Thursday, February 01, 2007

Classic card of the week




*Special Friday edition
Mike Gminski, 1992 Topps Stadium Club

Mike Gminski didn’t think Dell Curry was playing adequate defense, so – as Mike Gminski often did - he took matters into his own hands. Said Gminski, “Dell could shoot, don’t get me wrong. But defense wasn’t his strong suit. Dell didn’t have the toughness to stay with his man. I mean, the guy was emaciated! We would go on team trips to McDonalds and Dell would order one chicken nugget, and whatever crumbs fell into his chest hair – that was his breakfast the next morning. I’d be like, ‘Dell, get a freakin No. 3 meal - (that was the quarter-pounder meal) – and Supersize that bitch!’ That’s what I’d say to him. Seriously, just like that. They didn’t have Supersize back then, but I always got mine Supersized anyway. I knew the workers there. But Dell would like, ‘Nah Mike Gminski, I’m not very hungry,’ and I’d like, ‘But Dell, you’re matching up against that pint-sized bespectacled fellow on the Sixers tonight! That guy’s gonna run circles around you if you’re not properly nourished!’ But Dell Curry wouldn’t listen. All he cared about was shooting the ball. So anyways, sure enough, he ends up getting smoked by the goggled guy. Dell was like a matador for the entire first quarter – the guy drove by him so fast one time, that the gust of wind it generated caused Dell to fly into the scorer’s table. I’m telling you – that guy was a freakin’ waif! So I’m all like, ‘Oh heeeeeell no! We’re not losing to the freakin’ Sixers tonight!’ You see, I pride myself on defense. I went to Duke, and you couldn’t play for Coach K if you didn’t play balls out, shutdown defense. Actually, if you look at the picture there real closely, you’ll see – my balls actually ARE out. But that has more to do with the shorts than anything. Anyways, so that little pesky nerd jogs the ball up the court, and I slap the floor with both hands so as to show that I mean business, rush up to the top of the key, push stupid Dell Curry out of the way, and start playing some serious defense! I was messing with him too, I was like, ‘Yo, hey, here batter, batter, batter, yo! Pass it to me! I’m over here!’ That totally freaked him out, cause he was probably all like, ‘Why should I pass it to you? You’re on the other team!’ Ha ha. So anyways, the guy gets so scared that he dribbles the ball off of his leg and out of bounds. Actually, it hit my leg last, and they retained possession. But I had made my point.” And it’s true, Mike Gminski was a force on defense, among many other aspects of organized basketball. The back of this card contains “The Sporting News Skills Rating System,” and here is how Mike Gminski ranks:
Intimidation: 3.4
Mobility: 3.4
Shooting Range: 3.8
Defense: 3.6



And while the card doesn’t elaborate what the best possible score is, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that it’s NOT out of “4.” Except for the intimidation factor, which is obviously out of 3.3.

Did you know?
Will Ferrell played Mike Gminski in the Lifetime movie, “Mike Gminski: Glory or Bust.”

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