Posts

Nextdoor posts of the week

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FILED UNDER CRIME AND SAFETY

ANYONE HAVE ANY LEADS

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT DAN IS OK

NO CHARGES WERE FILED IN THE CASE

THE VICTIM CITED HIS CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES AND WANTED TO GIVE THE SUSPECT A SECOND CHANCE AT A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

IMAGINE DAN LIVING IN A MODERATELY DIVERSE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH EVEN A REMOTE CHANCE OF ACTUAL CRIME HAPPENING

"HELLO POLICE, DAN AGAIN-- SOMEONE IS PEEING IN MY BUSHES WHILE GIVING ME THE MIDDLE FINGER AND I CAN SEE IT ON MY RING DEVICE ... WAIT, THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER ... MY RING DEVICE IS BROKEN, COME QUICKLY WE'RE UNDER ATTACK"

I MEAN THE VIDEO IS THREE SECONDS OF THIS DUDE WALKING BY AND 18 SECONDS OF FRONT LAWN




FOR REAL





NICE WORK BENJAMIN



GREAT SHAPE EXCEPT FOR THE VERY VISIBLE AND UNPLEASANT RIPS

MY UNCLE IS IN GREAT SHAPE EXCEPT FOR THE EMPHYSEMA

OUT OF CURIOSITY HOW IS THAT FIXED OTHER THAN WITH ELECTRICAL TAPE

THIS IS ALSO NOT A COUCH IMO

SO TO RECAP: NOT A COUCH, NOT IN GREAT SHAPE, CAN'T BE FIXED

I'LL TAKE IT





WE'LL T…

Facebook meme of the week

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DEAR GRANDSON I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE THE MOON AND KITES AND GUITARS AND BEDAZZLED HEARTS AND DOGS AND ICE CREAM AND ROCKETS SO I MADE YOU THIS ... THING

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IT'S ONLY $5.99



FYI FRAME IS NOT INCLUDED

AND DON'T WORRY, THE OUTSTANDING GRAPHICS WILL DRAW EYES AWAY FROM THE RANDOM CHANGES IN FONT COLOR WHICH NO ONE WILL NOTICE

THIS IS THE PERFECT POSTER FOR ANY GRANDSON'S BEDROOM, LOOKS GREAT IN BETWEEN A POSTER OF STEPH CURRY AND A PICTURE OF SELENA GOMEZ WEARING A BIKINI THAT WAS RIPPED OUT OF US WEEKLY

BUT THIS ALSO WORKS AS A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED MEME

ONLY THREE COMMENTS WHICH IS SURPRISING BUT LET'S SEE IF THEY CAPTURE THE SPIRIT OF THIS CREATIVE PROJECT


I'M SORRY THIS CANNOT BE FOR MAMA, THIS IS VERY EXPLICITLY ONLY FOR GRANDSONS

I MEAN C'MON ANTHONIK, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT GENERATION

DID YOU EVEN READ THE MEME, I HIGHLY DOUBT YOUR MAMA LIKES ROCKET SHIPS THAT MUCH

ANTHONIKY SMITHIGRANDMAMA ... THIS IS FOR YOUME, THANK YOU. MY LOVE …

Nextdoor posts of the week

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ME: WHO WILL TAKE PICTURES OF ME AND MY HORSES

THEM: HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SOCIAL MEDIA SITE NEXTDOOR

ME: NO I THOUGHT THAT WAS FOR LIKE GARAGE SALES AND ADULT DIAPERS

THEM: NO IT IS FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE, IT CAN MAKE ALL OF YOUR WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE

ME: WOW BUT HERE'S THE THING-- NOT ONLY DO I WANT PICTURES OF ME AND MY HORSES, I WANT OPTIONS

THEM: LISTEN I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THE PERFECT HORSE PHOTOGRAPHER ON NEXTDOOR, ALL I'M SAYING IS GIVE IT A TRY




ME: THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE, NOW IF I COULD ONLY FIND MY FRIEND CORNLIUS A HANYMAN




CORNELIUS NEEDS A HANYMAN

CORNELIUS WALKED THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR BY ACCIDENT WHILE CHASING A FLY OUT OF THE HOUSE AND NOW HE NEEDS A NEW HANY FOR IT

BUT HE'S NOT GOOD AT INSTALLING A HANY WHICH IS WHY CORNELIUS NEEDS A HANYMAN




I HAVE A CRAZY IDEA DID YOU CONSIDER CALLING AMIGOS INSTEAD OF ASKING RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET

ALSO I APPLAUD YOUR STRATEGY OF PASSIVELY WAITING FOR THIN…

Nextdoor posts of the week

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GET YOUR BEACH BODY BY BODY BY BADGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY ... ED

TEXT THREAD:

"YOU'RE INVITED TO MY BBQ AND IT'S BYOB"

"COOL BUT FIRST I GOTTA BBBBBB"

"WOW WHAT IS THAT"

"BEACH BODY BY BODY BY BADGE"

"SOUNDS DOPE CAN I TRY"

"I DON'T KNOW ARE YOU A BB"

"WHAT'S THAT"

"BRAVE BOY"

"YES"

"OK LET'S DO THIS SO WE CAN BYOBB"

