Spam email of the week

Subject: New TV Casting: Cash In Your Life $$$

"Cash In Your Life (dollar signs)" is a show I will sacrifice everything to be on.

New Television Casting for: Ca$h In Your Life

Got it.

NEW TV #CASTING: Cash In Your Life


A new television series

Family Ties? J/k it's: Cash In Your Life

is seeking out couples and families for a chance to cash in their lives for a fresh start!

So let me get this straight. I cash in my life - like you take my life and give me money for it, and then I am dead (bad) but have money (good) - and then I get a fresh start? As a rich dead person? Is this "Weekend at Bernie's III: The Musical?"

Have you always wondered, what if? What if you had followed your dreams? What if you no longer had the job you don't love?

What if you had followed your dreams
What if you no longer had the job you didn't love
What if you should decide
That you want to cash in your life
For a show called Ca$h In Your Life
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a brave jump over the side

Maybe your real calling is to open up a bed & breakfast, a boutique, or run a yacht charter.

Well yeah, sure, no doubt my calling is to run a yacht charter. That would be wonderful, obvs. But it's like, add me to the list of people whose dream it is to run a yacht charter, you know? I mean, you could graduate with honors from the best yacht charter school around (University of Phoenix Online Yacht Charter School) which, you know, I did - just sayin' - but you still have to know someone to get your foot in the door. It's all politics. And I have a family to raise. I had to make sacrifices. I'm not bitter though.

Whatever your dream may be,

My dream is to run a yacht charter.

we are ready to pull out the stops, appraise your life, and offer you a check to cash in and start the life you have always wanted.

Please appraise my life and inform me if I am worth enough to go back in time to run a yacht charter school. Do I have to start as a baby again? I am going to be one impatient-ass baby, knowing that a yacht charter gig awaits but I have to go through all the bells and whistles of growing up and establishing bonds unrelated to yacht chartering. Unless:


Doron Ofir Casting is on a nationwide search for couples that are tired of being in the same old rut, with the same old job and want to find out what their lives are really worth!

Me: Babe. You're not going to believe this!

Wife: What?

Me: Doron Ofir Casting is on a nationwide search for couples that are tired of being in the same old rut and they're going to turn them into babies again and give them money or whatever and then we can finally start BABY-RUN YACHT CHARTER.

Wife: I'm sorry - "same old rut?"

Me: Hey, listen - I told you when we got married that if the chance ever arose for me to cash in my life and finally fulfill my dream of chartering yachts, I would jump. You just never thought it would happen.

Wife: I'm going to bed.

Me: By "bed" do you mean "rut?" SEE WHAT I MEAN.

If you are finally ready to roll the dice and turn your fantasy into reality then apply now at:

(logs on to Internet, applies)

(auditions, rejected as life is valued at $3.75 - insufficient for yacht charter deposit - although immeasurable in factors of love, joy, inner peace)