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Internet stuff of the week

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ENJOYING THIS STOCK PHOTO OF A WOMAN KNITTING "F*** YOU, BARBARA" INTO AN AFGHAN




THIS IS A PARODY OF A BUZZFEED HEADLINE RIGHT

KUDOS TO THEDAY TRADINGROOM-- NAILED IT

20 THINGS IS SO MANY THINGS TO IDENTIFY AS SPECIFICALLY RELATING TO ONE BREED OF CAT BUT OK

ALSO AT FIRST I THOUGHT COON CAT WAS THE BREED AND THIS WAS TARGETED ONLY AT PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MAINE *AND* OWN COON CATS, WHICH IS ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE ABSURD

ANYWAY

WAS WONDERING IF ANY MORE PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ARE LIVING IN GORGEOUS HOUSES WITH THEIR PARTNERS



COOL




THIS IS A GOOD ADVERTISEMENT FOR CASH ROADSTER

AFTER SEEING THIS I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT CASH ROADSTER, AND ALSO ABOUT TROY POLAMALU AND HIS BABY PARTNER

CAN'T IMAGINE A BETTER ADVERTISEMENT FOR CASH ROADSTER TBH





I STAND CORRECTED

I THOROUGHLY ENJOY THE FALSE PREMISE OF THESE TEASER LINKS

TEASER LINK: WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THE UNDERTAKER'S SON

ME: UH NONE. WAIT WHAT

TEASER LINK: WELL HAVE I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU

REAL QUICK THO-- HOW AB…

Teaser links of the week

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BIG IF TRUE

MAN'S FRIEND: SO HOW WAS PARIS

MAN: PFFFT I DON'T KNOW I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS

MAN'S FRIEND: (LOGS ON IMMEDIATELY TO EXTRA CRISPY WHICH IS HIS HOMEPAGE FOR NEWS) HOLY SH*T



DO YOU KNOW HOW PHOTOSHOP WORKS

ME: (PHOTOSHOPS GRITTY INTO BACKGROUND OF V-J DAY IN TIMES SQUARE, SUBMITS IT TO DIRECTEXPOSE)

DIRECTEXPOSE: OMG HOW DID WE NEVER NOTICE THIS

ANYWAY WHAT'S NEW WITH PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES





HARD TO BELIEVE A HANDSOME SUPERSTAR NFL QUARTERBACK HAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN MISLED BY MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE BEFORE SO ... SOLD

BUT UNTIL I'M TOLD OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT THEY DO *NOT* LIVE IN A GORGEOUS MANSION




TRADING BLVD INTERN: WHAT PHOTO SHOULD WE USE FOR THE BREAKING NDAMUKONG SUH GORGEOUS MANSION STORY? I WAS THINKING ONE WHERE HE'S PLAYING FOOTBALL OR MAYBE ONE WHERE HE'S IN FRONT OF HIS GORGEOUS MANSION

TRADING BLVD CEO: THIS ISN'T SPORTS ILLUSTRATED OR MORTGAGE AFTER LIFE SON, THIS IS GD TRADING BLVD! MY FAT…

I am Carol

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You cannot count on me but ONLY because I do not live in Colorado and also I am not Carol. This mistake is very understandable however because I used to live in Colorado Arizona and my middle name is Carol Timothy.




This is indeed very exciting news, Bridget, and you KNOW how much ya' boy (me) loves attending statewide political bus tours but unfortunately the state I live in is not Colorado. Also I am not Carol.




Hello Branden. My thirst to spend my Friday night going door-to-door to talk politics with strangers in this current political climate is UNQUENCHABLE but unfortunately I live literally thousands of miles away from the doors on which you're asking me to knock. Also, the neighbors expecting Carol would be quite taken aback when they answer the door and--surprise!--it's me, not Carol. Because I am not Carol.

(And not for nothing, Branden, but a smiley/blush face and American flag emoji would have gone a long way toward convincing me to reconsider. But as they say, n…

Teaser links of the week

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ME: /AIMLESSLY WANDERING INTERNET/ I WONDER IF OLD PEOPLE CAN DO COOL EXERCISES




THIS FIX LOOKS NEITHER SIMPLE NOR RELATED TO CONSTANT FATIGUE BUT OK GUNDRY MD




FEELS LIKE EVERY GUNDRY MD-SPONSORED TEASER FEATURES A PICTURE OF AN OLD PERSON CONTORTING HIMSELF NO MATTER WHAT THE HEADLINE IS

"SQUIRRELS MORE RABID THAN LAST YEAR CLAIM TREATMENT EXPERTS" /PICTURE OF MAN IN PRETZEL POSITION SUCKING HIS OWN BIG TOE/

ANYWAY, LOVE HOW 'PUBLISHES RESULTS' IS TRYING TO LEND LEGITIMACY TO SOMETHING CALLED 'ENERGY COCKTAIL' AND THIS PHOTO

"SUBJECT A (ME) CONSUMED ENERGY COCKTAIL AGAIN ON DAY THREE, IMMEDIATELY FELT URGE TO PERFORM CIRCUS TRICKS NEAR CENTRAL PARK; SUBJECT A (ME) BOTH POOPED AND SPLIT PANTS DURING THIS EXERCISE; WILL RETURN TO THE LAB FOR ADDITIONAL FINDINGS"




