Posts

Showing posts from 2017

Merry Christmas

Image
BTW THIS IS NOT EVEN IN RESPONSE TO RECENT TAX DEVELOPMENTS BUT A GENERAL REPRESENTATION OF THE SANTA VS TAXATION DYNAMIC THAT HAS REMAINED AT THE HEART OF CHRISTMAS DISCUSSIONS FOR GENERATIONS ALSO: THANK YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS SPEAKING OF, TIME FOR SOME CHRISTMAS SHOPPING MY FAVORITE PART IS THE BOOTS SOMEBODY MUST HAVE GRABBED THE BOOTS WHERE ARE THE BOOTS #BOOTS MERRY CHRISTMAS BOOTS THIS IS GOOD CONTENT FROM WEIGHTLOSSGROOVE *FINALLY* LET'S ASSUME IT'S A CHRISTMAS YACHT TO STAY ON THEME HERE NOT HAVING A CHRISTMAS YACHT MAKES ME SAD I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M IN A RUT I HAVE BROKEN OUT OF MY RUT MY CHRISTMAS SPIRIT HAS RETURNED EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED SELENA GOMEZ WENT BLOND OR WHATEVER IF SHE CAN DO THAT, THERE'S NO REASON WE ALL CAN'T SHED OUR CRIPPLING ANXIETY AND FEAR OF DEATH THEY DON'T EVEN WEAR PIGTAILS! *COMPLETELY DIFFERENT*! YOU HAD ME AT "THE WOMEN OF NCIS" THIS HAS N

MSN quick links of the week

Image
THIS REQUIRED A SOURCE AND THEY SAY JOURNALISM IS DEAD OH NO HOPE THE BABY GATE IS OK JK IN ALL SERIOUSNESS LOOKS HE FLIPPED WHEN THE GATE FLOPPED THANK YOU I WANT TO SHOW THIS HEADLINE TO A WORLD WAR II VET "DO YOU RECOGNIZE ANY OF THESE WORDS AND IF SO WHAT IS YOUR REACTION" /AGGRESSIVELY HOLDS UP MICROPHONE TO FACE/ "ALSO SHOULD BEY CONTINUE TO TRUST JAY AFTER THE CHEATING" CAN'T TALK NOW BOSS, I'M UNSCRAMBLING THESE AUTUMNAL NOODLE SOUPS FINALLY SOME WEB CONTENT FOR US BRISKET VIRGINS OMG I CAN'T EVEN, HEART-MELTING EMOJI I KNOW I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I LITERALLY DO NOT EVEN KNOW OR CARE WHO THE BF IS BUT THIS ONE FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA LAST SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW /STARES AT HEADLINE/ /NERVOUS TWITCHING/ /SELF-RESTRAINT WANING/ /GIVES UP, CLICKS ON LINK/ " ... MY ABS GOT STRONGER." WOW DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT

Troops, trains, and automobiles

Image
Some people think, mistakenly, that the best ways to support our troops include letters of appreciation, prayers, volunteering, fostering pets, physical donations of supplies and care packages, legislation that provides veterans the services they need, thank yous and handshakes, and other things that are actual and real. HOWEVER, in my opinion, the best way to support our troops—especially around the holidays, when the sacrifices made by our servicemen and servicewomen are at the forefront of our national consciousness—is to symbolically move something on wheels via your Facebook page or whatever. Listen, I know this sounds vague and confusing, but it’s actually specific and simple. In fact, here are three definitive and very real ways to support our troops this holiday season. 1) Yeah so like, just keep this thing moving. How? I mean, I think you can just “like” it, or share it or something. Then your state is automatically registered as a state that supports the t

Facebook meme of the week

Image
ALL YA'LL WHO POST NAKED/SEXY PICS AND MISSPELLED COMMENTS ON FACEBOOK JUST GOT OWNED BY THIS GARFIELD AND TWEETY BIRD MEME DANG SON, GONNA BE TOUGH TO RECOVER FROM THIS BUT HOLD UP ACCORDING TO MY DICTIONARY CHRISTMAS IS A PROPER NOUN AND SHOULD BE CAPITALIZED ACCORDING TO MY LIFE SO SHOULD THE FIRST LETTER OF A SENTENCE ALSO GARFIELD IS NAKED AND TWEETY BIRD NEEDS *SERIOUS* SPEECH THERAPY, WHICH IS FINE, BUT NOT IN THE CONTEXT OF CRITICIZING THE LANGUAGE SKILLS OF OTHERS OTHER THAN THAT THO I FIND NO FAULT WITH THIS DOPE MEME HOW YA'LL FEEL WTF ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT MARIE GET OUT OF HERE WITH THIS UNSOLICITED ADVICE THAT IS BAD AND WEIRD-- WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BOOBS AND DICTIONARIES OVER HERE, DANG (BTW DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA FOR REAL) GUESS WHO LOST SOME WEIGHT AND WANTS THE WORLD TO KNOW BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS OR HOW IT RELATES TO THIS MEME BUT ROSE PAUL NEEDS SOME SEX HERE IS WHAT I HAVE L

