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Showing posts from 2019

Instagram account of the week

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DO YOU LIKE LIONS

I MEAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE LIONS, AMIRITE FOLKS

BUT DO YOU LIKE LIONS AS MUCH AS *THIS* GUY

DOUBTFUL



WE'VE ALL HAD DREAMS OF DEDICATING OUR INSTAGRAM FEEDS ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY TO LION MEMES, BUT ALAS #LIFE GETS IN THE WAY

THANKFULLY THERE IS A ONE-STOP SHOP FOR ALL OF YOUR LION CONTENT

NO LION CAN BE KING WITHOUT HIS LIONESS

SO TRUE (?)

WANNABE KING WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A GOOD WOMAN SCROLLING THROUGH INSTAGRAM AND SEEING THIS MEME: WOW, I NEED TO CHANGE MY #LIFE

DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE A MORE INSPIRING LION MEME


I STAND CORRECTED

EVEN THE LION IS MOTIVATED BY THESE WORDS

"I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GO ON FOR SOME REASON, BUT I MUST BECAUSE I AM A LION" - THIS LION

BY THE WAY THIS MEME WAS SENT TO THIS GUY-- HE DIDN'T PURSUE IT ON HIS OWN

LION MEMES JUST TEND TO FIND HIM, IT'S ALL A COINCIDENCE



THIS IS CLEARLY THE SAME WIND MACHINE BEYONCE USED AT COACHELLA BUT I'LL LET IT SLIDE

IS THERE SUCH THING AS A LION MEME INTERVE…

Facebook memes of the week

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I REMEMBER THIS QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

HORNY DWARF WAS REALLY PUT IN HIS PLACE AS A RESULT





THE MEME SO NICE SHERRY AMEN-ED IT TWICE



HMMM TOUGH ONE BUT I THINK THE RAPIST WILL BE TO BLAME

CAN I GET AN AMEN



THANK YOU

ALL OF THESE AMENS ARE IMPORTANT- ESPECIALLY HLOKS HLOKOLOZA LEKGARI'S OBVIOUSLY- BUT IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO HEAR WHAT BETTY BOOP THINKS



WOW I AM SO HUMBLED

THANK YOU BETTY BOOP AND THANK YOU JAN

BETTY BOOP IS FAMOUS FOR NOT BEING A WEIRD-ASS BIG-HEADED CARTOON WITH A MIDDLE PART WHO FLAUNTS HER SEXUALITY

THIS WOULD BE LIKE DAFFY DUCK HAVING A MEME THAT SAID "STOP SPINNING AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC AND SMELL THE ROSES" AND THE TASMANIAN DEVIL WAS LIKE "AMEN"

THAT WAS MY STRAINED SEGUE TO THE NEXT MEME





WHAT

THE POLICE CALLED YOU INSTEAD OF THE ESCAPEE'S IMMEDIATE FAMILY TO TELL YOU THAT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ESCAPED "FROM MENTAL HOSPITAL" BECAUSE THE POLICE KNEW THAT THIS PERSON WAS YOUR FRIEND BUT THEY DIDN'…

Nextdoor posts of the week

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DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT DAY IS HO HO HO AND WHAT TIME HE WILL COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY



BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THIS AND I HAVE TO SAY, OF THE TWO COMMENTS HERE SUZANNAH HAS PROVIDED THE BETTER ADVICE

WHEN BEING FORCED TO MAKE AN EXCRUCIATING DECISION ABOUT POSSIBLY HAVING TO GIVE UP THE FAMILY PET, YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU SEEK THE MOST TRUSTED SOURCE OF VALUABLE, WISE, AND EMPATHETIC COUNSEL, WHICH IS THE SAME SITE WHERE YOU CAN BUY ADULTS DIAPERS ON THE CHEAP




"CAN'T TALK NOW, I HAVE TO LOG ON TO NEXTDOOR.COM TO ONE-UP THIS FROG JOKE" - ALYSON

PLEASE DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS, HARRIET

I DON'T THINK A FROG IS PEST BTW



"WENT TO BUY LONGJOHNS AND ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT A GOLDEN TWIN CANOPY BED"

"I'VE BEEN INFORMED IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE TO RETURN"

