Thursday, August 14, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: Catalogues of Stone and Concrete Diamond grinding polishing tools, Diamond polishing pads, Backer pads and Accessories, Polishing machines, Stone installation tools, Stone carry tools

I wonder what this is about. The subject is vague.

Hi, Dear Manager

Hi, dear robot.

How are you?

I am ... okay. A little on the groggy side, but ... okay.

Glad to introduce to you our High quality Stone and Concrete Diamond grinding polishing tools, Backer pads and Accessories, Polishing machines, Stone installation tools, Stone carry tools.

If you were to ask me how I am doing now I would say a-MA-zing because I have been looking to acquire a high quality concrete diamond grinding polishing tool for a hot minute, but nobody was emailing me and I didn't know where to turn.

Enclosed are the catalogues for various of the grinding and polishing tools.

First, great sentence. A-plus sentence. Also, I just want to mention that robot dude here is NOT kidding - there are approximately 170 pdf attachments to this email, and one of them is titled "Brushes." I am most intrigued, however, with "Stone installation carry tools" because, like many, I love to install stone but often lack the means to transport the stone and the tools to install it. (Sorry, just realized I dropped a #stonecarryproblems.)


This pdf is extremely helpful because one of my major questions going into this was "How many snatches is the Pump Action Sucker? No, not that Pump Action Sucker, the one with the Iron Handle." The answer, of course, is 240kgs. Of snatches? For the 200mm. I don't know.

Kindly contact me if you have any questions.

Are snatches a British unit of measurement?

It is our pleasure to be on service of you.

Come again?

It is our pleasure to be on service of you.

I'm sorry, I just-

It is our pleasure to be on service of you.

Did we just have sex?

Looking forward to your kind and prompt reply.

Please remove me from your mailing list.

2 comments:

JediJeff said...

I wonder if convicts can get emails. This should be forwarded to Andy Dufresne.

mkenny59 said...

His "stone carrying tool" was his pants, was it not? You're right - he can do better than that. I'll see what I can do!