Facebook meme of the week

Image
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FOR A MEME WITH TWO SNOWMEN THIS IS ONE HOT MESS BUT LET US NOT BE DISTRACTED FROM ITS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE YES YES IT IS I WANT TO MAKE AN ENTIRE MOVIE OFF THIS COMMENT JUST FOR THE CLIMACTIC SCENE WHEN SANTA PASSES OVER ALTHEA'S HOUSE, TURNS TO THE CAMERA AND SAYS "BITCH DON'T COOK" ROLL CREDITS RIGHT RED MUNSTER IMAGINE WE'RE PLAYING JEOPARDY AND THIS COMMENT IS THE ANSWER AND WE HAVE TO DETERMINE WHAT THE MEME IS LOVE IN ALL HONESTY ROSE PAUL SEEMS LIKE AN INSANE PERSON I HEARD THAT IF YOU HAVE A WOMAN'S FIRST NAME AND MAN'S LAST NAME YOU'RE TEN TIMES MORE LIKELY TO MURDER ( A MEME COMMENT THREAD) I HAVE REPORTED AMEENA TO THE MEME POLICE DO WE THINK SANDY GEORGE IS LAMENTING THE FACT IT'S TO(O) LATE FOR *HER* TO BE GOOD OR INFORMING ALL THESE JOHNNY-COME-LATELYS THAT THEIR CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED HARD TO SAY BUT GONNA LEAN TOWARD LAMENTING OH S

Facebook meme of the week

Image
YOU KNOW IT GIRLFRIEND DO NOT EVEN STEP TO BETTY BOOP SHE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT NEVERTHELESS I WILL BET MY LIFE SAVINGS THE FIRST COMMENT IS FROM A CREEPO DUDE IT SEEMS LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE ALLUDING TO SEX PICTURES OF BETTY BOOP (?) BUT I'LL GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT SINCE YOU'RE ILLITERATE BTW "STEP BY STREP" WAS A SITCOM IN THE 90s ABOUT SUZANNE SOMERS HAVING STREP THROAT FOR EIGHT YEARS WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE WHOLE PLANE OUT OF THE INSTRUCTIONS MEN DON'T READ I WOULD LIKE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR FIRST NAME THAT MY WIFE CAN READ TO ME IN A WAY WE ARE *ALL* WOMEN WHO CANNOT BE HANDLED EVEN WITH INSTRUCTIONS THIS MEME HAS BROKEN THE MOLD OF RELATABILITY HOLLA ATCHA BOY I MEAN C'MON WHERE MY TRUE BOOP HEADS AT THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE REVOLUTION WILL BE LED BY A GIANT-HEADED CARTOON FROM THE 30s THIS FEMALE EMPOWERMENT MEME I

Facebook meme of the week

Image
GRANTED I'M NOT AS OLD AS A MINION SITTING ON A THRONE OF BANANAS BUT I ALSO REMEMBER "FRIENDS" WHEN I WAS A KID "FRIENDS" WOULD SHOW UP AT MY DOOR AND WE WOULD DO STUFF WITH "WHAT KIND OF STUFF WITH SHOULD WE DO WITH" MY "FRIENDS" WOULD ASK AND THEN WE WOULD DO STUFF WITH THE "FRIENDS" SOMETIMES THE STUFF WITH WE WOULD DO WITH THE "FRIENDS" WOULD BE TO WATCH "FRIENDS" WHICH WAS A SHOW ABOUT FRIENDS WHO SHOWED UP AT THE DOOR AND DID STUFF WITH BUT AGAIN THIS WAS A LONG TIME AGO DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER THIS, PROBABLY NOT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME IF I WERE EVER INVITED TO ELIZABETH CHIRCHIR LAFAVE'S HOUSE I WOULD NOT WASTE TIME ON MY PHONE, I WOULD LOOK ELIZABETH CHIRCHIR LAFAVE IN THE EYE AND HEAR WHAT ELIZABETH CHIRCHIR LAFAVE HAD TO SAY ABOUT STUFF WHO KNOWS MAYBE WE WOULD EVEN DO STUFF WITH THIS HEARTWARMING STORY ABOUT MAILBOXES REINFORCES THE THESIS OF THIS MEME IF TH

Chopsticks promo of the week

Image
Credit to my brother-in-law, who took the time to examine his chopsticks long enough to discover this very helpful message. Let's break it down. Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. I am at home. We are eating Thai food. Based on capitalization, I enjoy the notion that there might be a Chinese restaurant somewhere out there called Chinese Restaurant from which these chopsticks are manufactured. Thank you. Please try your Nice Chinese Food with Chopsticks Obviously I was leaning that way, but now I am sold. Again, eating Thai. Coercive Utensils would be a good name for a band. (h/t Dave Barry) This capitalization is as Nice as the Chinese food I am not currently eating. OK. the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history. In retrospect, should have had a comma after " C chopsticks." what Am I seriously supposed to be contemplating Chinese history as I am eating this Thai food? Ugh, fine, chopsticks-- you're the boss. This seems hel