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The hoop

I don’t recall a time from my young life when I wasn’t constantly playing basketball, and I don’t remember our house without the hoop out front.
Whatever vague recollection there is suggests the basketball hoop was installed when I was in maybe second grade, when my dad, a pipefitter, brought home a two-ton cylindrical metal pole he had crafted at work and then somehow, with the help of at least five friends no doubt, forged that thing into the earth a foot or so from the street, and attached the hoop with metal brackets to its required 10-foot height. There were jokes, I think, about my dad having to do it this way, his way, which is to say making the dang thing at his work while probably using a blow torch and not just buying a regular basketball hoop like everyone else. (Those who’ve read the book might recall that my dad also crafted me a metal pole at work when I needed a shepherd’s staff for my fifth-grade Christmas play, so this was on brand.) It was, however, to his credit, …

Character (f'in) counts

Everyone is full of contradictions. Our daughters, however, as they do with all things, take it to another level.

I used to write often about their issues related to adoption, but I don’t much anymore because I no longer write columns for a newspaper, they’re getting older and I don’t want to hijack their stories and, honestly? I’m exhausted. Just know this: They’re both very close to the school counselor. AS ARE WE.

So. Their school has a program where they recognize a student in each grade monthly for having high character. Our girls have never won this award. This is not a surprise! When she was in third grade our oldest wrote “poop” on another student’s pencil case … during CCD, for absolutely no reason other than boredom. Our youngest has had her seat moved like 17 times this year alone for being a distraction.

However, they do have their moments, and we’re not ashamed to admit that we’ve utilized our relationship with the school counselor to lobby for them. Maybe if the school c…

Nextdoor post of the week

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TF IS A DORM SIZE FRIG?



OH, REFRIGERATOR

FRIG DOES NOT EQUAL FRIDGE BTW

ADAM THE GOOD SAMARITAN SAID HE COULD DO IT IN AN HOUR, NOT MONDAY DAMMIT

LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, DON'T POST ABOUT THE FRIG UNTIL YOU HAVE THE FRIG




WHERE THE FRIG IS THE FRIG




"ALL THE PEOPLE" WAS ADAM, SO CHILL

THE REST OF US HOWEVER ARE ON THE EDGES OF OUR SEATS REGARDING THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE FRIG



THE FRIG?

HONESTLY ARLENE, THIS HAS BEEN A WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME

Nextdoor post of the week

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TAG THIS UNDER "UPSET ABOUT ICE MELT SOLUTION"

FIORE IS THROWING BOWS ON HOWELL TOWNSHIP

LET US START A DIALOGUE ON THIS ISSUE


PREVENTATIVE ICE MELT SOLUTIONS ARE INDICATIVE OF WHERE WE ARE AS A SOCIETY DAMMIT

"MOST ACCIDENTS ARE CAUSED BY NOT AN ACCIDENT AT ALL"

FIORE THE FILOSOPHER

I WOULD BET ANYTHING THAT FIORE IS THE LEAST SENSIBLE DRIVER

I'M PICTURING HIM DRIVING IN INCLEMENT WEATHER ON UN-PREPPED ROADS AND FISHTAILING OUT WILDLY BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS HANDS OFF THE STEERING WHEEL TO SHAKE HIS FIST AT A STORE SIGN THAT READS "CLOSED MONDAYS"

FIORE: /HOBBLING AWAY FROM VEHICLE WHICH IS WEDGED IN THE ENTRANCE OF A TEXAS ROADHOUSE/

OFFICER: AND WHAT CAUSED THE ACCIDENT SIR

FIORE: THIS ACCIDENT WAS CAUSED BY NOT AN ACCIDENT!

OFFICER: /WRITES DOWN "CAUSE: DRIVER" IN NOTEPAD/




HMMM I WONDER WHAT FIORE THINKS OF THESE TWO COMMENTS




FIORE IS FINISHED! WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE TO FIORE




FIORE IS NOT FINISHED

IN FACT HE'S BACK WITH A PATENTED ZINGER


FI…

Tweet of the week

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"What should we title our article about Todd Frazier maybe leaving town for Texas?"

