Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Facebook meme of the week



AT FIRST I WASN'T SURE WHAT IT WAS UNTIL I SAW DUDE SLIDING DOWN IT

IT'S A SLIDE

PRETTY SURE DUDE BROKE HIS COCCYX AFTER THIS RUN

"BARBARA, CANCEL MY MEETING WITH FRANKLIN & ASSOCIATES AND TELL THEM IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SLIDE. I BROKE MY BUTT ... HAVING SEX."

BUT AT LEAST HE YOLO'D




TO FOLLOW UP:

1) NO
2) WHAT
3) YOU WOULD USE THE STAIRS TO GET BACK TO THE TOP. THE STAIRS ARE RIGHT THERE
4) OR THE STAIRS





"... UNLESS THAT GAME IS SLIDING DOWN THE JOURNEY OF LIFE WITH ME FROM NOW UNTIL ETERNITY. IS THIS INDOOR SLIDE MEME COMMENT THREAD THE RIGHT PLACE TO FIND A SERIOUS WOMAN"




"ALAS IT SEEMS NOT." - RAY (AKA EMMY RAY)




IT *IS* CRAZY THAT HE (MAN PICTURED) REALLY LIKES [THE SLIDE]

BUT NOT AS CRAZY AS YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS COMMENT THREAD

SO YOU WIN, HELEN HALL




I DON'T SEE WHY NOT, EDDIE EIDDIE

GUYS- EDDIE EIDDIE LOVES OUR STUFF AND WANTS TO HELP

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ADMINISTRATOR HE NEEDS TO CONSULT WITH BUT LET'S MAKE HIM A PART OF THE TEAM, HE SEEMS CHILL AND NORMS

MAY I SUGGEST PUTTING EDDIE EIDDIE IN CHARGE OF PROOFREADING

WHATEVER, YOU GUYS DECIDE

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMITMENT TO FURTHERING THE MISSION OF THIS MEME, EDDIE EIDDIE

ANYWAY DOES ANYONE OUT THERE *NOT* LIKE THIS MEME




OH MY

SOMEONE CONNECT NANCY WITH EDDIE EIDDIE AND LET'S FIND OUT WHERE WE WENT WRONG HERE

"HOLD ON I GOT THIS. I KNOW WHEN A WELL UNDERSTANDING WOMAN NEEDS CONSOLING." - RAY (AKA EMMY RAY)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Facebook meme of the week



LOL I AM FEELING THIS MEME

IT HAS REALLY PUT A SMILE ON FACE

*MY* FACE THAT IS

MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS MEME IS HOW DAFFY DUCK IS STRAIGHT WALKING INTO DUDE'S CART WHILE COMPLAINING ABOUT WALKING BEHIND HIM

MEANWHILE DUDE IS LIKE




"JUST TRYING TO BUY SOME GROCERIES FOR MY FAMILY...

"WTF IS HAPPENING WITH THIS BELLIGERENT DUCK"

I WONDER IF THEY USED DONALD DUCK FOR THIS MEME AT FIRST BUT THEN WERE HOLD UP, IS THIS RACIST

ANYWAY LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED "WHO KNOWS HOW TO SPELL 'AISLE'"




NOPE

BUT OTHERWISE VERY COHERENT




NOT QUITE

BUT I AGREE THAT PEOPLE CHATTING WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS SHOULD GET A CATTLE PROD

HETTY WOLFS FOR MAYOR OF SHOPRITE




THOSE BANISHED TO THE 'ISLE OF MISFIT COMMENTERS' WAIT IN VAIN FOR ANGER CLAUS TO VISIT EVERY YEAR

OK SO NOBODY WON THAT GAME

WHAT ELSE WE GOT




OBVIOUSLY THE SLOW WALKERS PUT ON NOTICE BY THIS DOPE MEME EXCLUDES THOSE WHO ARE BLIND IN ONE EYE

BUT HOLD UP



"I'M NO OPTOMETRIST AND I AM ADMITTEDLY DISTRACTED BY ALL THE FLOWERS BUT ... THAT EYE LOOKS FINE TO ME" - GROCERY STORE POLICE




