Spam email of the week

Subject: Re: Custom Swimming Products

If there's one thing we're always looking to purchase here - the weekly community newspaper where I work - it's ink paper layout software cameras swimming products. It's like, "Where's that story about the political thing?" and dude be like, "Don't have it yet boss, can't find my swim goggles." Mind you I'm talking about CUSTOM swimming products, not your run-of-the-mill, mass-produced swimming products that you can find at virtually every newspaper. So this email finds me well.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Dear Man/Woman,

We are the producer of swimming products in HK.

The thing I like about Hong Kong-based swim product salespeople is that they are direct and to the point. I realize that's a stereotype, but hey - sometimes stereotypes are true.

It’s well known that an excellent swimmer needs not only great
efforts, but also a set of suitable swimming wear and goggles.

Swimmer: Arg! Despite my great efforts, I have not achieved the desired success attained by my swimming competitors!

Newspaper editor: Have you thought about not wearing a bathrobe when you swim? Also, where are your goggles? You are literally swimming around in circles out there and you have been disqualified from every race ...

Swimmer: Where could I possibly purchase such items? I don't live anywhere near Hong Kong's swim district.

Newspaper editor: I think I can help.

We can provide the latter without doubt.

I translate this sentence to read, "We have goggles but not suitable swimming wear." This is an important translation to remember when you read the very next sentence. SPOILER ALERT: The joke is that they don't know what "latter" means, or by "latter" are referencing all the way back to "great efforts," by which I should expect terrible efforts on their part to get me these swim products? Bonus translation: WE GOTS SWIM GOGGLES, NO DOUBT, KID.

We supply Swim caps,swim wear and swim goggles. For details please contact us freely.

Allow me to utilize this freedom to ask you: what if our newspaper is looking to buy silicone swim caps in bulk with a logo of our newspaper on them for when we go swimming competitively against other newspapers/countries?

For Silicone swim caps with print logo(The price include all fee,free shipping to your office):

1 color Print 
2 color Print
3 color Print
4 color Print

300-399 units


400-599 units

600+ units

1000+ units

2000+ units

For more pricelist please reply and ask me, thanks

You know what? I'm good with this very weird chart, thanks. I am, however, interested to know what organization purchases 2,000 swim caps? That is a lot of swim caps. Must be a very big newspaper. Can you attach an example of a swim cap I can show my publisher so that we can arrive at a mutual decision re: swim caps?

Thanks. Is that Australia or Austria? If the latter, you have offended me greatly with this example since Austrian newspapers are pretty much our biggest swimming rival. Nevertheless, I cannot stress how useful and relevant this email has been for me.