Thursday, May 15, 2014

Spam email of the week



From: Rob Sugar

Bob, is that you? I thought you were fictional?

Greetings,

Greetings, Bob Sugar.

I’m contacting you on behalf of THE ANSWER!,

Allen Iverson? Cool!

a Croatian band

Oh.

that started its musical journey with their first single "If I Had U" that's already receiving airplay on a number of radios in USA and Europe.

What about radio stations? Because you know me, Bob—if 105.9 THE JOINTZ, “Playing only the hottest hits from the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 2000-teens and also slow jams by which to get your gri-zoove on” ain’t playin’ it, I ain’t tryin’ to hear it.

Oh wait, hold up—is that the joint that’s like, “If I Had U/I’d B takin’ U back to Croatia/To Meet My Granny/Imma Tell U I love U/Granny gonna hug Us and make us some Roasted Pheasant/Ooh ooh ooooh/If I had U”?

THAT’S MY JAM.

THE ANSWER! was also chosen to be a part of the Indie Top 50 mixtape made by Coast2Coast (USA),

Say word? I only get my mixtapes—which I then play in my cassette player—from Coast2Coast (USA). I wait all year for the Indie Top 50 mixtape … so glad it’s here. Hold up, Imma pop that in right now:

If I Had U

DJ CLUE … CLUE CLUE

I’d be takin’ U back to Croatia

THAT’S THAT FIRE

To Meet My Granny

THE ANSWER! FEATURING TOTAL AND THE LOST BOYZ

Imma Tell U I love U

ANOTHER CLUE BANGER

Granny gonna hug Us and make us some Roasted Pheasant

ROASTED PHEASANT Y’ALL

Ooh ooh ooooh, if I had U

CLUE CLUE CLUE

became a Featured Artist of the Month on Wilder1Radio and was Nr.1 on the Top 25 Chart of Museboat and Smacktongue radio.

Museboat AND Smacktongue? Dang son, say no more! Actually, maybe say more because: ???????

The thing that seperates THE ANSWER! from other bands is that they record each song in English and in Croat and their whole debut album is gonna be a double release - the Croatian version for their audience back home and the English one for the world.

That indeed separates THE ANSWER! from other bands. Where you at, The National? Why do you hate Croatia so much? And thanks, rest of the world, for making English your official language. Just easier that way.

THE ANSWER! is on Kickstarter at the moment where they're trying to raise the money for their debut album "Made of Question".

I feel like something got lost in that album title when it was translated from Croatian to English.

They are the first Croatian band to make that step and they've currently raised 15% of their goal amount with 25 days to go.

They are the first Croatian band to ask for money on the Internet? Congratulations?

Thank you for your time. Have a god day.
In America we call him "God," you Croatian pagan! And thank you. You, too.
Sincerely,

Mark Willis

Who the hell are you, Mark Willis, and what did you do to Bob Sugar? I need—wait for it, because this one is gold …


… 

—THE ANSWER!

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