Monday, October 16, 2006

Classic card of the week




Michael Jackson, 1992 Collector’s Edge

It wasn’t as bad being named Michael Jackson in 1992 as it was during, say, every year thereafter. There were several subtle differences between the Cleveland Browns’ wide receiver and the pop star, however. For example, Michael Jackson the wide receiver was African-American. Also, he had much bigger shoulders than the singer. In fact, Michael Jackson had the biggest shoulders ever, in the history of the world, ever. In history. Also, the Browns’ Michael Jackson had more NFL touchdowns (2) in 1991 than the King Of Pop (0), but that was mainly because Michael Jackson the singer did not play in the NFL, mostly because he did not prefer tackling grown men. The two MJs also had some glaring similarities as well. For instance, Michael Jackson the singer was No. 1 on the charts in the early 90’s, while Michael Jackson the football player wore No. 1 (even though he was the team’s No. 6 offensive option…go figure). To boot, the two men had been honing their craft since an early age. Everyone knows the foundation of Michael Jackson’s singing career, but very few realize that the other Michael Jackson had been playing in the NFL since he was five years old, along with his four brothers, Samuel L, Jesse, Action, and Stonewall. They formed a five-man team called the “Jackson Quartet,” which competed in ten-minute, sudden death football games against middle-aged women during halftime of Miami Dolphin games back in the mid 70’s. When young Michael stiff-armed a 47-year old librarian during an interception return for a touchdown, he caught the eye of an NFL owner named Art Modell, who, at the time, still had a conscience. He signed Michael on the spot, and immediately phoned in an order for extra-large shoulder pads. Only history will decide which Michael Jackson was better at his respective vocation, although Michael Jackson the football player gets five bonus points for not sleeping with boys, according to my scorecard. That puts the current score at 348-5, in favor of, ya' know, Michael Jackson.

Did you know?
The Browns’ Michael Jackson is, ironically, only the third known person on earth who does not own a copy of "Thriller," which he describes as "not Quincy Jones' finest work."

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