Spam email of the week
Subject: Do you poop less 3x per day? (you?re dying a slow
death -URGENT)
Pretty liberal with the
use of the “URGENT” tag there. What are you going to do when you have to
warn our nation’s poopers who are susceptible to a quick death?
And to answer your
question: Like any red-blooded American male, I could go four days without
pooping at all, and have days where I poop 17 times before lunch. Should I
average this out?
Click HERE
Nope.
By eating this one weird food, can you really
REVERSE & RESTORE your internal digestive system that may be stewing in
rotting feces & disease, slowly killing you?
Stop—you had me at
stewing in rotting feces. Also, are you asking me? Because I don’t know. I just got here. I thought you were going to tell me.
This really works: It’s the #1 most important
discovery in the last 25 years!
Didn’t NASA just discover seven Earth-like planets? Did that push “one weird food” down the list
at all? No? OK. “It’s the #1 most important discovery in the last 25 years!”
sounds like a Trump tweet after he realized Obama was tapping his phones. So
obviously this is legit.
This frightening new report show how this toxic
mess, AKA “The Silent Killer”, stored for years inside your colon, leaks out
& poisons your cells and other organs!
- What frightening report? You haven’t linked to anything, and I don’t see a bibliography. I want to read the frightening report.
- “The Silent Killer” is also how we good folks describe the farts that result from the very conditions you outline. Are you saying we’ll have to give up silent farts? I’m not sure we’re willing to make that sacrifice.
- All of these typos are theirs, FYI.
Fact is,
Yes, please tell me the
facts.
research shows that a simple 7-second trick added
to your morning routine can literally REVERSE & ELIMINATE this “Silent
Killer” F-A-S-T!
Yes, literally. Not in
the figurative or metaphoric sense, like when we say “REVERSE & ELIMINATE
this ‘Silent Killer’ F-A-S-T!” and we are referring to our least favorite
baseball player from our favorite baseball team grounding into a double play.
Also, few terms bolster the notion of “research” better than “weird” and “trick.”
To unsubscribe, click here.
“To unsubscribe from
receiving additional ominous warnings about your pooping habits, click here.”
I didn’t click. Just in
case.
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