Posts

Spam email of the week

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Really having a tough time determining if this means “Yo, your blog is SICK, dawg,” or “Your blog is terrible.” NEVERTHELESS, it needs a doctor. And who better than (check notes) … Willium Scott?


Hey mikekenny.blogspot.com Team,
I have a team? I mean yes, I have a team.
Hope you are doing good !
I am doing OK. The rest of my team (peaks into adjacent room where daughters are arguing over who is a better pretend gymnastics coach as dog barfs on the rug) … not so much.
Your website “mikekenny.blogspot.com” communicates in many different ways to the visitor.
Rarely if ever have I heard the grand impact of my blog described so exquisitely and accurately. It DOES communicate in many ways to the visitor! One way is through the words I write on it. Also sometimes it calls people on the phone. One time it used body language to alert a police officer about a crime in progress.
I see your competitors
I have competitors? Who else is writing about this email and also memes about Phil Collins’s daug…

Teaser link of the week

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I DID IT

I FOUND THE BEST TEASER LINK


CONSUMERS’ INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR PHIL COLLINS CONTENT MANIFESTS ITSELF YET AGAIN
IF MY REPUTABLE AND COMMENDABLE HISTORY OF RESEARCHING TEASER LINKS DIDN’T INFORM ME THAT THE “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW” IS IMPLIED, I WOULD BE CALLING THE POLICE ON THIS AD
“PROBABLY?” TAKE A STAND DAMMIT
I EXPECTED MORE FROM LOCKSMITH OF HEARTS
PHIL SEEMS AS SURPRISED AS THE REST OF US THAT HE CREATED CIVILIZATION'S MOST PRETTY WOMAN



IT'S GRAMMATICALLY CHIC NOW TO ADD AN APOSTROPHE+S TO SHOW POSSESSIVE FOR A NAME ENDING IN "S," ALTHOUGH CONSIDERING "MOST PRETTY" AND THE MULTIPLE MISSING WORDS, I DOUBT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL
THAT SAID, THE PERIOD IS MY FAVORITE PART
MY OTHER FAVORITE PART IS EVERYTHING
CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE

Nextdoor posts of the week

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PEST JOKE OF THE WEEK

THANK YOU BILL

YOU DON'T OWN A PEST CONTROL BUSINESS DO YOU

EITHER WAY THIS IS GOOD AND RELATABLE CONTENT

GRAMMAR JOKE OF THE WEEK

WHY ARE "A'S" AND "BEE'S" POSSESSIVE

BECAUSE BILL IS A WEIRDO

#GRAMMARJOKEOFTHEWEEK

(PLEASE BUY MY GRAMMAR SOFTWARE, LINKED IN THE COMMENTS)



WHAT ARE HEAT INDICES

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WEATHER IS OR HOW TO REACT TO IT SO THANK GOODNESS FOR THE GARAGE SALE SITE NEXTDOOR.COM" - A PERSON?




THANK YOU PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER LAURA FOR PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS FILLED WITH ERRORS AND ALSO MISLEADING AND THANK YOU LUANNE FOR CALLING OUT THIS PSA WITH A BROKEN ATTACHMENT

ALL OF THIS IS GOOD AND WORTH EVERYONE'S TIME




I COME TO NEXTDOOR FOR TWO REASONS, TO BUY ADULT DIAPERS AND TO FIGHT CRIME, AND RIGHT NOW I'M GOOD ON ADULT DIAPERS




THANK YOU JOE, YOU REALLY GOT 'EM

(*THE* JAIL)




WHAT

I MEAN YES I'M SURE THESE CREDIT CARD THIEVES ARE ENGAGED IN THE LOCAL POLITICAL PROCESS




I HATE TO S…

Rules for life

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I found some very helpful rules for life on Facebook recently in the form of a meme video that has snowflakes falling for some reason and which features a sketch drawing of your everyday white man-- let's call him Steve-- who clearly endorses and lives by these rules. Let's check them out, shall we?



Solid advice. This first rule really sets the tone that these rules for life will be angry and bitter and not at all helpful in any discernible way. (Shout out to Beautifulquotes.co for all of the beauty you are about to read. You should totally check out the site which is, uh ... something.)




You better come out of the womb MEETING QUOTAS or no one will affirm your good temperament and smooth skin. BACK IN MY DAY I didn't feel good about myself until NEVER as evidenced by the fact that I am 64 and still feel the need to elevate myself above subsequent generations based on sweeping, false generalizations.