"WHAT'S THE EXTRA 'B' FOR"

"THAT'S A TYPO"




OK I GUESS




HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY DO YOUR DOGS PISS ON THE CARPETS

WE'RE RUNNING A MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL ON OUR STATE-OF-THE-ART PET PISS DETECTOR 3000, PERFECT FOR THAT SPECIAL MOM WHO HATES DOG PISS

HOLD UP THO




PHONE CALL

RICH: HELLO IS THIS BILL

EARLE: ACTUALLY IT'S EARLE, BILL IS MY NEXTDOOR PSEUDONYM, IS THIS RICH

RICH: YES, WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING

EARLE: NO REASON, LISTEN TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE PISS DETECTOR MACHINE

MARTHA: /FROM UPSTAIRS/ EARLE! WHO ARE YOU TALKING T…

Nextdoor post of the week

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LOT TO TAKE IN HERE

SO LET'S BREAK THIS BABY DOWN

We built a raised garden bed and had cleared the ground in front of it with anticipation of putting a nice edger around the garden with river rock.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR RAISED GARDEN BED

ASSUMING THOSE PLANS WORKED OUT FINE

The weather this week killed me and I am running out of time to finish it because I travel a lot for work and took off this week.

YOU TOOK OFF WORK TO FINISH YOUR GARDEN?

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF TIME

IS THIS LIKE THE MOVIE SPEED WHERE IF YOU DON'T FINISH YOUR GARDEN IN 55 HOURS A BUS FULL OF PEOPLE WILL EXPLODE

"BOSS I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY TRAVEL SCHEDULE ... YES IT'S ABOUT THE GARDEN AGAIN ... LISTEN I JUST NEVER HAD A GARDEN GROWING UP AND THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME"

Anyone handy, in the gardening space?

TO BE CLEAR YOU'RE *NOT* ASKING IF ANYONE IS HANDY WHEN IT COMES TO ATTIC INSULATION?

Need help getting the supplies from the home ore as well.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW SUPPLIES…

MSN quick links of the week

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WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO

AS IF I HAVEN'T PORED OVER DONKEY KONG COUNTRY: TROPICAL FREEZE TO FULLY APPRECIATE ITS MAGNIFICENT DETAILS

I MEAN C'MON




BUSINESS INSIDER READERS FRUSTRATED ABOUT HEADLINES ARE HAVING BAD GRAMMAR

BOOM ROASTED, BUSINESS INSIDER




THIS PHOTO ACTUALLY MAKES ME WANT TO DRINK A GALLON OF GASOLINE

WTF





BEEN TRYIN' TO READ THE TEA LEAVES ON THE CHICKEN WING MARKET BEFORE MAKING MY SUMMER PLANS

SO THIS IS WELCOME NEWS

NOW I CAN GO ALL OUT ON OTHER SUMMER ESSENTIALS SUCH AS RAVIOLI AND BAND AIDS




I HAVE NO IDEA

THIS IS LIKE A FREAKY FRIDAY WHERE THE HEADLINES ARE ASKING ME THE QUESTIONS

AND I DON'T LIKE IT

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO THINK




THIS HEADLINE IS MISSING LIKE EIGHT WORDS

OR IS IT A TYPO

"WASH"

DID THEY WASH HIM

THAT WOULD BE WEIRD BUT IT KINDA MAKES MORE SENSE THAN WHATEVER THIS IS



A PENIS?

AGAIN, CAME HERE FOR ANSWERS AND AM LEAVING WITH MORE QUESTIONS

"NEW SCIENCE"

NEW ENGLISH PROVES THAT WORDS WITH THIS LETTER H…

Facebook memes of the week

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FOUND A DOPE NEW FACEBOOK PAGE CALLED HAPPY GRANDMA

*HOW* DOPE YOU ASK

BOUT TO HIT YOU OFF WITH THE REALNESS




THIS TYPE OF BITING COMMENTARY IS TIMELESS

BUT USING A MINION ADDS A CONTEMPORARY FLAVOR THAT SPEAKS TO THE MODERN HOUSEWIFE

IF ANYONE SHOULD BE MAKING MAN VS. WOMAN OBSERVATIONS IN 2018 IT'S A SITE CALLED HAPPY GRANDMA

YOU KNOW WHAT, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE WASTING TIME CRITICIZING THIS ON MY DAY OFF





HATE TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS BUT NOT *EVERYONE* IN HAPPY GRANDMA CLUB CAN HAVE THE BEST GRANDKIDS

"BEARER" WAS A PUN BECAUSE THIS MEME FEATURES A BEAR WITH A RABBIT ON ITS BACK AND ALSO A BEAR AND A RABBIT RIDING A UNICYCLE

WHICH-- SURE WHY NOT

THE FIRST RULE OF HAPPY GRANDMA CLUB IS "THROW A BEAR AND A RABBIT RIDING A UNICYCLE ON THERE"




DOES THIS FLOPPY-HAIRED RED SOX FAN KNOW HE'S BEING USED TO ADVANCE THE GRANDMA AGENDA

I'M IMAGINING THE THINGS THIS KID PROBABLY SAYS ON THE REGS AND THIS IS DEF NOT ONE OF THEM

SEEMS MORE LIKE THE "GRAND…