"MY WIFE                  ALSO HAS SPACE BAR RAGE!" - YOUR HUSBAND





THIS IS SOLID EXISTENTIAL ADVICE

I *SHOULD* BE MORE PAY CHE, I KNOW

BUT IT'S TOUGH IN THE GROCERY STORE

OK FINE I WILL TRY HARDER




IF ONLY THERE WERE AN EASIER WAY TO LIKE MEMES ON FACEBOOK



Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Facebook meme of the week

THIS ONE IS CALLED "ME & YOU"




THAT WAS CALLED "ME & YOU"

IT'S PURPOSEFULLY GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MICKEY MOUSE TALKS

HE IS AN UNEDUCATED MOUSE BUT HAS THE STREET SMARTS TO BE LIKE: NOPE, NOT GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE WITH YOU

IS THIS RELATABLE




YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLIMB A BRIDGE DUMBASS

ALSO WHO ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO




THIS IS AN OFF THE RAILS, SPECTACULAR FAILURE OF AN ATTEMPT TO BE WITTY

IN HER MIND ELEONORE WILD IS LIKE WINSTON CHURCHILL RESPONDING TO POINTED CRITICISM, BUT IN REALITY SHE IS ELEONORE WILD RESPONDING TO A MICKEY MOUSE MEME



LITERALLY NO CLUE

IS THIS ABOUT A CAR OR A STREET ADDRESS AND EITHER WAY HOW DOES IT RELATE TO MICKEY MOUSE

OH TO BE ABLE TO STEP INSIDE THE COMPLEX MIND OF SUBERINA COOPERJOHNSON




SPEAKING OF COMPLEX MINDS

THE ONE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND, BESIDES EVERYTHING, IS WHY THAT DOG'S EYEBROWS ARE OFF ITS FACE




WHAT'S YOU

UPDATE YOUR PROFILE PIC BEFORE YOU COME AROUND HERE TRYIN' TO SELF-IDENTIFY WITH MICKEY MOUSE MEMES

DANG, SON



NOW *THAT'S* A PROFILE PIC

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S "INAPPROPRIATE" ABOUT A LIGHTHEARTED/INDIFFERENT STANCE ON MENTAL HEALTH AND SUICIDE THAT'S FALSELY REPRESENTED VIA A POPULAR CARTOON MOUSE

ANYWAY, THIS ONE WAS CALLED "ME & YOU"

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Spam email of the week



  • First of all, who told you about my Pokemon Go addiction? Was it troy? Because I've said this to numerous unsolicited spambots: HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Except, I suppose, in this specific case, as he is absolutely correct that I am totes into Pokemon Go.
  • Second of all, nobody calls me Michael. Except those in the Pokemon Go community of which I am a prominent, willing, and active member. So again, this holds up.
  • I love cheating as much as the next Michael, but UNLIMITED Pokecoins is a treasure trove that I simply cannot trust myself to handle appropriately. The last thing I want is to become a part of one of those stories you frequently see on E! where a regular Joe wins the lottery of Pokecoins, buys an above-ground pool and a lifetime supply of Marlboro Reds, starts a record label for his cousins, and ultimately combusts in a blaze of fake financial failure. Back in the day, I became unhealthily obsessed with gathering extra lives in Super Mario Bros., I flew too close to the sun, and ironically it ended up killing me (metaphorically, but literally for Luigi, RIP). Lest history repeat itself, I must decline this invitation to cheat (wink wink).
  • Are you even serious?
  • Hold up, I just saw that you mentioned in all caps that you are serious. 
  • Why do I need good luck for logging onto a website? Is it dangerous? Only one way to find out I guess.
  • Might I one day attain a level of professional achievement that I can confidently sign off "Cheat Code Enthusiast" on my emails. I envy that extraordinary level of sorry/not sorry.
  • In conclusion, and to reiterate my earlier stance that this offer to cheat offends me, I will definitely NOT meet you behind the Dollar General on Rt. 9 to obtain the unlimited Pokecoins.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Facebook meme of the week



