Classic card of the week

Tim Fortugno, 1995 Fleer
*Special Friday edition

Hey, what was it again that you wanted to know about Tim Fortugno? Was it his height? Weight? Did you want to know what town he was born in? Did you want to know from what side of the plate this American League pitcher takes his hacks? Actually, maybe I got ahead of myself there – did you need to know what team Tim Fortugno plays for, what position he plays, and with which hand he throws the ball? Maybe the picture wasn’t clear enough? Speaking of the picture, did you want to know what Tim Fortugno looks like outlined in yellow? Did you always wonder what the name “Fortugno” would look like slightly cut-off, but in big, block letters? Because if you wanted to know the answers to any, or possibly ALL of these questions, have I got the card for you! It’s a Tim Fortugno card (dummy!), and you don’t even have to turn it over. Because all of the vital statistics that you need to know about Tim Fortugno are right there – on the front! – and they’re sporadically placed throughout the card, amidst a sea of watercolors that are obviously very pleasing to the eye (if you don’t have eyes). And not only does this card scream Tim Fortugno literally, it also screams his name figuratively, because Tim Fortugno was that kind of guy. Fortugno hated the fact that most baseball cards put personal information on the back of the card. He felt it insinuated that he was trying to hide something, which he wasn’t (unless you counted his foot fetish, but “Let’s not go there,” said Fortugno). As a matter of fact, when Tim Fortugno introduced himself to everyday people, like garbage men, he would say, “Hello there! I’m Tim Fortugno. I am a left-handed pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, and on the occasion that I am asked to bat, I swing left-handed in that fashion as well. I am six feet tall and 195 pounds, although that could change after lunch – I get taller after turkey. Ha, ha! Just kidding. Anyway, I was born in Clinton, Massachusetts on April 11, 1962. I wear No. 51. Here is my trash.” As an added bonus, you can still turn the card over for some awesome stats, although, I’m not exactly sure whose stats they are. It doesn’t say.

Did you know?
The concept for this card originated with a Fleer executive staring at a pile of barf.


Dykstra said…
Funny - I was sure that Fleer guy had chugged some Nyquil before coming up with that one.