COMMENTS




ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS ABOUT OLDER FOLKS IS HOW THEY'RE ABLE TO ACCIDENTALLY ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN FUMBLING THEIR WAY THROUGH TECHNOLOGY, SUCH AS MANAGING TO INSERT A COMMA BELOW A "K" ON A FACEBOOK COMMENT

YOU COULD GIVE ME A MONTH TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT AND I WOULD FAIL

OTHER THAN THAT THOUGH THIS COMMENT IS PERFECT AND USES PREPOSITIONS WELL AND IS NOT MISSING ANY WORDS AND IS NOT SEEMINGLY TARGETED AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR AND HAS STRICTLY ADHERED TO THE INSTRUCTIONS TO "TYPE 'YES'&q…

Nextdoor posts of the week

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DJ ELECTRA IS BACK ON LAND FOLKS

"A PROFESSIONAL DJ *AND* MOTIVATOR" WHERE DOES SHE FIND THE TIME

PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER: IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL DJ *AND* MOTIVATOR, CARE TO ELABORATE?

DJ ELECTRA: I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY OF INTERVIEWS AND YOU'D RATHER BE HOME, BUT WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, AND WAVE 'EM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE

PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER: (HANDS UP) WOW YOU'RE GOOD

DJ ELECTRA LIVES IN WALL, HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL AS THERE IS NO OTHER CONTACT INFORMATION

PLEASE LOOK UP DJ ELECTRA IN THE YELLOW PAGES UNDER "SERVICE > REASONABLE DJS" OR "MOTIVATORS"

SHE IS LISTED UNDER "DJ ELECTRA!!!" THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS

ANYTHING FEWER THAN THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS IS THE WRONG DJ ELECTRA; ANYTHING MORE IS ABSURD

GOOD LUCK




LOOKS LIKE SUSAN REMEMBERED TO ADD DJ ELECTRA'S CONTACT INFO BUT I ENJOY THIS POST MUCH MORE ON ITS OWN AND OUT OF CONTEXT

"I WAS SCROLLING THROUGH NEXTDO…

Anatomy of a Twitter exchange

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If you’ve read The Man in the Garlic Tuxedo(and if you haven't, WHY NOT?), you know that my father-in-law has one of the more fascinating if infrequently utilized Twitter feeds in the Twitterverse. It’s so underutilized, in fact, that it sometimes opens itself up to hacking, which only adds to the overall quality:

Rayban 80th Anniversary Sale,All Made in a Legitimate Factory,Come With New Box And Certificates!>> rbusnu,com — Tony Ursino (@bklynrlty) January 1, 2017
Classic. But I had noticed some curious action recently from my father-in-law on Twitter that included him congratulating, in separate cases, the Colts Neck Police Department and Bill Gates, which, sure, I guess. But I’ve never known him to be passionate about either of those things, so I wondered whether he’d been hacked again, and I explored this possibility by examining his Twitter timeline. 

The jury's still out, mainly because it's nearly impossible to differentiate an actual tweet from one a foreign bot …

Facebook meme of the week

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I REALIZE THERE'S A LOT GOING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW BUT I GOTTA ASK



WELL





"U MAKE SOUND MEATLOAF IS PREHISTORIC" IS THE MEATLOAF OF COMMENTS

I MEAN DAMN PAT INGLES- COMMENTS AREN'T LIKE A MEATLOAF RECIPE WHERE YOU CAN JUST THROW A BUNCH OF WORDS IN THERE, MIX IT ALL AROUND AND HOPE IT WORKS OUT





IF YOU SHOWED ME THIS MEME AND TOLD ME SOMEONE NAMED DICK DODSON COMMENTED ON IT BUT I HAD TO GUESS THE COMMENT, THIS WOULD BE MY EXACT GUESS, VERBATIM





THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE




DAMN GIRL OK WE GET IT

IMAGINING THIS IS THE "SEACREST, OUT" OF SOUTHERN WOMEN AND MARILYN ENDS EVERY CONVERSATION WITH AN EMPHATIC "PIQUANT SAUCE"




OH FOR REAL






YOU CAN'T GET IN THE MEATLOAF? HOW IRONIC. ALSO THIS RESTAURANT SOUNDS AWFUL AND YOUR OTHER FAVORITE RESTAURANT IS DEFINITELY GOLDEN CORRAL



I AM HONESTLY GOING TO THROW UP, HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE




WHO SAYS WE CAN'T HAVE PRODUCTIVE DIS