Friday, October 26, 2012

Spam email of the week (Pt. II)

Subject: Hello

Of course the subject is "Hello." "Hello" is a topic of conversation and not a mere salutation in Spambot Land, where the money is free and the rivers flow with the blood of the identity-less.

Hi!
I am Ms minnie how are you!


HI MS MINNIE I AM GOOD AND YOU? GOOD ARE YOU THE MOUSE OR AN EVIL SPAMBOT OR BOTH? NICE WEATHER TODAY GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM

hope you are fine and in perfect condition of
health
.

Actually, Ms. Minnie, if you really want to know, I have been battling some acid reflux -- do you not follow my blog? -- and recently my jaw started experiencing this weird, sharp pain and also my toe nails are just ... they're not healthy, is all I can really say there. Overall I am fine though, thanks.

please do not be upset by receiving this email from me as we never
meet or know each other before.


What upsets me, mostly, is that sentence. Listen, Ms. Minnie -- if you're going to send out emails to people you don't know and are already anxious about this becoming a source of frustration for them, the least you can do is come correct with the grammar, y'namean? "as we never meet or know each other before ... ?" I want to physically remove that "sentence" from this email and set it on fire in the desert and leave it there to rot and then pour gasoline on the ashes and burn it again. No, I'm not upset. Please continue.

I will be waiting for your mail because i
have something VERY important to tell you,


You know what, Ms. Minnie? I'm just going to say it -- if it were THAT important, you'd tell me now. Forget this.















Seriously though what is it? The secret to life? JFK? Biggie? TELL ME I CAN WORK FROM HOME MAKING $5,000 A MONTH, GO AHEAD SAY IT! You win, I am emailing you back now. Where should I send the email? I have never done this before ...

please write to me through my
private mail box
:

Sounds nasty. This email is from "miine4lov@gmail.com" but I'm supposed to reply to "mine4love@gmail.com." Which one is your private mail box -- the one that is bullshit or the one that is bullshit? Now I am upset. I don't usually curse. My toe nail just cracked in half. I will have to get back to you later.

*Hat tip to Don D. for the spam*

1 comment:

Blogger said...

Just received a check for $500.

Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them about how much you can get by taking paid surveys at home...

So I show them a video of myself getting paid $500 for doing paid surveys to set the record straight.