Thursday, April 02, 2015

Spam email of the week



Subject: Power Foods Are The Game Changer When It Comes To Losing Weight And Feeling Fit

Welp, that seems like everything I need to know. Thank you for this email and have a nice d-

Dear Mike Kenny:

OMG they actually know my name. What else do they know about me? Hopefully not how many fad diets I’ve tried FROWNY FACE

Instead of starting the year out with another fad diet that doesn't work,

Dammit.

learn the benefits of super foods from Peru!

OK.

Actually, what? I forget what we’re talking about on account of my lack of intake of Peruvian super foods.

They not only promote weight loss but boost energy, enhance memory and fight disease at the same time!

Say word. Been trying to beat this cystic fibrosis with French fries and let me tell ya’—IT AIN’T WORKIN’.

For nearly two decades Manuel Villacorta, award-winning registered dietitian,

Uh, duh, you don’t have to tell me who Manuel Villacorta is, sheesh. Think I’ve been living under a rock or su’in?

His new book, Whole Body Reboot: The Peruvian Super Foods Diet To Detoxify, Energize, And Supercharge Fat Loss

Was there any room left on the book cover to feature a Peruvian super food? J/k tell Manny I’m just busting his Peruvian balls (trans: American testicles).

is packed with food plans and mouth-watering recipes that make it easy for anyone to reach their goal weight –

I’ve never heard of a health book before. I bet a lot of people walking around out there thinking health is for losers are gonna be quite surprised when they see this book, which will be the only one in the “Health” section because there are literally no other health books.

just ask his publicist who lost 20 lbs in a few months and is fitter than she's been in decades!

Sure! His publicist sounds like an unbiased person to ask. What is her name and address and phone number and email so I can see pictures of her when she was fat or whatever?

Please read the following press release

Pass.

and let me know if I may schedule an interview with Manuel,

What are you like his publicist? Congrats on your weight loss! I just lost 20 kilobytes myself by deleting your email!

No comments: