Thursday, May 02, 2013

Spam email of the week

Subject: Classifed

Hello Newspaper,


If our newspaper could talk, it would say, "Hello!" Well, not today, cause it's being a dick. But usually.

I have a classified ad for free motorcycle due to my son sudden death

Oh okay. Maybe you want to leave out the part about your son dying because that is terrible. Also, since it's come up, I guess I have to ask: did your son die on the motorcycle? You say it was sudden and now a motorcycle is for sale? I don't know. I'm trying to put two and two together here. I have come to the conclusion that yes, that is what happened.

and i am not good in riding a motorcycle ,

Have you considered taking motorcycle-riding lessons? I am sure that's what he would have wanted. Mom, if something ever happens, please learn to ride this motorcycle to honor my memory, if it's still functional after the accident. I know you are like 60 or whatever, but it would mean a lot to me, in heaven, to see you riding the thing that caused my death.

I am surprised that your reason for not wanting the motorcycle is that you are "not good in riding a motorcycle" as opposed to "my son died on this thing, please get it out of my face."

So i will like to give the bike out to a less privilege person to handle and use it well for life.

"Attention all poor people: You don't have to be poor anymore because there is a free motorcycle available. My son died on it but whatever. Please handle it and use it well for life and motorcycle-ride your way out of poverty." That is how I have written the ad. Does that work?

HONDA 1988 GL1500 MOTORBIKE FOR GIVE AWAY TO A RESPONSIBLE PERSON DUE TO MY SON SUDDEN DEATH IF INTERESTED CONTACT jane.gank2009@yahoo.com

Okay, so I didn't have all the specifics. Let me touch it up a bit.

U RESPONSIBLE AND POOR? HONDA 1988 GL1500 MOTORBIKE THAT KILLED MY SON I MEAN THAT MY SON USED TO RIDE NOW AVAILABLE BECAUSE MY SON'S NOT AROUND ANYMORE BECAUSE HE DIED. SUDDENLY, WASN'T PLANNED. MOTORCYCLE AVAILABILITY A COINCIDENCE. MY NAME IS JANE GANK.

I've been thinking about this a lot ever since you emailed me, Jane Gank. And here's the thing - why pay for a classified ad when you can just leave the motorcycle on the sidewalk or something with the keys in it? Poor people love stealing stuff, and then you don't have to go through the hassle. Just a thought. I'm trying to be sensitive to your situation. Then again, if you did it that way, then you can't convince some idiot there's a free motorcycle available, but the only thing you need is just like $100 to ship it/insure the transaction, so they should just pass along some payment info so you can send out a bike that doesn't exist.

I mean, I would take it myself, but I am also not good in riding a motorcycle. As it were, I'm pouring out some liquor for my fake spam email homies that didn't make it ... see you at the crossroads ... this one's for you, Frank Gank. (p.s.: Was your son's name Frank?)

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