Thursday, October 10, 2013

Spam email of the week

Subject: ASU OYOs

FOR THE FIRST TIME, SUN DEVIL FANS AND LOVERS OF BUILDING BLOCK TOYS CAN UNITE THEIR PASSIONS.


FINALLY!!!

Person: I love the Arizona State University Sun Devils, but I ALSO love building block toys. This is very typical, and I represent a large number of people who love college and also children's toys. But why do these two passions have to be mutually exclusive? Arg!

Other person: Wait! I just got an email ...

OYO Sportstoys announces the launch of building block minifigures (LEGO compatible)

I mean, if you are making building block toys that are not LEGO compatible, that's just ... building block career suicide, no?

wearing the full uniform of the Arizona State Sun Devils.

This email came with an attached picture, and I will include it here and throughout this post so everyone knows that what I am talking about here is REAL, very real.


 

Sup.

In addition to team uniforms, the minifigures have rotating forearms and bending knees to allow them to run, sit, squat, and grip and throw a football.

I enjoy how these are being marketed to college football fans not as collectibles, but as actual toys to play with. BENDING KNEES ALLOW THEM TO SIT. I would like to know more about the forearms ...

College football OYOs have one extended forearm and one bent forearm to allow for a variety of position-specific poses.

A 28-year-old ASU alum who still lives in an apartment in Tempe is putting his ASU OYO toy in a sexually explicit position RIGHT NOW.

                                  That's messed up, brah. I DON'T ROLL LIKE THAT.

"We're thrilled to add college football to our growing list of products," said Tom Skripps, president of OYO Sportstoys. "The demand for buildable sports product has been amazing and we're excited to tap into the passion of college football fans."

"We can't believe people buy this shit," said Tom Skripps, president of OYO Sportstoys, from the helicopter pad of his Scottsdale mansion. "The demand for buildable sports products in a fledgling national economy is understandably nonexistent, but we've luckily been able to tap into the idiocy/drunkenness of college football fans."




                    That's messed up, brah. I WILL CUT YOU WITH MY BENDABLE FOREARM.

OYO Sportstoys retail for an average price of $12.99

Capitalism: The ability to charge $13 for a one inch plastic toy, with enough money left over to send out mass marketing emails about it.


                       CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON JOY. BITCH I CAN THROW A FOOTBALL

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