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Showing posts from September, 2017

The reason: not the season

I grew a beard again.
I don't think anybody likes the beard. I think this because people say things like, “Oh, you uh … you grew a beard, huh?” WHY YES HOW DID YOU KNOW. With no compliments to offer, they then search for reasons to justify the absurdity on my face, and more than one person has commented, “For winter, right?” to which I agree, in part because, why not—hair growth should be as seasonal as vegetables, which is why I braid my eyebrows each spring—and also because I enjoy the notion that hair on my face will serve its Darwinian purpose of keeping me warm during these upcoming months of winter 2017-2018 during which I mostly plan to be watching old seasons of no-longer-hip TV shows on streaming apps as opposed to chopping wood in a distant, snow-filled forest to provide heat for my family.
At the heart of the outside world’s confusion and possible disgust is likely the fact that I am 39 and my beard is noticeably grey. Almost all of it is grey. It is grey, basically.…

Facebook meme of the week

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ARGH STUPID COWORKERS ARE SO FRUSTRATING

THIS MEME IS BOTH RELATABLE AND ADORBS

IF OTHER PEOPLE ARE STUPID THAT MEANS WE ARE SMART

TO WIT:



THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE BUBS, MERNA, IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS




THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT MAKING HARD POOPS, IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS, DANG




THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT HAIR(ZZ) LOSS, IT'S ABOUT STUPID COWORKERS

ALSO *THIS* IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, GAIL:

THAT FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU'RE RAILING AGAINST YOUR STUPID COWORKERS BUT AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO UPLOAD A PROFILE PIC



THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT CHICKENS




OH MY GOODNESS




IT'S TOUGH  BEING THE SMARTEST ONE IN THE OFFICE





GOOD SENTENCE BUT THIS MEME IS NOT ABOUT SIBLINGS

SAFE TO ASSUME THAT'S NOT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER IN THAT PROFILE PIC

THIS MEME IS ALSO NOT ABOUT ONE COWORKER BUT COWORKERS PLURAL

ALL OF THEM ARE STUPID

C'MON DEBRA SMATHERS





????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????




FINALLY, A WORTHY COMMENT

Facebook meme of the week

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"IF MY BODY *WERE* A CAR"

YOU HAVE ONIONS IN YOUR RADIATOR?

OF COURSE I KID, THIS IS A GREAT MEME ABOUT OLD PEOPLE'S PEE PEE AND FARTS

AND A GREAT VISUAL I MIGHT ADD

IS THAT A NORMAN ROCKWELL STATUE

ANYWAY WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK ABOUT THIS PEE PEE AND FARTS MEME




I DO NOT GET THIS JOKE

LIKE AT ALL

WHY DID THE WOMAN GO TO A CHEMIST FOR PEE PEE AND FART PROBLEMS

WHY WILL SHE NOT DARE TO COUGH

I AM VERY ANGRY AT THIS TERRIBLE NON-JOKE

IT'S LIKE GEORGE HAS BEEN STASHING THIS IN HIS HOLSTER JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MEME TO COME ALONG

BIG FAIL HERE BY GEORGE

SPEAKING OF BIG FAILS




WHOEVER CREATES THESE AWFUL MEMES READS COMMENTS LIKE THIS AND IS LIKE "YUP STILL GOT IT"

ONE THING I'VE LEARNED FROM EXAMINING THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF COMMENTS ON AWFUL MEMES: THE BETTY BOOP CONTINGENT WILL NOT HESITATE TO COMMENT DESPITE BEING BASICALLY ILLITERATE




RON PALON(GIVING A TOAST AT 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY): I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A CLICHE BUT WE MET IN THE COMMENTS…

Facebook meme of the week

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OK JERRY THE MOUSE

HOLD UP JERRY ARE YOU RAISING YOUR HAND OR JUST PRESENTING THE MEME

CAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU EVER REALLY TRUSTED TOM IN THE FIRST PLACE

ANYWAY I'M NITPICKING- EVERYTHING IN THIS MEME IS TIGHT AND GRAPHICALLY PLEASING

SO LET'S DO THIS




AND WE'RE OFF

YOU JEALOUS FAM?

JK YOU ARE DEFINITELY BETTER OFF

IF ONLY HE COULD SEE YOU NOW, SPITTING TRUTH IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF TOM AND JERRY MEMES




WOW THAT IS SPECIFIC BUT EERILY RELEVANT IN THIS CASE





WHAT

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALTERNATIVE OLIVER IS TRYING TO SAY BUT I'M NOT HANGING AROUND TO FIND OUT




I HEARD TAKING OVER THE COUNTER LOVERS WHO DEMAND SIMPATHY WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION CAN MAKE YOU [SIC]

AT WALGREENS, MAN POPS OUT FROM BEHIND DISPLAY OF TOOTHPASTE

HELLO MY NAME IS FRANK I AM A VERY NICE GUY, TOO BAD I WAS AN ORPHAN AS A CHILD AND NOW I HAVE GOUT, ANYWAY WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME JUGGLE

DORALENE: OH NO I'M NOT FALLING FOR THIS AGAIN




OH I GET IT BECAUSE CHARLIE BROWN TRUSTS LUCY WITH THE FOOT…