Thursday, October 18, 2007

Classic card of the week



Mike Lynn, 1991 Pro Set

This is probably my best card featuring the President and CEO of a defunct league. It is also, amazingly, the worst. Nevertheless, Mike Lynn was, as you can see, the President and CEO of the World League. “What the hell is the World League?” you may be asking yourself. Excellent question! The World League provided an alternative for the millions and trillions of people throughout the world who were sick and tired of the NFL. Around 1991, the general consensus was, “Yeah, the NFL is okaaaay, I guess. But what about some freakin’ helmet cams! And I don’t know about you, but I’d like to see some shorter kick-off tees! And let’s get some Asians involved in all of this, ya’ know?”

This is where the World League stepped in, headed by Mike Lynn, who left his post as director of cruise ship operations for the Minnesota Vikings in order to do so. The World League consisted of 10 teams, including the New York / New Jersey Knights (rolls right off the tongue!), the Tallahassee Flamerockets, the Sydney Bearblasters, the Icelandic Torturers, the Walla Walla Dragon Decapitators, and the Egyptian Pyramids, among several others. All of these teams were required to wear helmets. Occasionally, Mike Lynn would gather up all the helmets of his respective teams, and bathe with them, basking in the glory of the league he had given birth to.

Astonishingly, the World League did not become the most popular league ever. Apparently, other parts of the world do not enjoy being force-fed American culture. I know, weird. “Hey, who cares about Manchester United? The New York slash New Jersey Knights are coming to town!” Even America hated the World League, a reality made public when American icon John (Cougar) Mellencamp refused to sing a song about it for commercial truck ads.

Nevertheless, the World League did, in fact, leave its imprint on earth. Among the various things spawned by the World League were a) the XFL – an equally successful endeavor, b) the two-point conversion (seriously), c) chili cheese fries, d) the Internet, e) He Hate Me, f) a potential Super Bowl in London g) the second season of “According to Jim,” h) virtual shin guards, i) this guy, and j) Zubaz.

Did you know?

According to the back of this card, Mike Lynn was a “player” for “none years.” He was however, a playa, for life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Of course, Mike Lynn is also famous for having traded 10 draft picks, 2 rookie players, 3 practice squad players, 4 cheerleaders, 2 CPAs from the Vikings front office, a nude photo of Chris Carter and Anthony Carter bathing together and the Deed to Manhattan island to the Cowboys in exchange for Herschel Walker. Walker then rushed for approximately 7 yards in 3 years for the Vikings before "accidentally" sitting in his locked car with the engine running in his garage and almost "accidentally" buying the farm. The Eagles helped the Vikings out by trading them a 37th round pick for Walker a few years later.... turned out the 37th round in that draft was actually pretty good, and the Vikes used that pick to take Hershel Walker again, on the hopes he would have better luck the second time around. He didnt. Anyway, because of all Mike Lynn's trickery, the Vikings kept him on as GM a few years longer than they should have, thus missing a golden opportunity to hire Matt Millen when he was available. That fact makes Lynn not only the most hated GM in Vikings history, but also in LIONS history as they are now stuck with GM-for-life Matt Millen.

Anonymous said...

Of course, Mike Lynn is also famous for having traded 10 draft picks, 2 rookie players, 3 practice squad players, 4 cheerleaders, 2 CPAs from the Vikings front office, a nude photo of Chris Carter and Anthony Carter bathing together and the Deed to Manhattan island to the Cowboys in exchange for Herschel Walker. Walker then rushed for approximately 7 yards in 3 years for the Vikings before "accidentally" sitting in his locked car with the engine running in his garage and almost "accidentally" buying the farm. The Eagles helped the Vikings out by trading them a 37th round pick for Walker a few years later.... turned out the 37th round in that draft was actually pretty good, and the Vikes used that pick to take Hershel Walker again, on the hopes he would have better luck the second time around. He didnt. Anyway, because of all Mike Lynn's trickery, the Vikings kept him on as GM a few years longer than they should have, thus missing a golden opportunity to hire Matt Millen when he was available. That fact makes Lynn not only the most hated GM in Vikings history, but also in LIONS history as they are now stuck with GM-for-life Matt Millen.