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Facebook memes of the week

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THE PERFECT MEME
FILLS THE VOID OF 'DID YOUR GRANDMA WEAR THIS?' DISCUSSION THAT IS SORELY LACKING RIGHT NOW ✅
GLARING TYPO ✅
A+ RESPONSES ✅



MY MUM LOVED THE SMELL MEMORIES



GONNA NEED ANOTHER SOURCE ON THIS



SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT DENISE BUT SHE NEVER WORE A MOO MOO AND WAS THEREFORE A WOMAN OF HER WORD



/JEFF FOXWORTHY VOICE/ YOUR WIFE MIGHT BE A GRANDMA ... IF SHE WEARS ONE OF *THESE*! /CROWD ROARS, BILL SLUMPS IN SEAT/


BEAUTIFUL
AND SEAMLESSLY ADDRESSES THE FIVE CORE TOPICS OF THE TRADITIONAL EULOGY: DID HE/SHE WEAR A MOO MOO?RENTER OR BUYER?HOW DID THEY SPEND THE MONEY THEY CLAIMED NOT TO HAVE?LAUNDRY PROCESSYEAR OF DEATH
TOUGH TO TRANSITION FROM THERE BUT WE'LL TRY



ABSOLUTE BARE MINIMUM EFFORT ON DEVELOPING THIS 'DO YOU REMEMBER SOMETHING' MEME
STILL HAS 1,445 LIKES, 239 SHARES, AND 200 COMMENTS, ONE OF WHICH IS BOUND TO BE RACIST
I THINK BY 'ANTENNA' THEY MEAN 'KNOB' BUT WHO EFFING CARES-- WHO REMEMBERS TVS DAMMIT!


SITTING ON A FUNERAL HOME CHAIR TRYING TO CA…

Quarantine diary of fights

I decided to try and keep a running diary that lists the nature of the arguments our daughters have had with each other during quarantine. Here it is ... kind of; these are mostly from the past few days. I will try my best to update accordingly, as this is obviously an ongoing, fluid situation with no end in sight:

whether Ella really brushed her teeth

who is doing the puzzle

who is better at puzzles

whether or not Madi will live in a nursing home

Ella is shhh-ing me

Madi is copying me

whether or not Madi wants ALF to be her boyfriend

WHO (will) LET THE DOGS OUT

how long ago we threw that bug out the window

who will get Madi the banana

what time it is

whether or not Ella was looking at the microwave when she correctly guessed what time it was

whom Mom told to get the disinfectant spray and who is better at getting disinfectant spray, generally

who has the more negative attitude

who is making mean faces

if "you better be quiet during my Zoom meeting" is an appropriate thing t…

Teaser link of the week

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WONDERING IF, DURING THIS QUARANTINE, THERE ARE BIRDS




LOOKS LIKE THERE BIRDS

WHEW! HAD A PLAYA STRESSIN'

I NORMALLY DON'T CLICK ON THESE TEASER LINKS BUT ALL THIS BIRD TALK AND THIS BEAUTIFUL PHOTO HAS PIQUED MY INTEREST




"LIKE IF REDMAN WERE REALLY INTO BIRDS" - ROLLING STONE

DOES THE ALBUM HAVE A THEME




"THIS IS A CUT FROM MY NEW ALBUM 'THERE ARE BIRDS,' IT'S CALLED 'THERE ARE BIRDS'

"IT'S ABOUT HOW THERE ARE BIRDS ...

"CHECK IT OUT, UH ... PREMIER ON THE 1 AND 2S

/PREMIER DROPS BEAT/

"UH, YO, CHECK IT OUT ...

