Friday, October 11, 2013

Spam email of the week

Subject: spiritual help

Some people visit their pastor. Some people sit in quiet reflection. Some people escape to their personal oasis of solitude. For my spiritual help, I just LOG ON Y'ALL. GMAIL.COM FOR ALL YOUR SPIRITUAL NEEDS IT'S FREE TELL A FRIEND.

Are you finding it difficult finding the right solutions to all your
problems?


Oh my gosh YES! It's like you are reading my mind and there's no way you could have known that. Yesterday, for example, I had two problems: 1) an inescapable, deep-seeded, fearful and sudden realization of my own mortality and 2) Twitter wasn't working. I tried to solve both of these problems by drinking a 12-pack of Schlitz at my desk at work but it only solved the Twitter problem. But then I posted drunk tweets and now I have more problems and also I got fired.

you don't need to hide your problem because if you do, you
will never find the solution to it.


That is literally the most profound thing I have ever read in my entire life, and I feel like it speaks to me personally because I only have one problem. I know I mentioned several problems earlier, but everything stems from my one main problem, and I have never told anyone about this problem before. But you're right - if I hide from this problem I will never find a solution to it. So ... here goes:

I'm too sexy for my shirt.

FEELS LIKE A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS.

(The weight was my shirt, which was heavy.)

so i advice you visit me prophet
Akpabor today and get all your problem solved.


Prophet Akpabor, is the manner in which you speak what grammar will be like IN THE FUTURE? That was my first question. My second question is: Please solve all my problem.

financial problems,
marriage problem, court case, what ever your problem is,


Sexual problems, relationship, Windows 98, allergies, car problems ... wow, Prophet Akpabor, you really run the whole gamut of problem-solving! Maybe you should speak to Congress LOLLLZZZ.

The President continued, "I can't say it's been easy, these days during the shutdown. But we worked together to solve it, and for that I - this whole country, for that matter - has one man to thank. Prophet Akpabor, please stand up ... "

It was then a group including Donald Trump and Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona stood up and collectively screamed, "I told you he was Muslim!"


get them
solved because god didn't send you to this world to suffer.


Prophet Akpabor, you speak the truth. Just like Jesus, when he said, "Blessed are those who suffer" I mean Vanilla Ice when he said, "If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it." Between you and Vanilla Ice, I am G-2-G (good to go, but you knew that b/c you're a prophet, my bad for spelling it out).

you are bless

No, YOU are bless! Thanks for everything, PA, catch you on the flip.


"you don't need to hide your problem because if you do, you
will never find the solution to it." - Prophet Akpabor

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