OMG EVEN AS A MEN WHO JUST GOT SERVED WITH THIS SCATHING MEME I CAN'T HELP BUT LOL

THIS IS SO ME (A MEN)

"YOU SHOULD COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS WOMAN" - ME, TO MY WIFE, ON THE REGS

NOW SHE FINALLY HAS A COMEBACK INSTEAD OF JUST CRYING AND RUNNING AWAY

BUT YO, NOT TO TRY AND TOP THIS ALREADY DOPE AND ORIGINAL OBSERVATION BUT HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW A MEN NEVER STOPS TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS

ALSO THEY HOG THE REMOTE CONTROL

MEANWHILE WOMEN CAN'T EVEN CONTROL THEIR PMS OR WHATEVER

IT'S ALMOST LIKE MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

VENUS RHYMES WITH PENIS WHICH IS SOMETHING MEN USE TO THINK WITH INSTEAD OF THEIR BRAINS

SOMEBODY HOSE ME DOWN I'M ON FIRE

WAIT ONE MORE

I'M GOING TO CALL THIS MEME "INSTRUCTIONS" BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS NO ONE READ IT WHEN IT WAS BEING PUT TOGETHER

ME AND THIS MEME ARE ABBOTT AND COSTELLO-ING RIGHT NOW

PLEASE NOBODY INTERRUPT US




UGH, OH NO TWO MANS GOT THEIR FEELINGS HURT

IF THERE'S ANYTHING SADDER THAN HAVING A PROFILE PIC OF A MID-SIZE SEDAN PARKED IN YOUR DRIVEWAY AND DISPUTING LAME-ASS MISSPELLED MEMES ON THE INTERNET, IT'S VALIDATING THAT EFFORT WITH A REPLY ABOUT HOW IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE WOMEN

MORE LIKE FAILL SMITH AMIRITE

#MANPROBLEMS



LOL INDEED SUSAN

LOL INDEED

BY THE WAY YOU MUST BE MARRIED TO THE "A MEN" REFERENCED IN THIS MEME

SMALL WORLD!



I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS BUT I IMAGINE SOME PUNCTUATION WOULD PROVIDE MORE CLARITY

HERE ARE SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION ...

AWWW FORGET IT!



ANTHONY ROSE SR. IS THE VOICE OF A NEW GENERATION OF CAPABLE MEN

"ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF 'SCARED STRAIGHT,' ANTHONY ROSE SR. VISITS A JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER AND DEMANDS THESE TROUBLED TEENS BECOME MEN AS HE THROWS LEGOS AT THEM AND TELLS THEM TO BUILD A DINOSAUR IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES"




SAM DOES?!?!

WHAT IS SAM SOME KIND OF OUTLIER

EFFF YOU SAM

YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE FOR THE REST OF US PROUD MEN

(ASSUMING YOU'RE A MEN)

ALSO, JUDY: NO ONE ON THIS THREAD KNOWS WHO SAM IS

READ THE FACEBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

YA' BURNT

Friday, July 07, 2017

Teaser links of the week



THAT BOY IS TOTES GONNA HAVE A BOY




(PUTS ON SUBLIMINAL LIMBO MUSIC)

"YOU PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT

THEN SEE A DOCTOR FOR YOUR SCHIZOPHRENIA, YOU NUT"




CAN'T TALK NOW, FLIPPING THROUGH SOME HOT AND INAPPROPRIATE PICS FROM WORLD WAR II

AKA THE SEXIEST WAR

WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A CURIOUS HISTORIAN

...

...

....

