Spam email of the week

Subject: seek a Godly heart

This is powerful advice because it's one thing to hear this in church, quiet another to get it from the unlikely source of a terrible spam email. Kind of stops you in your tracks. It's like, I know the Ten Commandments, but if I were to walk into Spencer's Gifts and see an animatronic monkey toy robotically repeating, "HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER," it would really drive that point home, you know?

Anyway, what is your name, wise nonperson?

good day,i am mrs daras virginie.

Cool name! I like what you did with all the letters there.

im 82years,

YOUNG! Ha, ha, j/k that is mad old. That's cool how you are 82 and on email. Some of my best friends are 82-year-old email users. Always interfacing about the hottest trends. Anyway, how are you? Good health?

i just survived the 2nd heart attack in less than 2 years

Oh sh*t that sucks re: heart attack. Good to see you're up and running, back on email and everything. This was you in the hospital:

Daras Virginie: (barely conscious on hospital bed, gasping) Doctor, please fix my heart attack problem. My life is not yet complete. I have ... I have many emails to send. (faints)

i lost my husband a few years ago and God didn't bless us with a child, so i don't have a beneficiary for my life assurance.

What is life assurance? I guess your husband didn't have it because he died and stuff. Also, this is you, praying:

Dear God, please bless me and farffll virginie, my husband, with a child so we have a beneficiary for my life insurance policy. That is the reason I want a child, thanks. Daras, out.

i seek for a Godly person to assit me in my last days and accomplish my last will.

Holla atcha boy.

i have a life assurance of two million eight hundred thousand and fifty dollars.i wish to help the house of God,motherless homes and few organisation that help the poor.

Do you know how life insurance works? Nevermind. Just list me as your beneficiary and when you die I will send the money to all the motherless homes. What are motherless homes? Are they those homes that just have kids living inside doing whatevs? Is it okay if dads are there? Please advise.

please reply me GOD BLESS YOU.

So I should "reply you" at that and not directly to this email, which came from:

Or maybe I should reply you at

Why not

Or how about not_quite_a_virgin.daras.but_no_child:(

Okay I'm done.