Classic card of the week

Jeff Kaiser, 1989 Fleer

Like me circa about an hour ago, you may think you know everything about former Major League Baseball player Jeff Kaiser. Sure, there are the jokes like, “No, not the composer and trumpet player Jeff Kaiser, who can be followed at—the baseball player, dummy!” Honestly, that joke is so clichĂ© and hacky at this point, I won’t even go there.

What I am here to tell you is: set your ego aside for a second because, no—I don’t think you know everything there is to know about Jeff Kaiser, a.k.a. the Kaismeister. For example, did you know he was called the Kaismeister by his close friends and relatives? Oh, you did know that? Well guess what? You are a lying sack of doo-doo because I made that up. See? That’s what I’m talking about. Work with me here.

Let us begin.

DID YOU KNOW? Tied for lead in saves with Colorado Springs farm team…

Okay, yeah well, that is a bad example. I mean, everybody knows that. I don’t even know why they included this tidbit. This would be like a Bucky Dent card that began, “DID YOU KNOW? Hit home run that helped earn Yankees the win in one-game playoff versus Red Sox in 1978 …” IT’S ONLY THE THING HE’S MOST FAMOUS FOR. Sheesh. If you’re asking yourself questions like, “How many saves?” or “What year did this happen?” or “Who was the co-leader?” or “What?” then you should probably stop reading, because you obviously know nothing about baseball.

Came to Indians in 1987 trade with Oakland for pitcher Curt Wardle …

Okay, see here’s where it gets interesting. History remembers this as the famous “Wardle-to-A’s” trade. Only the most die-hard fan recalls that Kaiser was on the other end of this blockbuster. Kaiser came out of the Cleveland gates ablaze, posting a 16.20 ERA in three and a third innings pitched. Wardle, however, never pitched for the A’s. So who’s “Moneyball” now, Billy Pitt?

Set record at Western Michigan for season wins (10) as sophomore…

Why don’t you do me a big favor and go and familiarize yourself with the Western Michigan records books, m’kay? I think you’ll see a certain name plastered all over its pages. I don’t want to give anything away, but it begins, appropriately, with a “K.” It ends in “asier.” First name is “Jeff.” Played baseball. At Western Michigan. Ring any bells?

Okay, so I think I pretty much proved that you did not know everything there is to know about Jeff Kaiser. I’m glad you finally came around. Now, shall we check his pre- and post-All-Star break splits from the year (not given)? Yes, let’s!

Okay, so yeah. Before the All-Star break, he did nothing. Then he took a nap. Then after the All-Star break, he … wasn’t around, I guess? I’m wondering if this graphic, in this particular instance, was absolutely necessary.

Did you know?

You do now.