Thursday, December 06, 2012

Spam email of the week

Subject: Rocket Your Christmas Sales

This is clever verbiage. "Rocket" your Christmas sales, like a Christmas rocket. You know, from the timeless tale, "Christmas Rocket," in which a rocket gets lost in space and almost misses Christmas but is safely brought back to Houston when Santa's sleigh also gets lost in space and they work together and learn about teamwork. I made that all up but it actually sounds pretty good and is totally a holiday special I would watch every year. Somebody make that and give me money for it, thnx.

Rocket Your Christmas Sales

OKAY BUT HOW??

If you want to promote Message Broadcaster this Christmas

I do! What is Message Broadcaster? When is Christmas?

then a good marketing list is crucial.

You're preaching to the choir, junk email. In fact, I asked Santa for a "good marketing list" for Christmas this year, and I am confident that request adequately represents the true meaning of Christmas. He better find a way to email that shizz though because if I get an actual physical list that is so lame.

With Message Broadcaster you can market Message Broadcaster to over 11 million U.S. businesses with ease.

Say that again ...

With Message Broadcaster you can market Message Broadcaster to over 11 million U.S. businesses with ease.

Are you telling me ... wait - one more time ...

With Message Broadcaster you can market Message Broadcaster to over 11 million U.S. businesses with ease.

So let me get this straight. With Message Broadcaster I can market Message Broadcaster? I can market my medium WITH my medium? That is killing 12 birds with one stone. The twelve birds of Christmas. All dead. Outstanding. I am very much looking forward to sending out a generic email to 11 million businesses talking about God knows what and that each business will immediately delete or post to their company blog whereby they make fun of junk email.

We know times are hard for many businesses so we have decided to do something to help.

You know, THAT'S what I'm talking about. It's about time a terrible spam email recognized the true meaning of Christmas and decided to give something back. Times are tough. For example, many businesses on the east coast were badly damaged or destroyed altogether thanks to Hurricane Sandy. Also the economy in general is not helping. It's a struggle for many businesses just to get off the ground, and people who thought they were realizing their dream when they proudly opened their doors were left to watch with great sadness less than a year later when it became evident their dream had failed for reasons that transcended their own valiant effort. All of these factors and more make it heartwarming to know that this email, from John Watkins (info@message-broadcaster.com), is going to do its part to help.

We're giving you unlimited number of marketing lists from our UK and U.S. database for just $5.

Wow, that is just ... the generosity of that action is beyond words. Here, take my five dollars ... wait, you know what? Make it six. No - Five fifty. Times are hard. And hey, I don't even need the list. Actually, give me the list. I have a business to run here. (I don't.)

To make the process even easier we have added our service to fiverr.com

ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Fiverr.com??? This is nothing short of a Christmas miracle! I feel like the little boy from A Christmas Carol who is shocked when he walks past Ebeneezer Scrooge's house and is told from the window, "Boy, go buy the biggest turkey at the butcher, and to make the process even easier, order it at fiverr.com!"

where you can order with all the safeguards of the fiverr buying process.

"Please, send us your money with the peace of mind that, probably, no one will steal your identity. It's the least we can do." -- John Watkins, non-person

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