Thursday, December 10, 2009

Classic card of the week


Issiac Holt, 1992 Collector’s Edge

You probably have noticed that I have many, many cards from this set – the ‘92 Collector’s Edge.

The reason that I have so many cards from this set is unbeknownst to even me. That I continued to buy packs of this set after seeing just one card from it is proof of not only my youthful naïveté, but also of my suspect investment practices. The reason that I continue to post so many of these cards is because of their aforementioned awfulness. An actual good sports card cannot attain the sarcastic label of “classic.” I am also running out of football cards.

I had always thought that the 1989 Topps set of baseball cards (or the Bowman 1990 set) was the worst and most boring set of sports cards ever produced. But the more cards I find from this Collector’s Edge edition, the more I am convinced of its unparalleled pointlessness.

Take this card. Please! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Whew. That was awesome. But seriously. What is going on here? And more importantly, why am I looking at it? Which player is Issiac Holt? And why do I care?

The thing is, almost all of the cards from this set are just throwaway snapshots of random and irrelevant NFL moments. The pictures weren’t taken – I would hope – with the intent of creating a football card. They were just taken. And hey, it just so happens that Issiac Holt is in this one. So…wala! And Issiac Holt football card. Cross him off the list. Let’s throw it in a pack and charge a dumb kid $2.50 for it.

Sure, I enjoy the pseudo-Heisman mid-air pose. And the unintentional yet strangely homoerotic and desperate reach-for by an anonymous defensive lineman who has just failed at his job. But these things are all happenstance. I feel patronized by the lack of visual evidence with regards to Issiac Holt’s football-playing abilities and/or ability to pose and look me in the eye.

And what about Issiac Holt the person?



Okay, so he has a mustache. Cool. Nothing else? Does he have kids? Why does he spell his name in that roundabout manner? Does he like the Beastie Boys? Can he cook a mean beef steak provencale?

I want my money back.

Did you know?
A 1993 backyard barbeque-off between Issiac Holt and Howie Long ended in a draw after Long’s shish-kabob medley was disqualified for plagiarism.

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