CURIOUS FOR BOOBS IS WHAT I M--




OK

I THOUGHT PRANKS WERE FUN WHY DO I FEEL SAD AND SCARED





"SO I IMMEDIATELY WENT AND GOT MY BANGS CUT"

"I'M AN O-POSITIVE DIAGONAL BANGS GIRL LIVING WITH A B-NEGATIVE STRAIGHT BANGS FAMILY"

"YOU'D LOOK LIKE THIS TOO IF NO ONE IN YOUR FAMILY WAS STRAIGHT WITH YOU"

I COULDN'T PICK JUST ONE

BTW SHE GIVES BLOOD IN BARS?




WTF

"IT HAS A BANANA-- THE BANANAS WORKED!" - MOM

THE BUZZ TUBE- FOR ALL OF THE DAY'S FRESHEST BABY GENITALIA NEWS AND ALSO HOT CELEBRITY GOSSIP

ANYWAY WHAT I'M REALLY LOOKING FOR IS THE WHEREABOUTS OF FEMALE ACTRESSES I USED TO VALUE BASED STRICTLY ON LOOKS AND WHOM I NOW WANT TO JUDGE HARSHLY BASED ON SIMILAR PHYSICAL CRITERIA





THANK YOU

NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MEN BECAUSE THEY NEVER LOSE THEIR GOOD LOOKS AND HAVE OTHER IMPORTANT QUALITIES THAT NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE

ALTHOUGH I AM CURIOUS ABOUT SHAQ

WHAT'S UP WITH SHAQ LATELY




K THANKS

Thursday, June 29, 2017

MSN quick links of the week


WAY NO. 1: SIT ON A CHAIR






THE DAILY MEAL EDITOR: I NEED INTERESTING IDEAS, GO

INTERN 1: 5 UNBELIEVABLE THINGS TO EAT

THE DAILY MEAL EDITOR: THE DAILY MEAL IS ABOUT PEOPLE, NOT JUST MEALS!

INTERN 2: FIVE PEOPLE WHO WERE EATEN BY UNBELIEVABLE THINGS

THE DAILY MEAL EDITOR: TOO VIOLENT ... BUT YOU COULD CONVINCE ME OVER DRINKS

INTERN 1: FIVE UNBELIEVABLE PEOPLE WHO HAVE EATEN THINGS

THE DAILY MEAL EDITOR: OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, WE'LL NEED THE FOOD HISTORIES OF ANNE FRANK AND KEYSER SOZE ... NOT GONNA BE EASY

INTERN 2: FIVE PEOPLE WHO ATE UNBELIEVABLE THINGS

THE DAILY MEAL EDITOR: I LOVE IT- HERE, TAKE A PICTURE OF ME EATING THIS FRISBEE




SIR FIDDLESTICKS GERMPENIS

FLURFFY

REINCE PRIEBUS

BONGTONG-ZIPPY

FEELS LIKE THE ANSWER IS LIMITLESS

TWITCHBLIZZARD

OK I'M DONE



WAIT WHAT





I'VE ONLY VISITED THE ON PLACE IN MAIN AND NEW MEXICO

I'M DYING TO SEE THE ON PLACE IN KANSAS

MY ON FRIEND TOLD ME IT'S ON HECK OF AN ON PLACE





*READS FIRST 10 WORDS OF HEADLINE*

SOUNDS INTERESTING, BUT I'M UNCERTAIN IF I CAN OR SHOULD SEE THE MAP

*READS CONCLUDING PARENTHETICAL PHRASE*

OK THEN, I WILL SEE THE MAP

*CLICKS TO SEE MAP*

OMG MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME






WOW WHAT A BOLD NEW IDEA THAT ALSO QUALIFIES AS NEWS

THANKS INSIDE EDITION

"F*** IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE!" RE: THIS

"COUPLE THAT RECREATES PHOTO OF THEIR NON-TRADITIONAL WEDDING DANCE TURNS OUT TO BE MILITARY PARENTS IN DISGUISE SURPRISING THEIR KIDS AT A BASEBALL GAME" - INSIDE EDITION, 2018