Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Facebook meme of the week

THIS ONE IS CALLED "ME & YOU"




THAT WAS CALLED "ME & YOU"

IT'S PURPOSEFULLY GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MICKEY MOUSE TALKS

HE IS AN UNEDUCATED MOUSE BUT HAS THE STREET SMARTS TO BE LIKE: NOPE, NOT GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE WITH YOU

IS THIS RELATABLE




YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLIMB A BRIDGE DUMBASS

ALSO WHO ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO




THIS IS AN OFF THE RAILS, SPECTACULAR FAILURE OF AN ATTEMPT TO BE WITTY

IN HER MIND ELEONORE WILD IS LIKE WINSTON CHURCHILL RESPONDING TO POINTED CRITICISM, BUT IN REALITY SHE IS ELEONORE WILD RESPONDING TO A MICKEY MOUSE MEME



LITERALLY NO CLUE

IS THIS ABOUT A CAR OR A STREET ADDRESS AND EITHER WAY HOW DOES IT RELATE TO MICKEY MOUSE

OH TO BE ABLE TO STEP INSIDE THE COMPLEX MIND OF SUBERINA COOPERJOHNSON




SPEAKING OF COMPLEX MINDS

THE ONE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND, BESIDES EVERYTHING, IS WHY THAT DOG'S EYEBROWS ARE OFF ITS FACE




WHAT'S YOU

UPDATE YOUR PROFILE PIC BEFORE YOU COME AROUND HERE TRYIN' TO SELF-IDENTIFY WITH MICKEY MOUSE MEMES

DANG, SON



NOW *THAT'S* A PROFILE PIC

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S "INAPPROPRIATE" ABOUT A LIGHTHEARTED/INDIFFERENT STANCE ON MENTAL HEALTH AND SUICIDE THAT'S FALSELY REPRESENTED VIA A POPULAR CARTOON MOUSE

ANYWAY, THIS ONE WAS CALLED "ME & YOU"

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Spam email of the week



  • First of all, who told you about my Pokemon Go addiction? Was it troy? Because I've said this to numerous unsolicited spambots: HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Except, I suppose, in this specific case, as he is absolutely correct that I am totes into Pokemon Go.
  • Second of all, nobody calls me Michael. Except those in the Pokemon Go community of which I am a prominent, willing, and active member. So again, this holds up.
  • I love cheating as much as the next Michael, but UNLIMITED Pokecoins is a treasure trove that I simply cannot trust myself to handle appropriately. The last thing I want is to become a part of one of those stories you frequently see on E! where a regular Joe wins the lottery of Pokecoins, buys an above-ground pool and a lifetime supply of Marlboro Reds, starts a record label for his cousins, and ultimately combusts in a blaze of fake financial failure. Back in the day, I became unhealthily obsessed with gathering extra lives in Super Mario Bros., I flew too close to the sun, and ironically it ended up killing me (metaphorically, but literally for Luigi, RIP). Lest history repeat itself, I must decline this invitation to cheat (wink wink).
  • Are you even serious?
  • Hold up, I just saw that you mentioned in all caps that you are serious. 
  • Why do I need good luck for logging onto a website? Is it dangerous? Only one way to find out I guess.
  • Might I one day attain a level of professional achievement that I can confidently sign off "Cheat Code Enthusiast" on my emails. I envy that extraordinary level of sorry/not sorry.
  • In conclusion, and to reiterate my earlier stance that this offer to cheat offends me, I will definitely NOT meet you behind the Dollar General on Rt. 9 to obtain the unlimited Pokecoins.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Facebook meme of the week



OMG EVEN AS A MEN WHO JUST GOT SERVED WITH THIS SCATHING MEME I CAN'T HELP BUT LOL

THIS IS SO ME (A MEN)

"YOU SHOULD COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS WOMAN" - ME, TO MY WIFE, ON THE REGS

NOW SHE FINALLY HAS A COMEBACK INSTEAD OF JUST CRYING AND RUNNING AWAY

BUT YO, NOT TO TRY AND TOP THIS ALREADY DOPE AND ORIGINAL OBSERVATION BUT HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW A MEN NEVER STOPS TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS

ALSO THEY HOG THE REMOTE CONTROL

MEANWHILE WOMEN CAN'T EVEN CONTROL THEIR PMS OR WHATEVER

IT'S ALMOST LIKE MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

VENUS RHYMES WITH PENIS WHICH IS SOMETHING MEN USE TO THINK WITH INSTEAD OF THEIR BRAINS

SOMEBODY HOSE ME DOWN I'M ON FIRE

WAIT ONE MORE

I'M GOING TO CALL THIS MEME "INSTRUCTIONS" BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS NO ONE READ IT WHEN IT WAS BEING PUT TOGETHER

ME AND THIS MEME ARE ABBOTT AND COSTELLO-ING RIGHT NOW

PLEASE NOBODY INTERRUPT US




UGH, OH NO TWO MANS GOT THEIR FEELINGS HURT

IF THERE'S ANYTHING SADDER THAN HAVING A PROFILE PIC OF A MID-SIZE SEDAN PARKED IN YOUR DRIVEWAY AND DISPUTING LAME-ASS MISSPELLED MEMES ON THE INTERNET, IT'S VALIDATING THAT EFFORT WITH A REPLY ABOUT HOW IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE WOMEN

MORE LIKE FAILL SMITH AMIRITE

#MANPROBLEMS



LOL INDEED SUSAN

LOL INDEED

BY THE WAY YOU MUST BE MARRIED TO THE "A MEN" REFERENCED IN THIS MEME

SMALL WORLD!



I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS BUT I IMAGINE SOME PUNCTUATION WOULD PROVIDE MORE CLARITY

HERE ARE SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION ...

AWWW FORGET IT!



ANTHONY ROSE SR. IS THE VOICE OF A NEW GENERATION OF CAPABLE MEN

"ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF 'SCARED STRAIGHT,' ANTHONY ROSE SR. VISITS A JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER AND DEMANDS THESE TROUBLED TEENS BECOME MEN AS HE THROWS LEGOS AT THEM AND TELLS THEM TO BUILD A DINOSAUR IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES"




SAM DOES?!?!

WHAT IS SAM SOME KIND OF OUTLIER

EFFF YOU SAM

YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE FOR THE REST OF US PROUD MEN

(ASSUMING YOU'RE A MEN)

ALSO, JUDY: NO ONE ON THIS THREAD KNOWS WHO SAM IS

READ THE FACEBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

YA' BURNT

Friday, July 07, 2017

Teaser links of the week



THAT BOY IS TOTES GONNA HAVE A BOY




(PUTS ON SUBLIMINAL LIMBO MUSIC)

"YOU PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT

THEN SEE A DOCTOR FOR YOUR SCHIZOPHRENIA, YOU NUT"




CAN'T TALK NOW, FLIPPING THROUGH SOME HOT AND INAPPROPRIATE PICS FROM WORLD WAR II

AKA THE SEXIEST WAR

WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A CURIOUS HISTORIAN

...

...

....

CURIOUS FOR BOOBS IS WHAT I M--




OK

I THOUGHT PRANKS WERE FUN WHY DO I FEEL SAD AND SCARED





"SO I IMMEDIATELY WENT AND GOT MY BANGS CUT"

"I'M AN O-POSITIVE DIAGONAL BANGS GIRL LIVING WITH A B-NEGATIVE STRAIGHT BANGS FAMILY"

"YOU'D LOOK LIKE THIS TOO IF NO ONE IN YOUR FAMILY WAS STRAIGHT WITH YOU"

I COULDN'T PICK JUST ONE

BTW SHE GIVES BLOOD IN BARS?




WTF

"IT HAS A BANANA-- THE BANANAS WORKED!" - MOM

THE BUZZ TUBE- FOR ALL OF THE DAY'S FRESHEST BABY GENITALIA NEWS AND ALSO HOT CELEBRITY GOSSIP

ANYWAY WHAT I'M REALLY LOOKING FOR IS THE WHEREABOUTS OF FEMALE ACTRESSES I USED TO VALUE BASED STRICTLY ON LOOKS AND WHOM I NOW WANT TO JUDGE HARSHLY BASED ON SIMILAR PHYSICAL CRITERIA





THANK YOU

NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MEN BECAUSE THEY NEVER LOSE THEIR GOOD LOOKS AND HAVE OTHER IMPORTANT QUALITIES THAT NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE

ALTHOUGH I AM CURIOUS ABOUT SHAQ

WHAT'S UP WITH SHAQ LATELY




K THANKS