Spam email of the week

Subject: RE:Re:1Promotional giftsStage lighting Downtown lights up with Glendale Glitters spectacular ...

This email is regarding something regarding something. That something is Glendale Glitters, a holiday celebration in Glendale, the city where I work. The extent of my role in Glendale Glitters is that I have attended it with my family a few times. Oh, also I am in charge of the lighting for the event, I guess?

Hi Manager,

Stop. You had me at "Hi Manager." It's like this email is speaking directly to me, as if it knows everything about me, all of my inner secrets, hopes, dreams, wishes, fears, aspirations, my name ...

Good day. I am Doris from Flystar Lighting Co., Ltd.

Hi Doris. I am Manager from Company That Has Nothing To Do With What You Are Proposing.

We specialize in stage lighting production with high quality & very competitive price.

This is very relevant to me, Doris. I want to hear more, as I am very familiar with stage lighting and electricity in general and how it works. I know that to get electricity you put the wires into the socket holes or whatever and then the lights go on because of the science.

We have been deal with BKL company for 5 years.

I don't know what that means. Is that impressive? I feel somewhat insufficient for not knowing all the
acronyms for the big lighting production companies out there. But here's something I do know: Five years is a very, very, very long time. If I am going to commit to a lighting production company -- and I'm not because it's not what I do and I have no idea what is happening right now -- I want to go with one that has five years experience deal(ing) with a different company I am equally unfamiliar with.

Hope to be one of your lighting supplier in the nearly future.

Listen, Doris, I'll make you a deal. If I ever enter the field of stage lighting production, I promise that you will be like the third or fourth "person" I call -- I want to explore other options first -- provided that, in the meantime, you learn how to communicate like someone who wasn't dropped on earth three seconds ago.

Write me back  please, Let's talk more in details.

See that what's I'm talking about. You really need to fix that.

As if this email wasn't convincing enough, Doris ends with a fantastic color picture featuring the big shots (PUN) of stage lights -- The Stage XB Stalwart 300, MonsterLite Max VI, and other lights with names I have made up. Better yet, the lights themselves appear to be posing for grade school Glamor Shots. This picture is best experienced by imagining that all of these lights have parents that have given wallet size versions of their respective photos out the rest of their light families. Good day.