ALL OF THIS CHECKS OUT



NOT GONNA CLICK "SEE MORE" BECAUSE THIS IS PERFECT

MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY
HOW DID YOUR FRIEND'S YARD SALE GO
DID SHE SELL SILVER BELLS AND COCKLE SHELLS
OR DID NO ONE …

Facebook meme of the week

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TIME FOR ANOTHER 'DO YOU LIKE FOOD' MEME



GREAT QUESTION

[THE "FRIED" IS CAPITALIZED BECAUSE THIS GUY MADE THE CHICKEN]

LET'S HEAR IT FROM THE TOP FANS FIRST, THEY'VE WORKED HARD FOR THIS







THEY DIDN'T BECOME TOP FANS FOR NOTHING, FOLKS



ANY GOOD BOATING PARTY IS JUST OVERFLOWING WITH SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN

LOVE TO BE ON A BOAT OUT ON THE BAY, STARING AT A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET WHILE TAKING A HUGE GNARLY BITE OFF A SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN LEG, TOSSING THE DRUMSTICK INTO THE WATER, COUNTING MY BLESSINGS




COUSIN'S MOTHER-IN-LAW SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN IS THE BEST SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN AND THE ONLY KIND I'LL TOLERATE

ME: /AT THANKSGIVING DINNER (ON A BOAT), SCANNING TABLE FULL OF BUCKETS OF SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN, LOOKING PROUDLY AT FAMILY, BUT GROWING CONFUSED/ WHERE IS MY COUSIN'S MOTHER-IN-LAW

WIFE: UGH, FOR THE TENTH TIME WE DID NOT INVITE HER, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

ME: YOU CALL THIS A 'FAMILY?' CANCEL THANKSGIVING, AND WHO EVEN MADE THIS /THROWS CHICK…

Nextdoor post of the week

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THUS CONCLUDES JULIEANN'S ONE-WOMAN PERFORMANCE OF "sENIOR HELP" 👏👏👏

MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN JULIEANN SAID "I WILL DO FOR SENIORS GROCERY SHOPING"

I LAUGHED, I CRIED

THE REVIEWS ARE IN FOLKS

"WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO RELYING ON SOMEONE WHO CANNOT OPERATE A CAPS LOCK KEY" - GLORIA, 89

"FIVE STARS. MY ONLY QUESTION IS WHETHER JULIEANN IS NEAR ROUTE 9" - FRANK, 91

"I CALLED THE NUMBER BUT IT IS A FAX NUMBER" - HARRIET, 86

"IF YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I NEED OR WANT MORE, THE ANSWER IS YES!" PETER TRAVERS, ROLLING STONE

"JULIEANN PROMISED TO TAKE ME GROCERY SHOPPING BUT SOMEONE CLAIMING TO BE HER BOYFRIEND PICKED ME UP AND WE ONLY WENT TO 7-ELEVEN SO HE COULD BUY CONDOMS. IT WAS OK I GUESS." - SHIRLEY, 90

"THANK YOU, JULIEANN, THANK YOU" - JULIEANN

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Nextdoor posts of the week

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LOOKING FOR AN ALTO SAX

I MEAN AN ALSO SAX

MUCH BETTER TO HAVE A TYPO IN THE ALTO THAN IN THE SAX, IMO

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH THE TURN OF PHRASE "IN THE CLOSET WAITING FOR AN EAGER YOUNG BOY"

I MEAN WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT

THAT SAID, I DO HAVE A SPARE ALTO SAX (OBVIOUSLY) BUT IT'S MOUNTED ON THE WALL IN MY ALTO SAX ROOM, NOT THE CLOSET, AND ITS IDEAL PARTNER IS A MATURE CURVY WOMAN ... DO I STILL QUALIFY

ALSO:




BY THE WAY I HAD TO PAY LIKE $500 FOR MY DAUGHTER TO RENT A FLUTE FOR SIX MONTHS SO NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING AN ALTO SAX FOR FREE VIA NEXTDOOR




