Classic card of the week

*Special Friday edition
Checklist, 1987 Donruss

Worst. Card. Ever. Seriously, whose idea was it to have a checklist? That person should be burned at the stake for wasting precious cardboard, and for dashing the dreams of innocent youngsters hoping to find a Ken Griffey Jr. somewhere in the pack they paid $3.50 for, which was money saved up from mowing the lawns of elderly neighbors throughout their block. What a crock of poop the checklist card is. Let’s examine the reasons why: 1) Do you know anyone – anyone? – who actually checked the boxes off of the cards they acquired? Really though, anyone? I don’t know a single person who did this, and if I had, I definitely wouldn’t have traded baseball cards with this hypothetical idiot. Although, I would have checked off boxes when this person wasn’t looking, making them they think they had a 1987 Odell Jones card, when in fact, they didn’t, which would have thrown off everything in their precious little world. (By the way, I didn’t even know anyone who tried to complete sets randomly like this. If you wanted a set, you bought the whole thing for like $40 or $50 – you didn’t spend $800 on individual packs, thus ending up with 97 worthless Dickie Thon cards and 48 checklists. I’m just saying.) 2) Anybody who knows anything about baseball cards knows that you can’t write on them, or they tend to lose their value. So, let’s say you are trying to complete a set, and you’re checking off your checklists like a total jackass, and then…you’re done! Hooray, except now your checklist cards are worthless because you wrote all over them like a complete douchebag. So now you have to go looking for checklist cards to complete your set, which means you have to buy at least 23 more packs of cards, because card stores didn’t usually sell checklist cards individually. 3) And this is probably the worst one. You know what card is always featured on the checklist? The checklist. Are you freakin’ kidding me?! Hey kids, make sure you get the checklist so you can check off your checklist! What a vicious cycle. May the checklist card burn in hell.

Did you know?
Checklist cards went by the number on the back of each card, not by individual talent, which is the only reason why Bobby Bonilla is ahead of Checklist.


Joseph P. said…
The best trend among supermarkets lately: putting old packs in vending machines. Every time I go to the A&P, I buy at least one pack of cards, dating from 1986 through 1994. The most hilarious part: in the two dozen or so packs I've bought this year, I think I have eight or nine Dickey Thon cards. Actually, the most hilarious part is that I probably have another two dozen Thon's in my pile of baseball cards from my youth.

PS: don't eat the gum in the packs. Nothing can wash down that taste. Your mouth will taste shitty for at least an hour, no matter what you try to flush it with.
Anonymous said…
You bring up an interesting point. Why is the checklist on the checklist randomly at #600? Shouldn't it be first? Don't you need the checklist to complete the checklist? The mental train of thought should begin..."Checklist...Check..." No?
CMB said…
That was great! I did not know about the checklist, so thank you for calling it to my attention.
Anonymous said…
I agree with anonymous. I've seen alot of checklists on which the checklist is checked..??

...and also if all the cards on the checklist are checked BUT the checklist...

I guess it's like filling out your name on the SAT