Classic card of the week

Jack McKeon, 1989 Topps

The original “grumpy old man,” Jack McKeon looks like the 70-year-old offspring of Yogi Berra and Walter Matthau in this picture. He doesn’t look anything like the Jack McKeon who resurrected the 2003 Florida Marlins just in time for them to win the Wild Card and eventually the World Series. Until, that is, McKeon immediately wore out his welcome with incessant ramblings about expensive sneakers – “In my day we attached thumbtacks to the bottom of cardboard boxes and called ‘em ‘spikes.’ You kids are a bunch of spoiled sons of bitches!” - the Japanese, and the unheralded dominance of Three Fingers McGee. Originally from South Amboy, NJ, McKeon earned the nickname “Trader Jack” after he dealt away a rare Walter Johnson-used stirrup to the British for an area of land now known as “the Jersey Shore.” After several unsuccessful attempts to ban, among other things, bikinis (“too revealing”), beach balls (“too big and unpredictable”), pretzels (“too knotty”), and water (“just annoying”) from his newly acquired shorelines, McKeon would eventually trade the Jersey Shore to D’Jais club in Belmar in exchange for a 1991 Stevie B remix CD, which he immediately had destroyed. McKeon’s interesting background aside, in looking at this card, I am reminded of the utter ridiculousness of managerial baseball cards. Really though – look at this card. Think about a 10-year-old kid opening a fresh pack of baseball cards in anticipation of finding a few of his sports heroes, only to come across this. What the hell is somebody supposed to do with this card? It’s just a random picture of an old man, when it all comes down to it. I just don’t understand why baseball card companies bothered making cards for managers. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved. Although, even if it was unforeseen at the time, it should be stated that this 1989 Jack McKeon card has found a home, on a blog, accompanied by a completely baseless and rambling story about McKeon himself. Unfortunately, Jack McKeon hates blogs, mostly because he thinks computers are evil, communist robots.

Did you know?
According to the police report, Jack McKeon is the last person to have seen Carl Pavano.