Subject: Global Foods USA
I like my coffee black, my women feisty, and my food global but also from the motha truckin' U S of A.
My name is Mike. (looks around) No one else is h-
Hope you doing well.
Me is. Thank you.
Please kindly find our Special offer for Rice as follows i.e :
Am I being kindly offered a special deal on rice right now? If you have Basmati rice I am going to crap my pants. With excitement. But also for real.
Basmati Rice :
Pure Basmati Rice from the foothills of Himalaya
My friend and I frequently joke that you can't call it Basmati rice if it ain't from the Himalayas. My friend is imaginary. How much for the pure sh*t?
Product Code : GBR 30
Price : US$ 52.82/ BAG
That is a good deal. Is 30 pounds of rice enough though? I live alone.
1121 Basmati Parboiled Rice
I was actually thinking that I might be better off with Basmati parboiled rice.
Pure Basmati Rice from Indian Sub Continent, Longest Grain Available in the World
Why don't we head back to my sub continent and I'll show you the largest grain available in the world? (from my new comedy album, "Rice Penis Metaphor Jokes," feat. CONDO-lease-a-Rice)
Product Code : G1121- 30
Price : US$ 62.82/ BAG
You pay extra for the parboiling every time, but it's worth it.
Long Grain White Rice
Classic. Sometimes you just wanna slide on a pair of blue jeans, throw on some Norah Jones, and order a 30-pound bag of long grain white rice.
Product Code : GGR- 30
Price : US$ 40.80/ BAG
Honestly this feels like stealing at these p-rices.
Long Grain Parboiled Rice
Now this ... this is just cray. Who came up with this? Fire him immediately. Actually? Promote him. THIS JUST MIGHT BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK.
Product Code : GPR- 30
Price : US$ 44.80/ BAG
Please let us know your requirement by email firstname.lastname@example.org or by Fax: 1-864-751-5791
(jams machine at work attempting to manually fax in order to "Muhammad Faheem" for multiple 30-pound bags of rice) (turns to coworkers patiently waiting to use fax machine) What? OH LIKE YOU GUYS DON'T USE THIS FOR PERSONAL STUFF.
Global Foods USA
No, Muhammad Faheem - thank YOU. You've restored my faith in being able to receive unsolicited emails to purchase rice. I ... I love you.