Thursday, December 11, 2014

Spam email of the week

Subject: FW: FROM SUPREME COURT OF BENIN REP BRANCH: OB/OP/1234 PLOT AKPAKPA, COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC. OUR REF.CODE:BSEL/773/AWN/021/ 09 Phone;+229 68734461, Urgent Attention, You Are Expected To Call Us +229 68734461 Once You Receive These Email. Please my dear

That was the subject.

Please my dear the entire Supreme Court Of Benin Republic are here

Not just one or two guys, in which case I could have easily ignored this email. Nah, yo, errrybody be there, which is a statement about as grammatically potent as the one above.

to make it to be clear to you that there was a case that we have been handling here since concerning your funds because we got some reports that you did not received your funds since after every story you have being hearing regarding the funds and all types of payments you have be paid to receive the funds but none is received by you.

That was one sentence, fwiw. I mean, it wasn't a sentence sentence, but it felt like a sentence, in that reading it felt like punishment for something I did wrong.

And we are here to know the truth because the person that is in charge of the transaction said in this court here that you has received and confirmed to him that you received your funds and we are here to hear the truth from you.

That dude is a perjurer, yo. #truth

Please here bellow is what we want

(bellows extremely loudly)

OK, I held up my end. Where's my money or whatever this is about?

you to answer to us to enable us to handle this case normal the reporter said it has been done to you.

Certainly. I would like nothing more than for this case to be handled as normally as the email outlining its details, in which case Imma show up to court in a clown suit accompanied by my lawyer, who is a baby giraffe, in order to state my case to a jury of popular 80s cartoon characters. What do I need to do now?

(1)Do you...
To:


That is the end of the email. Thanks for stopping by today, everyone.

6 comments:

troy said...

I feel like you were kinda harsh on them, which was weird, because they called you 'my dear.' Twice. I wouldn't expect you to be softened up by being called 'my dear,' once, come on; you are a pro. But that second one really should have reached you, if you are in fact human.

troy said...

We might also discuss how much better it would be to live in Benin, where Supreme Court justices call you 'my dear,' in contrast to the United States, where judges sentence you to death.

troy said...

Actually, further research indicates that Benin is in fact very nice, as far as countries with governments go, and that it used to be known as the Kingdom of Dahomey, which is about one apostrophe away from being the best name for a country ever.

The Junior Junkie said...

I finished your book. Totes want to go out to dinner with your pops-in-law now.

Like, double totes.

mkenny59 said...

troy: Kingdom of Da'Homey sounds like an awesome Ray J reality show. And a fantastic place to live, with low taxes and an affectionate Supreme Court. You're right that I was too harsh - I guess I'm just jaded by these demands re: my funds. I will lighten up.

TJJ: Awesome, thanks so much! No joke, if I called Tony right now and said, "Hey, Dad - The Junior Junkie wants to have dinner with you," he'd be like, "Yeah yeah sure, that sounds great, tell him whenever." So ... whenever!

troy said...

Thank you my dear