Friday, September 12, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: FW: Once again stop contacting those people

OK?

Kind Attention:

(sits up in chair, salutes computer screen)

My name is Rev. John Anderson;

As evidenced by your email address, victor@karenhaynes.co.za. Tell me more about yourself, REVEREND.

I am a US citizen, 51 Years Old. My residential address is as follows. 5424 Pent ridge Street Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 19143-4126, United States of America,

I'm glad we're getting this all out of the way now. This is normal. I can do small talk, too. Watch: I live in the United States of America and was born with a cleft lip. Here is my social security number and blood type. So ... do you like rock n' roll?

I am one of those people that took part in receiving Inheritance funds and Lottery funds from African banks and European banks even from many lottery organizers few years ago and they refused to pay me,

Oh, you're one of THOSE people. I heard about that, and still find it hard to believe that the African and European banks that host inheritance lotteries did not prove true to their word. Africa especially has let us down, as that continent is rolling in money and can certainly afford to pay an honest reverend his fair share.

I had paid different fees or charges of over $85,000 while in the USA trying to get my funds from those banks and lottery organizers but all to no avail.

If I didn't know better, I'd say you were being scammed.

So i decided to travel to WASHINGTON D.C USA with all my payment approval documents,and I was directed by the F.B.I. Director to contact a man called Mr. Stephen David Purchase, A BRITISH CITIZEN and a member of the UNITED NATIONS ORGANISATION (UNO) & INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUNDS (IMF) COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE currently staying in United - Kingdom. I contacted him in United Kingdom and he explained everything to me.

I just looked up this movie on IMDB and here is the cast:

Rev. John Anderson: Liam Neeson
Victor: Karen Haynes
FBI Director: Jon Voight
Mr. Stephen David Purchase: Mr. Bean
Evil African Bank Manager: Denzel Washington Madea

Mr. Stephen David Purchase personally directed me on how to successfully claim my Inheritance and Lottery payment from the paying bank and right now I am the happiest man on earth because I have now finally received my funds totaling US$ 6 Million (Six Million U.S Dollars).

Well, this has been a great story! Bravo on this email, reverend, which has brought a ray of sunshine to my otherwise dull day. Congratulations on your money, and mad props to Mr. Stephen David Purchase - no doubt a legit human - for helping you get there. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get b-

Moreover Mr. Stephen David Purchase, showed me the full information of those people that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your names/your email address as one of the beneficiaries

O. M. G. LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE RIGHT EMAIL ADDRESS WHEN I SIGNED UP FOR EMAIL. SIXMILLIONDOLLARMAN@BENEFICIARY.$$$

and that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people because they are not with your funds but they are only making money out of you.

It's like I've been saying for years, "If they're not with your funds, they're not your friends." No doubt I have been contacting mad peeps about these funds that I literally just found out about, and now I understand why I've gotten nowhere and I've spent $85,000 in the process. Thank goodness for kind, real people like this fake-ass reverend and Mr. Purchase, whose name is EXACTLY WHAT IMMA DO when I get pizz-aid.

I will personally advise you to contact Mr. Stephen David Purchase in United-Kingdom immediately after reading this message. You have to contact him directly on this information below:

Contact Person: Mr. Stephen David Purchase
Contact Address: No. 285 Griffiths Drive Wolverhampton WV11 2JT United Kingdom.


Hold up - he lives in the United Kingdom?

eMail ID: mrstephendavid@gmail.com
Telephone Number: +44 702 406 8431


Why don't I just give you my phone number and Mr. Stephen Dav- ... honestly, do I have to say all three names every time? Is he one of THOSE people?

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you now telling you that your funds is with them because your funds is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing left with you.

You saved my life, reverend. When my dry, withered financial body is refreshed by the flowing life of African-based beneficiary funds, I will float on a sea of money to the local Hallmark store and send you a card expressing my thanks. In the meantime, I only have one question: Should I stop contacting those people?

Once again stop contacting those people,

OK.

3 comments:

troy said...

I am in awe. I can't believe I was worried that my sorry attempts at jokes might 'spoil' your efforts if I shared them with you. You are a god, and I am like, I don't know, Lot maybe? I forget. The only box you failed to 'tick,' as Mr. Stephen David Purchase would put it, was passing on a Sarah Palin joke despite clearly being provided the opportunity, to wit "African banks and European banks even". This ruined the entire post for me, but other than that it was perfect.

The Junior Junkie said...

Well done

mkenny59 said...

Hey, thanks guys! troy - that's my bad, and SO unlike me to miss on a Sarah Palin joke. Even worse, when I myself was referring to Africa I almost wrote "country" instead of "continent," but I didn't because I went to school. (Btw, is that what you're referring to, or is it something else re: African banks? If so, I don't even know about that! See? That's why we need to collabo on these things.) Anyway, you guys rock. Thanks for positive feedback :)