"How about: 'Is Todd Frazier Leaving Town for Texas?'"

"Perfect. What about a subhead?"

"Hmmm, try this: 'Is Todd Frazier Leaving Town for Texas?'"

"Wow, this is great. So far I have: 'Is Todd Frazier Leaving Town for Texas?: Is Todd Frazier Leaving Town for Texas?'"

"Love it."

"Now, when we tweet this article out, how should I describe what the article is about?"

"Are we still talking about the article about Todd Frazier leaving town for Texas?"

"Yes."

"Try this: 'Is Ocean Counties very own Todd Frazier leaving town for Texas?'"

"Beautiful. By inserting 'Ocean Counties' in there you've really avoided any redundancy. Oh- should I spell 'Counties' as plural instead of possessive?"

"Of course. Here's why. There are multiple Ocean Count…

Nextdoor post of the week

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CHECKING IN TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS SMELLING GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD


OH NO

POO SMELL ALERT

💩📡💩📡

SO FAR WE HAVE RULED OUT CHRIS AND HIS CHILDREN'S FARTS

POTENTIAL POO SMELL CAUSES:

CHRIS AND HIS CHILDREN'S FARTS

ANY OTHER POSSIBILITIES



THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT MARTHA

POTENTIAL POO SMELL CAUSES:

CHRIS AND HIS CHILDREN'S FARTSTHERE IS NO POO SMELL


THE POO SMELL COULD BE POO

J/K THOUGH (?)

THIS IS CLEARLY A CASE OF KEITH HAVING AN AGENDA BUT HE'S ADDED MORE TO THE CONVERSATION THAN MARTHA SO WE'LL ALLOW IT

POTENTIAL POO SMELL CAUSES:

CHRIS AND HIS CHILDREN'S FARTSTHERE IS NO POO SMELLPOO


YES, BROCCOLI IS LIKE POO

POTENTIAL POO SMELL CAUSES:
CHRIS AND HIS CHILDREN'S FARTSTHERE IS NO POO SMELLPOOBROCCOLI


FERTILIZER FROM THE ADJACENT FARM? SEEMS PRETTY FAR FETCHED
ALSO HE'S NOT 100% SURE WHICH MAKES ME SKEPTICAL
IT'S LIKE, WHY AREN'T YOU 100% SURE ABOUT THE THING WE'RE ALL SPECULATING ABOUT, DAVID? PFFT
BY THE WAY I DID NOT ERASE THE LAST NAME BECA…

Internet stuff of the week

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MUSIC NOT WORKING

WIZARD OF OZ MUSIC BOX

HOW I FEEL WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO SELL ME A WIZARD OF OZ MUSIC BOX WITH NO MUSIC FOR $25



DULY NOTED

HEY EVERYONE, KEN MISSES OLD FASHIONED CHRISTMAS TREES, A SENTIMENT HE HAS CHOSEN TO EXPRESS ON NEXTDOOR.COM, PLEASE KEEP HIM IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME




WHERE ARE THE OTHER NINE TOP 10 CHARLIE CHAPLIN QUOTES

ALSO WTF IS THIS

WHY ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS

I AM DEPRESSED




GOOD NIGHT

SWEET DREAMS

WHOEVER MADE THIS IS LEGITIMATELY INSANE

(THAT WAS A POEM)




VODKE

THE JOKE WORKS BEST WHEN THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IS SPELLED DIFFERENTLY EACH TIME

I MEAN WHO IS EDITING FB:HEART TOUCHING FUN




SETTING ASIDE THE BLATANT MISSPELLING, ARE WE REALLY IN NEED OF "I JUST FELL DOWN AND MUST IMMEDIATELY EXPRESS MYSELF" MEMES

AND WHO IS EDITING SHUT UP I'M STILL TALKING

THIS FAILS TO LIVE UP TO THE LOFTY STANDARDS SET FORTH BY SHUT UP I'M STILL TALKING IN ITS MISSION STATEMENT




AH WELL

GOOD NIGHT

SWEET DREAMS