"THERE ARE BIRDS, THERE ARE BIRDS, THAT'S MY WORD, CHECK THE WORLD
OUT THERE DOIN' THEIR THING, FLASHIN' THAT BLING, LISTEN, HEAR THEM SING
SHOUTOUT TO MY HOMIE THE NORTHERN LAPWING
GOIN' ABOUT ALL THE THINGS, DURING SPRING, AIN'T NO THING
FLYIN' THE FACE OF SOCIAL DIS-TANC-ING
YO THE BIRDS ARE THERE, IN THE AIR, IN MY HAIR?, ONLY THING FOR SURE IS THAT THEY JUST DON'T CARE
WHAT'S G…

The hoop

I don’t recall a time from my young life when I wasn’t constantly playing basketball, and I don’t remember our house without the hoop out front.
Whatever vague recollection there is suggests the basketball hoop was installed when I was in maybe second grade, when my dad, a pipefitter, brought home a two-ton cylindrical metal pole he had crafted at work and then somehow, with the help of at least five friends no doubt, forged that thing into the earth a foot or so from the street, and attached the hoop with metal brackets to its required 10-foot height. There were jokes, I think, about my dad having to do it this way, his way, which is to say making the dang thing at his work while probably using a blow torch and not just buying a regular basketball hoop like everyone else. (Those who’ve read the book might recall that my dad also crafted me a metal pole at work when I needed a shepherd’s staff for my fifth-grade Christmas play, so this was on brand.) It was, however, to his credit, …

Character (f'in) counts

Everyone is full of contradictions. Our daughters, however, as they do with all things, take it to another level.

I used to write often about their issues related to adoption, but I don’t much anymore because I no longer write columns for a newspaper, they’re getting older and I don’t want to hijack their stories and, honestly? I’m exhausted. Just know this: They’re both very close to the school counselor. AS ARE WE.

So. Their school has a program where they recognize a student in each grade monthly for having high character. Our girls have never won this award. This is not a surprise! When she was in third grade our oldest wrote “poop” on another student’s pencil case … during CCD, for absolutely no reason other than boredom. Our youngest has had her seat moved like 17 times this year alone for being a distraction.

However, they do have their moments, and we’re not ashamed to admit that we’ve utilized our relationship with the school counselor to lobby for them. Maybe if the school c…

Nextdoor post of the week

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TF IS A DORM SIZE FRIG?



OH, REFRIGERATOR

FRIG DOES NOT EQUAL FRIDGE BTW

ADAM THE GOOD SAMARITAN SAID HE COULD DO IT IN AN HOUR, NOT MONDAY DAMMIT

LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, DON'T POST ABOUT THE FRIG UNTIL YOU HAVE THE FRIG




WHERE THE FRIG IS THE FRIG




"ALL THE PEOPLE" WAS ADAM, SO CHILL

THE REST OF US HOWEVER ARE ON THE EDGES OF OUR SEATS REGARDING THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE FRIG



THE FRIG?

HONESTLY ARLENE, THIS HAS BEEN A WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME

Nextdoor post of the week

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TAG THIS UNDER "UPSET ABOUT ICE MELT SOLUTION"

FIORE IS THROWING BOWS ON HOWELL TOWNSHIP

LET US START A DIALOGUE ON THIS ISSUE


PREVENTATIVE ICE MELT SOLUTIONS ARE INDICATIVE OF WHERE WE ARE AS A SOCIETY DAMMIT

"MOST ACCIDENTS ARE CAUSED BY NOT AN ACCIDENT AT ALL"

FIORE THE FILOSOPHER

I WOULD BET ANYTHING THAT FIORE IS THE LEAST SENSIBLE DRIVER

I'M PICTURING HIM DRIVING IN INCLEMENT WEATHER ON UN-PREPPED ROADS AND FISHTAILING OUT WILDLY BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS HANDS OFF THE STEERING WHEEL TO SHAKE HIS FIST AT A STORE SIGN THAT READS "CLOSED MONDAYS"

FIORE: /HOBBLING AWAY FROM VEHICLE WHICH IS WEDGED IN THE ENTRANCE OF A TEXAS ROADHOUSE/

OFFICER: AND WHAT CAUSED THE ACCIDENT SIR

FIORE: THIS ACCIDENT WAS CAUSED BY NOT AN ACCIDENT!

OFFICER: /WRITES DOWN "CAUSE: DRIVER" IN NOTEPAD/




HMMM I WONDER WHAT FIORE THINKS OF THESE TWO COMMENTS




FIORE IS FINISHED! WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE TO FIORE




FIORE IS NOT FINISHED

IN FACT HE'S BACK WITH A PATENTED ZINGER


FI…