Friday, March 30, 2007

Classic card of the week



Joe Johnson, 1988 Topps
*Special Friday edition

Here is a picture of Joe Johnson making his famous “Who farted?” face. Johnson, not to be confused with the Atlanta Hawks’ Joe Johnson, was the first known player in Major League history to have four eyebrows – two above his eyes, and two above his mouth. Teammates affectionately called them “mouthbrows.” That, combined with no sideburns and an adequate mullet, made Joe Johnson a fashion icon regular guy in Canada. When he wasn’t openly wondering who beefed, Joe Johnson was busy beefing up himself. A legend in the weight room, Johnson could bench press 350 lbs, like, a million times. Instead of weight gloves however, Johnson wore baseball mitts on both hands whenever he lifted weights. His rationale for this was that it made a baseball in his glove feel much lighter. Joe Johnson also invented the Zubaz pants. One can only imagine the intimidating image of Johnson walking into the weight room wearing Zubaz pants, a Gotcha tank top, a Blue Jays hat, baseball gloves on both hands, and sweaty mouthbrows, ready to pump some iron. I can almost hear G N’R blasting from here. And I doubt he used a spotter. An absolute force with the Blue Jays in 1987, Johnson went 3-5 with a 5.13 ERA, which wasn’t very good, and also was not the absolute force that I had previously mentioned. That was my bad. As a matter of fact, this card was actually a bit premature, as Johnson never even pitched in the big leagues following the 1987 season, opting instead to travel the world in an attempt to locate the definitive abdominal machine. He is still looking.

Did you know?
Joe Johnson makes the same face when driving through Staten Island.

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