CAR PHONE lol. I have so many questions about this rule.
1. Not to sound l…

Snorkeling only

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We purchased a snorkel for our daughter to use in the pool (for her upcoming birthday, so SHHHHH!). Here are the instructions that my wife discovered in the packaging (MUCH to her delight):


“Yes hello, snorkel customer service? Yeah, I just had a couple questions about the sn-”
“It will be a little fog.”
“OK uh, that wasn’t really why I was calling, but yes, the fogging is kinda heavy.”
“Are you wearing the mask properly?”
“It goes on your butt, right? J/k, but I mean, your previous statement suggested that the fog is an issue with the mask, not a user error.”
“What is the temperature of the water? Is it at least 18 kilopascals?”
“What”
“Are you a competent swimmer?”
“Well, I figured I'd learn how to snorkel first, then swim.”
“Doesn't matter. Don’t snorkel alone, always have a companion.”
“It’s funny you say that, because my wife and I have a framed photo above our bed with that exact quote.”
“Are you trying to snorkel in high or rapid wave?”
“Yes, absolutely. One wave. The …

Nextdoor post of the week

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/TO THE TUNE OF "WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE"/

WHERE HAVE ALL THE HUMMINGBIRDS GONE




FOLKS: THEY MAY BE NESTING




ACTUALLY THEY ARE NOT NESTING THEY ARE AT TOMMY'S HOUSE




HELEN HAS SPOTTED A HUMMINGBIRD AS WELL

ALTHOUGH THIS PARTICULAR SIGHTING FEELS LIKE A SETUP FOR A CLASSIC MILKWEED BRAG

I DON'T TRUST IT




PRAYING HANDS EMOJI




HUMMINGBIRDS ARE TOTAL DIVAS

ENJOYING THE IDEA THAT HUMMINGBIRDS DON'T LIKE ORGANIC SUGAR BUT ACTUALLY PREFER SOMETHING MORE PROCESSED

"MY RESEARCH INDICATES THAT THE DEER DO NOT IN FACT ENJOY THE LEAVES BUT ACTUALLY PREFER THE MOZZARELLA STICKS FROM APPLEBEE'S" - BECKY




I HAVE GREATLY UNDERESTIMATED THE PASSION OF THE HUMMINGBIRD-ENTHUSIAST COMMUNITY

MAYBE THEY LEAVE FOR A WEEK BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMMINGBIRDS?

AH WHO KNOWS




/IN STRONG BRITISH ACCENT/ LADY HUMMINGBIRD DEMANDS FRESH NECTAR, CHOP CHOP, OFF YOU GO




"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

"I HAVE READ YOUR POST REGARDING HUMMINGBIRDS ON THE NEXTDOOR WEBSITE, AND I AM HOPEFUL…

Nextdoor posts of the week

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GREAT QUESTION JIMMY

IF YOUR SUBJECT TITLE AND DESCRIPTION WERE A SUSPENSEFUL DRAMA I WOULD SAY IT'S REMINISCENT OF MOMENTO

TOO BAD NETFLIX DOESN'T GIVE SUGGESTIONS OR EVEN CATEGORIZE THEIR OFFERINGS :(

THANKFULLY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SITE NEXTDOOR WAS MADE FOR

WHAT DO YOU SAY NEIGHBORS




HMMM




SOUNDS GREAT




HOW DO I STREAM THIS CRAPPY MOVIE

IMAGINE GETTING YOUR MOVIE SUGGESTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS ON NEXTDOOR AND THEN PURSUING THE ONES THAT WERE POORLY REVIEWED

THIS IS GOING TO NEED A SEPARATE THREAD

LET'S MOVE ON




THANK YOU BILL

YOU ARE DOING THE LORD'S WORK HERE

WHAT IS NEXTDOOR EVEN FOR IF NOT TO PROACTIVELY WARN NEIGHBORS ABOUT BED BUGS




I MEAN IT *IS* BEAUTIFUL

IF I HAD A FOURTH PHOTO I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE A DECISION

LET  ME SLEEP ON IT, AFAF





WHERE IS KAYLA

NO TIME TO CALL E-NAILS- BETTER GET ON NEXTDOOR ASAP

IS IT POSSIBLE KAYLA CONTRACTED BED BUGS

CAN'T SAY SHE WASN'T WARNED





WHEW THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE