Thursday, July 31, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: Star-Times,Quartz Countertops and Slabs

Bout to get my slab on.

Hello Star-Times,

My name is Mike.

This is Rachel from Luda Quartz Stone, who manufacturing & exporting quartz stone tiles, countertop and slabs

Come again?

This is Rachel from Luda Quartz Stone, who manufacturing & exporting quartz stone tiles, countertop and slabs

Can I just ...

This is Rachel from Luda Quartz Stone, who [sic] manufacturing [sic] &[sic] exporting [sic] quartz stone tiles, countertop [sic] and slabs [sic]

OK that's better. You were saying?

LUDA’s quartz stone consists of 93%  natural quartz,resistant to cracks, scratches and stains and Non-Toxic, Non-Radiation,

I have been searching far and wide for a kitchen countertop that doesn't exude cancerous radiation. Today is a good day. (-Ice Cube)

You will    know the quality after checking the sampl.e

This is how this sentence looks in real life:

Person: But how will I know the quality?

Rachel: You will

Person: ... ... Uh

Rachel: know the quality after checking the sampl (coughs, throws up in mouth, throws up on quartz countertop)

Person: Oh my goodness, are you OK?

Rachel: .e

Person: I'm sorry, what?

Rachel: .e

Person: I just-

Rachel: .e (urinates self)

Anything we can do, just right here (

What is ... I mean ... what? Is this a slogan? A slogan that ends with a frown?

Rachel: And remember, at Luda Quartz Stone: anything we can do, just right here (frowns)

Person: OK, I ... I don't know what that means. Are you sad?

Rachel: Anything we can do, just right here (frowns)

Person: Are you saying that you can anything, but it has to be here? Can you validate my parking?

Rachel: (frowns) No we canno (coughs, throws up in mouth, throws up on quartz countertop)

Person: I'm going to call 911.

Rachel: .t

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