Monday, March 05, 2007

Classic card of the week




Desi Relaford, 1998 Fleer/Skybox

There seems to be a blatant contradiction here. Desi Relaford is rocking the Phillies uni, but he plays for the Little Dawgs? I don’t understand. And more importantly, what are the Little Dawgs? A minor league affiliate? An expansion team? A giant typo? Let’s turn the card over and find out: What is a “LITTLE DAWG?” Major league teams invite as many as 70 players to Spring Training each year. With so many players, it’s sometimes difficult to learn everybody’s name, so Barry Larkin simply refers to the players he doesn’t recognize as “Little Dawgs.” Well, I mean…obviously. I should have known that Barry Larkin was somehow involved in all of this! As a matter of fact, the open dialogue among Skybox executives prior to the release of this set went as follows:
Executive No. 1: Alright, we’ve got this set of cards coming out, featuring a bunch of young guys on the cusp of greatness. What should we call it?
Executive No. 2: Maybe we could call it, “Future stars?”
Executive No. 1: Oh, that’s reeeeaaal original, Executive No. 2. You’re fired. Pack up your shit.
Executive No. 3: I have an idea! Why don’t we call up Cincinnati Reds’ veteran shortstop Barry Larkin and find out what he would do in this situation!
Executive No. 1: Now that’s some thinking outside the box!
Though this explanation seems obvious and self-explanatory, it still leaves us with some burning questions, namely, “Why Barry Larkin?” And also, “What is Barry Larkin doing at Phillies’ camp?” And don’t forget about, “Why Barry Larkin?” But I’m nitpicking here, of course. The main thing to remember is, if Barry Larkin doesn’t recognize you, he will call you, “Little Dawg,” but you must respond to him by calling him “Barry Larkin,” “Mr. Larkin” if you’re nasty. In the end, I suppose that being referred to as “Little Dawg” is better than “Chief,” “Boss,” or “Bro.” Seriously – I hate it when someone calls me bro. If Barry Larkin called me “bro,” I would totally kick his ass smile politely and ask him for an autograph. But let us not forget about the Little Dawg himself, Desi Relaford. What does the future hold for him? He should be the anchor of the Philadelphia infield for years to come. SPOILER ALERT! He’s not. Unless by “anchor of” they meant “worst player on,” and by “Philadelphia infield,” they meant “Long Island Little Dawgs.”



Desi Relaford fun facts!

Favorite Broadway production: Tony & Tina’s Wedding

Favorite animal: Puppies

Favorite weatherman: Sam Champion

Three people, past present or future, you’d like to have dinner with: Lil' Bow-Wow, Barry Larkin, and Rasputin

Did you know?
Executive No. 2 was later rehired after he came up with this idea.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the surprise link to the Randy Johnson world series dirt card...a classic among classics! I am hysterical over here.