Thursday, June 05, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: FOR.  Mrs. Jane Donald.

Despite your ALL CAPS emphasis, I believe you mean "from." Also, seriously with the periods. Also, stating who the email is from as a subject header is weird and a dead giveway that this is a load of crap. Also, please, go on.

Beloved Friend,

I don't know you.

Greetings,I am Mrs.Jane Donald.

OK now we are friends. As a beloved friend, I can say with sincerity that I hope your husband is not dead and also that you are young and healthy.

an aging widow suffering from long time illness.

Oh snap.

i am currently admitted in a private hospital here in Abidjan cote d' Ivory,

Say word. That is dope (?) and very relevant to my everyday life. Tell me, Mrs. Jane Donald, about your funds.

I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Mr.Frank Donald.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bring together in love Mr. Frank Donald and Mrs. Jane Donald, with me, Father Donald Donald - no relation - as supreme witness to their love and also to their funds. If any fake person should object to this union, please reply via email with the note, "FOR. Father Donald Donald." Now, let us read the famous words of Paul Donald: "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love will find you in a private hospital in Abidjan cote d' Ivory, sending emails to random people about funds."

The amount of US$6.800.000 which he deposited in one of the Bank Here

Do you have six dollars and eighty cents burning a hole in your pocket? Well, come on by to Bank Here. With a simple proof of residence, we can get you set up with a new account in no time. And yes - that would be a free checking account. No fees, just funds. Swing by today! After all, why bank somewhere else when you can Bank Here? Bank Here is a non-member FDIC; free checking includes $25 monthly fee.

and I need a honest and God fearing person who have the feelings of human

I Tarzan Mike, you Jane. Me have human feelings. Me sometime feel sad. Me sometime feel glad. Me get butterflies in tummy when handsome human approaches. Me no have emotions of rabbit. Me no do everything for carrots, but for human fulfillment.

that can use this funds for God's work and 30% out of the total funds will be for your compasation for doing this work of God.

"When you give alms using the money of dead or dying people, keep like 30 percent or whatever for yourself. For the effort. Treat yo self." - Not Jesus

Please if you would be able to use these funds for the Lord's work kindly reply to me at (janedonald2014@hotmail.com)

Please reply to that address and not the address I sent this email from: janedonald@talktalk.net. That is my talktalk.net account, which I only use to send emails, not receive emails, so really it should be called talk.net LOL. But seriously, please use my janedonald2014@hotmail.com email address. I set up a hotmail account in 2014, which is normal, and my name is Jane Donald. It's all there in the email address. If you have any questions though, please reply to Jane.Donald@q.blerg. This is all legit.

Oh, Jane Donald was kind enough to send a picture with this email. The picture is titled "I with my late love husband..JPG" and it is attached twice because: of course it is.


I have a few things to mention:

  • If anybody knows who these people really are, please tell them that Mrs. Jane Donald is using their likeness for spam purposes.
  • Guy in the orange shirt on the left is Father Donald Donald, probs.
  • RIP Mr. Frank Donald. He loved his couch and his picture of an industrial complex. When he wasn't killing deer for sport, he was a great love husband. Please leave all condolence bouquets on the coffee table. Thank you.

No comments: