Spam email of the week


This is either spam or an actual message from one of our senior citizen subscribers.

   The Peoria Times Staff                        Dear friends,                                         It's a

great pleasure to contact you through these lines.

Still not sure.

I learnt about you through the Merriam-Webster Website a few days ago.

Oh yes, many people find us through the online dictionary website.

You: How do you spell learnt?

Merriam-Webster online: I don't know but maybe you'd like to subscribe to the Peoria Times community weekly newspaper? If you read newspapers you can leanrt how to spell good, and this is the only paper we know about thnx good luck :)

I had been trying to contact you on the Web several times and,today at last I could do it,

What was your difficulty in trying to contact us prior? I am assuming it was something on our end as you seem very adept at computer navigation and terminology and life in general. Nevertheless, what's up?

I would like to subscribe on your beautiful and honorable paper.

I won't argue that our newspaper is famously beautiful and honorable, but I am slightly confused by your request to subscribe on it. Are you saying you'd like to subscribe to our paper while also standing on it? That would be a cool, symbolic gesture of your commitment to our paper and I think we should schedule that pronto. Of course then we will place your subscription in our website and you can find it anytime you'd like by physically stepping into our website and looking around. That is how things work.

I am an experienced English Professor and Teacher from Venezuela,I am an America's lover to the core.

Your grasp of the English language is quite obvious, and there is no better evidence of your love of America than your interest in subscribing to random, community newspapers from around the country. Hot dogs, apple pie, baseball, Ford F-150s, and getting the Peoria Times delivered to your home no matter where you live. If that's not your idea of America, then you are just not an America's lover to the core, as they say.

I say everyday to myself:"I am deeply proud of the Wonderful language that The United States gave me".

That is such a powerful statement. Some people just don't appreciate English, the language that was birthed in the good ol' U. S. of A. When the pilgrims came here, they spoke gibberish, but then the head pilgrim was like, "We should speak English," and everybody was like, yeah, that's dope. So they learnt it, and now the terrorists try to destroy our language but they can't. THESE LINGUISTIC IDIOSYNCRASIES DON'T RUN. It's like, "press 2 for Spanish?" How about (hangs up phone, eats apple pie, logs on to Merriam-Webster online, subscribes to community newspaper from another state)?

I will appreciate your help and sooner reply about the matter in question.                                   

          Cordially your friend always,                    Antonio Campero.

Este mensaje ha sido enviado gracias al servicio BlackBerry de Movilnet

Oh, hey, Antonio - maybe you should teach your Blackberry to speak English. Kind of beginning to wonder whether you are really an America's lover to the core.