Thursday, December 27, 2012

Spam email of the week

There is a lady at my work who is not very good at email. That seems like a weird thing to say since email is not a thing that a requires a certain skill set. But she is really not good at it. She is not very computer savvy in general, and is not all too concerned about adapting. For her, the fax machine was the last frontier of modern technology. She faxes everything, and is rather proud that she knows her way around a fax machine. It's good that she knows a lot about the fax machine since she is pretty much the only one who uses it. She also does not understand that you can create "folders" on your computer, and -- only because one time somebody taught her how to save documents -- she saves everything to her desktop. When she is not in the office, you can view her desktop, which is an absolute clusterblonk of crap files. It would completely cover her desktop image if she knew how to upload a desktop image. Also, if somebody emails her information that she needs to relay to me, she will print out the email and highlight the important part -- with a highlighter -- instead of just forwarding me the email and allowing me to process the information with my brain.

But the real special part is when she sends an email. Because what she does is: she puts everything in the subject header. I'll get an email that's all like:

Subject: Mike,client wants circulation numbers  ,can you send me brakedown by zipcode thnaks ?

So those are cool emails. I was reminded of this awesomeness when I received this week's spam email, the entirety of which appears in the subject header.

Subject: I am Mrs Sonia Wilson from Alaska.I am suffering from a long time illness which i feel has not give me the power to fulfill my heart desires for the poor people.write back for more details. Sonia.

Because subject headers are only one line, I had to scroll across the length of a football field to read this, but it was worth it, obviously. This is not the first email we've discussed whereby someone is sick, thus preventing them from caring for the poor and placing that responsibility on me, user of email. What can I say -- I am a sucker for fake people who are sick and can't take care of the poor, and I feel it my duty to fulfill that obligation by making fun of this fake person on a blog because this is a terrible scam and waste of everyone's time. It's also important to note that Sonia is SO sick that she cannot move her mouse past the subject header box. So it's probably herpes.

Mrs. Sonia Wilson requests that I write back for more details, but I'm pretty sure I have all the details I need, which are:

- from Alaska (very important)
- long illness (herpes, probs)
- lacking power to fulfill hearts desires

To eliminate a lot of needless correspondence, I have already sent Sonia my credit card information, which she can use to help "the poor people." I'm not sure which poor people, exactly, Sonia plans to help with my money, but I am sure she will use proper judgment. Maybe "the poor people" in Alaska? Like the Ice Road Truckers guys? Are they poor? Probably if they have to do that, right? Is that show even still on?

Get well, Sonia!

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