SEE NOW *THIS* LOOKS LIKE THE RESULTS YOU WANT FROM THE ENERGY COCKTAIL

THERE'S JUST GOTTA BE A WANNABE TAP-DANCING GRANDPA WHO WAS WAITING TO GO VIRAL OUT THERE SEEING THIS LIKE OH YOU GO…

Teaser links of the week

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HARD TO BELIEVE A SITE CALLED GRADUATEZ HAS A TYPO IN A TEASER LINK AD

OTHER THAN THAT THO EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE AND IS REAL

I HAVE NOT BEEN FISHING IN LIKE 15 YEARS BUT I WANT TO GO AGAIN JUST SO I CAN TAKE PICTURES AND CREATE A GOOGLE PHOTO ALBUM WITH THIS TITLE




OBSERVATIONS:

WHAT
THAT IS ONE HELLUVA FOOT
THAT IS ONE HELLUVA DOCTOR
WHY IS THE DOCTOR SO HAPPY ABOUT THE PAINFUL FOOT CRACKS
WHO KNEW THAT PAINFUL FOOT CRACKS COULD BE SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT- USUALLY PAIN MEANS EVERYTHING IS OK
WOULD HAVE GONE WITH "THESE PICTURES WAS TAKEN JUST A SECOND BEFORE HAVING PAINFUL FOOT CRACKS STOPPED BEING FUN"




AS SOMEONE WHO HAS SPENT A LIFETIME SCOURING BARNS FOR RARE AND INCREDIBLE FINDS, I FEEL BAD FOR THE PERSON WHO HAD TO WHITTLE THIS DOWN TO 50

I TYPED THAT VERY SENTENCE FROM A DOPE WORD PROCESSOR I FOUND TUCKED IN THE CORNER OF A HORSE STABLE IN '97

IT WAS COVERED IN HORSE POOP BUT WHO'S LAUGHING NOW

ANYWAY JUDGING BY THIS PICTURE, YEAH MOTOR HAS EXPANDED THE DEFI…

Facebook meme of the week

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HOW IS THIS REAL

IS ANYONE GOING TO SAY SOMETHING OR ARE WE JUST GOING WITH THIS

JUST GOING WITH IT? OK




UH IS THIS COMMENT FROM HEAVEN

THEY DON'T HAVE SPELL CHECK UP THERE? DANG




DOESN'T MATTER, YOU CAN STILL PAY YOUR RESPECTS TO THEM BY DRESSING UP LIKE ODIE FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR, I MEAN C'MON




WITH GARFIELD AS MY WITNESS I WILL MAKE IT MY LIFE'S WORK TO ENSURE THAT NO ONE EVER FORGETS GRANDMA TWEETY

#REMEMBERGRANDMATWEETY

SO IS THIS MEME TARGETED ONLY AT GRANDPARENTS NAMED AFTER CARTOON CHARACTERS

BECAUSE THEN IT ALMOST MAKES SENSE




WE CAN'T SAY AMEN ANYMORE?

FIRST THEY TAKE CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS AND NOW THIS




NO MEME IS EVER TRULY FULFILLED UNTIL SH HUMES VISITS THE COMMENTS AND DROPS SOME REALNESS




WE CAN'T SAY THAT ANYMORE




MISS MY LITTLE GRANDMA
ONLY GRANDMA I HAD
NEVER HAD A GRANDPA
WOULDA LOVED HIM SO BAD

CHORUS: LITTLE GRANDMA, LITTLE GRANDMA, THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY CALLED HER/LITTLE GRANDMA, LITTLE GRANDMA, SHE WAS SUCH A BALLER

I DON'T KNOW

SO J…

Teaser links of the week

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IS IT GRILLED CORN ON THE COB

I WOULD BET ANYTHING IT'S GRILLED CORN ON THE COB

JUST IN CASE I HAVE DISPOSED OF ALL MY GRILLED CORN ON THE COB

THANK YOU GUT DOCTOR

WHY DOES THE YELLOW OUTLINE OF GUT DOCTOR STOP AT THE TOP OF HIS HEAD

MIKE "I BEG SMARTCONSUMERTODAY TO COMPLETE OR THROW OUT THIS OUTLINE OF GUT DOCTOR NOW"

IS THIS VEGETABLE DISPOSAL DEMAND APPLICABLE TO SAY, GERMANS

"I AM GUT DOCTOR TO AMERICANS ONLY, MAGA" - GUT DOCTOR

(MAKE AMERICAN GUTS ACCEPTABLE)

ALSO THE GUT DOCTOR IS SASHA BARON COHEN, I'VE BEEN HAD




BUT I AM 40

THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN THIS HEADLINE IS THE PICTURE OF GOOD BREASTS THAT ACCOMPANIES IT

DJ RED ALERT SPINNING AT HEALTH CENTRAL EXPO AT THE JAVITS CENTER: GOOD BREASTS AT 50 STARTS WHEN /HOLDS MIC OUT TO CROWD/

CROWD: NOW

DJ RED ALERT: /SCRATCHES/ WHEN

CROWD: NOW

DJ RED ALERT: /SCRATCHES/ "LET ME CLEAR MY-" /SCRATCHES/ "BREASTS"

CROWD: GOES WILD




MICHAEL J FOX, TREE, SKY, BOOM- NEXT




THESE GOOD BREASTS AT 20 ARE …