CAN'T BELIEVE IT

"AN ALTO NEEDING A HOME" SMH WHAT IS HAPPENING




I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN'S SHOES BUT: WHAT

"PEEP TOE ANKLE BOOTS SHOES, NO HOLDS" -- ERNEST HEMINGWAY, 2019





AN HONEST ALBEIT WEIRD (GOOGLE AND YELP STILL EXIST, "DO U LIKE IT?") POST ABOUT HAIRCUTS, BUT THAT'S NOT WHY WE'RE HERE

LET'S CHECK ON PAT IN THE COMMENTS




FARMINGDALE IS A TOWN




W…

Spam email of the week

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Really having a tough time determining if this means “Yo, your blog is SICK, dawg,” or “Your blog is terrible.” NEVERTHELESS, it needs a doctor. And who better than (check notes) … Willium Scott?


Hey mikekenny.blogspot.com Team,
I have a team? I mean yes, I have a team.
Hope you are doing good !
I am doing OK. The rest of my team (peaks into adjacent room where daughters are arguing over who is a better pretend gymnastics coach as dog barfs on the rug) … not so much.
Your website “mikekenny.blogspot.com” communicates in many different ways to the visitor.
Rarely if ever have I heard the grand impact of my blog described so exquisitely and accurately. It DOES communicate in many ways to the visitor! One way is through the words I write on it. Also sometimes it calls people on the phone. One time it used body language to alert a police officer about a crime in progress.
I see your competitors
I have competitors? Who else is writing about this email and also memes about Phil Collins’s daug…

Teaser link of the week

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I DID IT

I FOUND THE BEST TEASER LINK


CONSUMERS’ INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR PHIL COLLINS CONTENT MANIFESTS ITSELF YET AGAIN
IF MY REPUTABLE AND COMMENDABLE HISTORY OF RESEARCHING TEASER LINKS DIDN’T INFORM ME THAT THE “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE NOW” IS IMPLIED, I WOULD BE CALLING THE POLICE ON THIS AD
“PROBABLY?” TAKE A STAND DAMMIT
I EXPECTED MORE FROM LOCKSMITH OF HEARTS
PHIL SEEMS AS SURPRISED AS THE REST OF US THAT HE CREATED CIVILIZATION'S MOST PRETTY WOMAN



IT'S GRAMMATICALLY CHIC NOW TO ADD AN APOSTROPHE+S TO SHOW POSSESSIVE FOR A NAME ENDING IN "S," ALTHOUGH CONSIDERING "MOST PRETTY" AND THE MULTIPLE MISSING WORDS, I DOUBT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL
THAT SAID, THE PERIOD IS MY FAVORITE PART
MY OTHER FAVORITE PART IS EVERYTHING
CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE

Nextdoor posts of the week

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PEST JOKE OF THE WEEK

THANK YOU BILL

YOU DON'T OWN A PEST CONTROL BUSINESS DO YOU

EITHER WAY THIS IS GOOD AND RELATABLE CONTENT

GRAMMAR JOKE OF THE WEEK

WHY ARE "A'S" AND "BEE'S" POSSESSIVE

BECAUSE BILL IS A WEIRDO

#GRAMMARJOKEOFTHEWEEK

(PLEASE BUY MY GRAMMAR SOFTWARE, LINKED IN THE COMMENTS)



WHAT ARE HEAT INDICES

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WEATHER IS OR HOW TO REACT TO IT SO THANK GOODNESS FOR THE GARAGE SALE SITE NEXTDOOR.COM" - A PERSON?




THANK YOU PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER LAURA FOR PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS FILLED WITH ERRORS AND ALSO MISLEADING AND THANK YOU LUANNE FOR CALLING OUT THIS PSA WITH A BROKEN ATTACHMENT

ALL OF THIS IS GOOD AND WORTH EVERYONE'S TIME




I COME TO NEXTDOOR FOR TWO REASONS, TO BUY ADULT DIAPERS AND TO FIGHT CRIME, AND RIGHT NOW I'M GOOD ON ADULT DIAPERS




THANK YOU JOE, YOU REALLY GOT 'EM

(*THE* JAIL)




WHAT

I MEAN YES I'M SURE THESE CREDIT CARD THIEVES ARE ENGAGED IN THE LOCAL POLITICAL PROCESS




I HATE TO S…