Classic card of the week

Hakeem Olajuwon, 1991 Skybox

When I was a kid, yeah –- basketball was cool and all. But what I was really interested in was how well or not-so-well the basketball players that I liked dressed when they weren’t playing basketball. Fortunately for me and other kids of my ilk, GQ Magazine –- a must-read for every 10-year old boy –- aligned forces with the Skybox brand of basketball cards in order to reveal to us which basketball players dressed especially well.

For example, I bet you thought that Hakeem Olajuwon just played basketball. Well, wrong! He wore clothes, too. And he wore them well. For further evidence of how appropriately Hakeem Olajuwon dresses, let’s find out what impartial New York Knicks’ announcer John Andariese has to say:

“Knicks announcer John Andariese kids that Hakeem ‘is a good dresser, but everything is lizard.’

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Lizard. John Andariese kills me. Also, I don’t get it. His clothes are made of lizards? As opposed to Andariese himself, who only wore alligator boots and endangered woolly mammoth parkas? But hey, that’s John Andariese for ya’! Besides being able to call basketball games, he was king of the fashion-conscious insult. He once quipped during an actual game that he wouldn’t wear John Stockton’s shorts with Bea Auther’s hips.

But let’s find out more about Hakeem Olajuwon’s outfit:

In this elegant look, though, Hakeem could crash the boardroom any day.”

Indeed, he could. Especially if, in the boardroom, everyone was discussing how they could transform the Cosby sweater into a line of ties. Wow, that was catty on my part. I feel like one of those people who comment on E! during a red carpet event and make ridiculously mean-spirited comments about people they do not know under the guise of “humor.” I’m sorry, Hakeem. You should not bear the brunt of early 90s fashion by yourself.

When all is said and done, we will remember, most of all, that Hakeem Olajuwon made GQ’s “NBA All-Star Style Team.” We will marvel at how this occurred before the David Stern induced dress code, and that Hakeem wore his fine –- albeit lizardy –- clothes voluntarily.

And that is an accomplishment you can hang your Kangol on. The championships were cool, too.

Did you know?

You could crash a boardroom naked as long as you are carrying a dozen donuts.


SpastikMooss said…
Whoa - I just posted this card as part of a post and then searched "everything is lizard" to see if it was anywhere else on the interwebs. Sure enough, it was on yours - somehow I missed it even though it was like a week ago! I will give you credit for being the first finder on my site though, and I guess I'll pay closer attention to my subscriptions hahaha.