Spam email of the week
Subject: WRITE ME BACK
This is aggressive.
Can I read the email fir-
HAVE YOU AT ANY TIME SENT OR RECEIVED MONEY THROUGH OUR SERVICE?
Depends. What is your service? Are you Johnny Paypa-
HAVE YOU EVER SENT MONEY TO ANY ONE IN AFRICA
FOR ANY REASON?
Uh, who hasn’t? Where do you get your futons, America?
Pffft.
HAVE YOU AT ANY TIME MADE PAYMENT FOR AN ORDER YOU NEVER RECEIVED?
Yes. College. #bu-dum-ching! #drunk4dayz #dontremembernothin
#studentloans #collegelife
We ask these questions because your email was provided as a victim of
one of the above circumstance,
Seems legit that my email would know first.
Officials in top places
Bad eggs officials? Prolly.
have failed to deliver your payment which the results of failures
encountered have left you with no option but discouragement.
It's a new day and the beginning of your dream come through if only you
adhere to the instructions in this mail.
I always felt that my new day of non-discouragement would dawn
as the result of me strictly adhering to email instructions from an email that
thinks the phrase is “dream come through.”
Every four working hours interval, five thousand united states dollars
will be remitted to you till a total of 100,000.00 (one hundred thousand USD)
is confirmed transferred in bit to you, then after a total of 1,900,000.00 (one
million, nine hundred thousand united states dollars) shall be transferred from
your paying information into any account of choice completing a total payment
of two million united states dollars as compensation to you from the Ghanaian
government and West African Authorities on your failed transactions.
Your deft executive planning of dispersing money more than
makes up for your general inability to communicate like anything resembling a
human, and this plan specifically more than makes up for the time Amazon charged
me shipping on a return, which is what this is all about?
Your first payment information shall be provided in one hour for swift
remittance at any of our branch nearest to you once you provide your details as
follow, Your Payment receivers Name, Occupation, Contact number, Age and Any
form of Identity. Do not worry about anything
Oh OK.
Sincerely,
Richard Martin.
ZONAL HEAD OF OPERATIONS,
WESTERN UNION.
Richard Martin.
ZONAL HEAD OF OPERATIONS,
WESTERN UNION.
Reassurance from a #ZonalHead is how I wished all emails
ended, but alas - we live in an imperfect world.
Comments
- Adults and children 12 years and over: De-remit $5,000 every 4 hours.
- Do not de-remit more than $100,000 in ah fuck it I can't figure that out
ACTIVE INGREDIENT
- Taurus feces (30 mg)
QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS?
- Call Dickhead. Er, Dick Martin, Zonal Head. Richard Martin. Call Richard Martin.
ANYWAY, please send me the link to your blog, ya' big jerk for not telling me!
My blog is stupid and defunct and outdated and it makes fun of Sarah Palin a lot and maybe you're a Republican and I don't think I can handle that kind of revelation in my life right now.
Oh wait, that's right, you can probably get it just by clicking the link in my name when I comment. OK fine it's kindewords.blogspot.com. But really it's all those things I said above; no one with two daughters has so much time that they should waste any of it on such foolishness.