Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Cardinals have played on expectations…to a draw

Note: This column appears in the 11/1 issue of the Glendale Star, and the 11/2 issue of the Peoria Times

This Sunday marks the beginning of the second half of the season for the Arizona Cardinals. If I were asked to sum up the first half of the season, I would probably say, “Ehhh,” and then shrug my shoulders. The first seven games have provided a constant mix of good news and bad news for this team. Everything seems to be evening out -- the Cardinals are suddenly Jerry Seinfeld. In fact, let’s recap, shall we?

Bad news: Matt Leinart is playing like crap.
Good news: Here comes Kurt Warner!

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Bad news: Here comes a quarterback controversy.
Good news: Leinart got hurt! Controversy over.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Bad news
: Warner is hurt.
Good news: Wait, no he’s not!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Bad news: We are 3-4, under .500.
Good news: Three of those four losses are by a combined eight points, and the 15-point loss to Carolina came with Tim Rattay at quarterback. This team is in every single game.

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Bad news: I can’t believe we’re rolling with Tim Rattay! He wasn’t in the league two days ago!
Good news: I can’t believe they’re rolling with Vinny Testaverde! He wasn’t in the league two days ago!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Bad news: We are 1-3 on the road. We have a long way to go to earn respect.
Good news: We have shown amazing chutzpah on the road, making valiant comebacks against Baltimore and Washington, only to fall short at the end. We have earned everyone’s respect.



- - - - - - - - - - -

Bad news
: Levi Brown is out.
Good news: Elton Brown is in!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Bad news
: We lost to the 49ers.
Good news: We beat Seattle!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Now let’s reverse it…

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Good news: We beat Pittsburgh!
Bad news: We lost to Vinny Testaverde.



- - - - - - - - - - -

Good news: Neil Rackers nailed a 50-yarder to win the game!
Bad news: Neil Rackers missed a 50-yarder to blow the game.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Good news: With a slate that included two of the first three games against 2006 playoff teams, and then an undefeated Steelers squad, the Cardinals should be thrilled to be sitting at 3-4 right now. Any sane person would have signed up for that on September 1st.
Bad news: That easy second-half schedule ain’t looking that easy anymore. Games at Tampa (4-4), at Cleveland (4-3), and against Detroit (5-2) don’t appear to be the cupcakes they once were on September 1st.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Good news: Ken Whisenhunt is a genius! His original insertion of Warner into the offense was brilliant, and his game plan against the Steelers was the stuff of legend. He should run for President!
Bad news: Ken Whisenhunt is an idiot! What is he thinking having Anquan Boldin throw a pass into traffic with the game on the line? He should be fired!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Good news: You go, Rod Hood! Your interception return for a touchdown against the Rams won us the game!
Bad news: Stupid Rod Hood! Your blown coverage of Steve Smith cost us the game!

- - - - - - - - - - -

Good news: We beat Matt Hasselbeck!
Bad news: We signed Tim Hasselbeck.

At this rate, the Arizona Cardinals are staring straight down the barrel of an 8-8 season, which wouldn’t be so bad, actually. Or would it?


I caught a fish!
I should throw it back.

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