Spam email of the week

Subject: Hello Ramos

This spam email was forwarded from my friend, whose first name—you might have guessed—is not Ramos. (Let’s just call her L. Ramos. Wait, no, that’s too obvious. Call her Lisa R.) There is no distinction of Ms., so one might wrongly assume this email is from an ol’ college pal—“YO Ramos!” Still, this is just the subject header, and I’m sure this odd informality will be resolved immediately in this otherwise obviously profresh correspondence.

Hello Ramos

It was not resolved.

I am Darany Meaker,

I am Ramos. Turns out we both have super obvs names, BESTIES.

a solicitor at law,

I like “solicitor at law” because “lawyer at law” is redundant at law.

I am soliciting

You don’t say. Execute your job title perfectly much?*

*I realize I am knee deep in a “much?” phase, and a justifiable counter would be: “Much much?” Please forgive me; I’ll snap out of it soon.

Your consent to stand a s a next of kin to my client Mr. Ramos who bears the same last name with you,

This solicitor AT LAW came hard with the illegality pretty quick. I may be but a humble blogger at law, but I’m pretty sure you can’t stand as next of kin based on last name alone. 

He worked with an oil company here in Cambodia.

Although, Cambodian judges are notoriously skeptical that a shared last name could transcend family ties, and might award you this case without DNA evidence. I say go for it, Ramos (me)!

On the March 12th 2011,


my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car crash and lost their lives.

I am comforted that this fake tragedy will have a happy ending—someone named Ramos getting paid, son.

Please contact me for more details in respect to the claim of his Fund valued ($9.2Million) left behind before it gets confiscated by the Finance Firm.

Oh so that’s how it works in Cambodia? If an estate has no next of kin, the money is awarded to a private finance firm? Hmmm. Hear that, OBAMA?

I intend to offer you 35% of the total funds for your assistance, if you accept this offer, urgently get back to me for more information.

Counteroffer: I take 100% of the funds because I am Ramos and you are not.

Darany Meaker Ramos