Friday, September 19, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: Modern Business Form, ad. machine

Please fill out this modern business form to obtain your new ad machine*.

Question one:

What is your credit card number and expiration date and security code?

_____________________________________________________

-END OF MODERN BUSINESS FORM
*there is no ad machine

Hi friend,

Who are you?

From: Elva [sales9@cniwang.com]

Hi Elva.

To: Elva

I am also Elva? OK.

Greetings from Elva, China:-)

Elva, China is also a place? I am learning a lot about geography and me and Elva and nonsense.

This is Elva Xiao from iWANG Company Limited,

iWANG sounds like an Apple device specifically designed to send out dong pics. But when you add "Company Limited," it sounds legit, so I am on board with whatever is happening here.

who got your data on internet, sorry to disturb you a few minutes to read my presentation.

No trouble at all! My data is on the Internet for no other reason than for special moments like this. And according to the Internet data you have acquired, my name is Elva JUST LIKE YOU, which is totes correct. Everything you say is correct and good. In fact, let's run that sentence back in full, OK Elva? OK:

This is Elva Xiao from iWANG Company Limited, who got your data on internet, sorry to disturb you a few minutes to read my presentation.

Thank you, Elva, for everything. I am ready for the presentation.

iWANG focus on Ad.

Please stop the presentation. I don't need to read anything else. I want iWANG in my life. Why? Because iWANG focus on ad, that's why. End of story. What else is there to know? Nothing.

Actually? Let me read the rest of the presentation, just in case, because I was thinking that maybe I don't know what anything means.

Player and Digital Photo Frame with different sizes and series, there are a large of products on www.cniwang.com for your reference, you can visit it and let me know which item do you prefer, or tell me what's the main specification you are buying, so that I can help you accordingly.

Here are the bullet points you made to prepare for your presentation, Elva:

  • "iWANG focus on ad." start big, don't bury the lede
  • mention the website and how "there are a large of products on there," proofread for Acura see
  • say how you can visit the website (unlike other websites, which you can't visit; double-check that)
  • offer your help because instead of ordering ON the website, it's easier for humans to visit the website and then call me, Elva, a non-person, to talk about the website
  • end presentation with a wonderful expression of hope and gratitude that proves you have a strong grasp of the English language

Waiting for your comments with great thankful.

Honestly, it doesn't seem possible that this sentiment even exists. Am I dreaming? If I were you, I would ALSO be very skeptical that I've accurately recorded this spam email onto my blog. So here:


Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed another installment of "Spam email of the week." As ushe, I am waiting for your comments with great thankful. Love, Elva

p.s. I broke the ad machine trying to make an ad of my butt, which is why there is no ad machine. :/

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