Spam email of the week

Subject: Mother's Day Gift Ideas from GAIAM

Your company sounds like what Emeril Lagasse would yell when he thinks of a good Mother’s Day gift—GAIAM!

Hi Mike –

‘Sup.

it’s time to start thinking about the perfect presents to show mom how much we love her.

You love my mom? Okay. Also: presents?

For any Mother’s Day gift guides you may be working on,

Oh, sure, yeah … Mother’s Day gift guides. No doubt. I am currently swimming in Mother’s Day gift guides, and I feel blessed I’ve been able to pull myself out of this ocean of gift guides for but a moment to check my email and discover: more Mother’s Day gift ideas. For her birthday I got my mom an amazon.com gift card, and although that’s going to be hard to top from a creative standpoint, I am trying. Gosh darn it I am trying.

Gaiam has a variety of gift ideas to make shopping for Mother’s Day a breeze this year.

My mom’s enjoyment of Mother’s Day is a direct reflection of the breeziness with which I was able to purchase her gift. So this sounds dope.

Known primarily for their health, wellness, and fitness products, Gaiam also offers a variety casual clothing, accessories, and home décor at a variety of price points that would make great gifts for any mom this year.

Do you have photographic evidence of what you are describing here?

Dear Mom, I got you this Sleeveless Cascade Tank (top) for Mother’s Day. Please enjoy wearing it when you are hanging out in the mountains or whatever. I think it would go great with your absurdly large rosary bead necklace. Love, your straight, 36-year-old son

Dear Mom, I got you this Organic Yarn-Dyed Ticking (?) Stripe Bedding for Mother’s Day. Nothing says Mothers Day like bedding, according to GAIAM. Hope you have fun laying on it and stuff. (p.s. you owe me $175.) Love, Mike

Dear Mom, I got you this Reclaimed Silk Rug. It’s great for putting on the floor. May you always remember this Mother’s Day (2014) when you look at the floor and recall how much I spent on this rug for you ($429. Well, Kelly and Jill chipped in, but I haven’t got the money from Kelly yet. Can you remind her next time you guys talk?) Love, Mike

Dear Mom, I got you these Creative Energy Massage Oil Candles. Maybe you can light them while Dad is giving you a massage I can’t even—happy Mother’s Day, I’m out.