Feeling lonely. Wishing someone could introduce me to some products. (logs on to email)
Subject: Introduction of products
Dear [GENDER UNKNOWN],
I am a dude, btw, fwiw.
We are Box Marsh located In Pakistan City, Sialkot, specialize in exporting various type of garment.
Nice to meet you, Box Marsh! May I also add that you specialize in grabbing my attention :0 :) ;)
Our main products are Martial Arts Uniforms,Boxing Gloves, Mixed Martial Arts Equipments, Protectors Wooden Weapon and relative products.
Here's the thing about email that makes it so great. Let's say I'm a [GENDER UNKNOWN], just sitting here wanting to do martial arts but I don't have a uniform. Also, what about equipments? You can't just do martial arts without equipments. And it's like, all of my martial arts friends ALREADY have protectors wooden weapon, so all of my martial arts moves - performed naked and without equipments because, again, I have no uniform or equipments - are useless because they are protected by their protectors wooden weapons. I have splinters from their protectors wooden weapons in my butt and stuff, and as a result, I am sad. Plus, to top it all off, I need relative products. All seems lost. But then I get this email.
We are proud of our highly experienced, skilled staffs who work very hard for the development of the company and meeting customers’ demand in an effective way.
If I were Box Marsh, I would be most proud of the staff(s) who put this email together because it is fine and wonderful.
Our aim is to serve customers and make sure that they are comfortable and satisfied with our products and services.
If "Protectors Wooden Weapon" doesn't elicit a strong sense of comfort, then you are barking up the wrong customer tree.
We like to work on demands.
BOX MARSH: WE LIKE TO WORK ON DEMANDS.
Bam, there it is, your new slogan. You're welcome. Says it all. All other Box Marsh-related words are superfluous. But just in case, let's hear more.
Please visit our online website www.boxmarsh.com and mentioned us your interested items.
Holy **** you just killed grammar. Grammar is dead. GO HOME EVERYONE, GRAMMAR HAS DIED. Time of death: now. Victim: Grammar. Suspect: Box Marsh. RIP GRAMMAR, SEE YOU AT THE CROSSROADS.
Also, I went on your website. The headline is "Box Marsh, Manufacturer & Exporter of Boxing Equipments." I have bookmarked it for two reasons: a) as a general source for all my boxing equipments needs, and b) specifically to browse "MMA RASH GUARDS" when I am feeling down. But what if I still have questions?
If you don't find what you need on our website...e-mail us firstname.lastname@example.org , and one of our friendly, knowledgeable Person will be happy to help you.
Thank you. It is indeed comforting to know that within a company as big and Pakistani as Box Marsh, you can still reach a friendly Person (whose name is Person, we can assume) when you want to order a Protectors Wooden Weapon to ward off oncomers. DON'T YOU GO CHANGIN' BOX MARSH.