Thursday, November 15, 2012

Spam email of the week

Subject: Creative Design and Development Services

Seems somewhat legitimate -- and exciting! -- right? This email is from a person, or something, called "Janvi." It's also in giant blue font.

Hello,

Hello.

Greetings of the day!

Greetings of the day to you, too? I have never heard this expression. Did "Hello" not qualify?

My name is Janvi, and I am working as a Business Development Manager in a Firm.

Like, THE firm? The one where they tried to kill Tom Cruise? That is dangerous, Janvi! Get out of there while you can! You can't, you say? You're in too deep? That sucks. Oh well, we might as well discuss a search engine optimization plan.

We are a Web Design and Development firm based in India, with over 4 years of experience.

I like how you bolded it and all, but four years isn't that many years, Janvi. Also, India? I KNOW you're not talking about outsourcing o'er here. Mo fo I work in Arizona -- we officially recognized Martin Luther King Day last week. We sure as heck ain't sending any business to India, wherever that is. So that's off the table. Still, preach your game.

Since your company offers Web Design and Development services to its clients,

It does not. But go on.

may I propose a business association between my firm and yours?

You may. I will assume that in India, weekly community newspapers are described as firms. Also I sincerely hope this proposal includes/IS a chart because I am a moron.

Our primary focus is around:-
  
Is that a face, Janvi? Or did you add a hyphen for no reason? Where is the smile? First you wish me all the greetings of the day and now you can't even preface a chart with a smiley face? MIXED SIGNALS. Whatever. Here :-) It's called diplomacy.

SEO
Web Design
Web Development
PPC
Flash Design
Graphic Designs
Link Building
Database programming
E-Commerce Solutions

This is my favorite chart that has ever existed. How long did this take to put together? Six weeks? Seven weeks? A thousand weeks? For someone touting web design expertise, the proof is certainly in the proverbial pudding of this chart. Mmmm ... pudding chart. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, this chart. What does it mean? Are some of these categories or are they all just things? It doesn't matter -- I am sold. Expect a call from my firm shortly, just as soon as we finish putting this article together about the local wildlife photo contest winners -- an article that, coincidentally, is lacking SIGNIFICANTLY in e-commerce solutions.

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