Spam email of the week

Subject: Very important to you! is not spam

I know we call this feature "Spam email of the week," but this email, according to this email, is not spam, so my apologies. It ended up in my junk mail folder and it was sent by, or if you prefer, -- those are just too many dots -- and which are both people or things I am unfamiliar with. Nevertheless, not spam. And not only is this not spam, it is very important to me. ! I am therefore assuming this is about my family or fantasy football team(s).

Hello, I would like to offer you the best email list today on the market,

ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? How lucky am I? The best email list on the market? I don't know what I did to deserve this -- other than periodically check my junk email folder to see what dumbass nonsense was in there -- but my hard work has obviously paid off.

Just a few questions: a) What constitutes the best email list? Is it better than the one I currently have, which features all of my aunts and uncles and a few people I haven't spoken to in a long time and people I don't recall meeting at all but somehow they got in there? I mean, I have my uncle Tom's WORK email on there, and he doesn't give that out to just anybody. Your list is better than that? Hard to imagine. Also, b) what is an email list? Is that like, for sales or something? I am not in sales. This is not important to me. c) How did I get on your email list? I don't know who you are and I don't like you and I am not in sales. Please take me off. After you send me the email list, obvs.

please visit our website and good sales

Is that a terrible sentence or a salutation? If the latter, it feels sort of old timey to me. I picture two men in top hats walking down the street in 1900 ...

Man 1: Good day, fine sir! Tips top hat, notices man is opening the door to a window store. And good sales!

Man 2: Good day to you, too, my good man! Tips top hat, notices man is opening the door to a top hat store. And good sales!

Man 1: Thank you! But I mop the floors here.

Man 2: Please visit our website!

Man 1: What does that mean?

Man 2: I do not know.

I actually clicked on this link as it was embedded into the email and it did nothing. And by nothing I mean absolutely nothing; like it didn't even pretend it was going to open a page or whatever. This made me think that maybe some firewall was preventing it from opening and destroying all the hard drives in our office. Or it could be there are just too many dots in there, as I had previously feared.


One word. And no, thank YOU. This was indeed very important to me, in the sense that it was useless and annoying and I wanted it to go away immediately.

Anyway, thanks everyone for stopping by today, and good sales to those who enjoyed it! To those who did not -- you are a terrible salesperson and I hope you get fired. No offense.