Classic card of the week

Shaquille O’Neal, 1995 Upper Deck

Please do not disturb Shaquille O’Neal when he is stylin’ and profilin’, especially by doing something stupid like trying to reach him on his modestly sized car phone. For crying out loud, if Shaquille O’Neal wants to style and profile with the assistance of a car phone, he will simply pick it up and perpetrate like he is talking -- he doesn’t need you calling him up asking him questions! Shaquille O’Neal has the good sense to end this conversation by launching his car phone onto the Orlando highway, which is exactly what he would do if there weren’t a 20-foot cord attached. Today is Shaquille O’Neal’s only day off this week, and all he wants to do is throw on as many colors as possible, hop into his drop-top Benz -- which he will allow his friend to drive today, because you can’t be drivin,’ stylin,’ and profilin’ all at the same time…that is too much! -- bump some Fu-schnikens out the speakers, and cruise down the boulevard. Is that too much to ask?

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “This Shaquille O’Neal fellow, he looks familiar…where have I seen him before?” Well, maybe you have heard of a new fad called “hip-hop,” of which Shaquille O’Neal is prominently involved. Allow the back of the card to explain:

His “Shaq-Fu” album was a hot seller in the hip-hop market…

This is true, if by “hip-hop market” they are referring to 11-year old white kids with an allowance who are curiously intrigued as to why their favorite 7’2” basketball player is trying to rap. But “Shaq Fu” would have the last laugh, as it won a Grammy in 1995 for “Best Gimmick.” But maybe that does not refresh your memory. Where else have you seen him? Hmmm…

…and his appearance in the basketball movie “Blue Chips” was an admirable performance for the first time actor.

Shaquille O’Neal’s role in “Blue Chips” involved him dunking a basketball approximately 17 times and occasionally stylin’ and profilin,’ which he did to rave reviews, such as the one you see above. Luckily, this led to Kazaam, and by “luckily,” I mean for the purposes of making fun of Shaquille O’Neal. Not for Shaquille O’Neal personally. Oh, one more thing:

On or off the court, Shaquille O’Neal is one of the most stylin’ players in the league.

Whether it was a tie-dyed shirt, a Cross Colors bandanna, or a pair of silver dollar gag glasses, Shaquille O’Neal was widely considered the Kanye West of his day when it came to fashion. The back of the card however, curiously ignores any “profilin’” statistical data, but I’m sure he was adept at that as well.

Oh, and he also played basketball. Until 2005.

Did you know?
Objects in mirror may be less gangsta' than they appear.

Thanks for the card, Eric!


Jason said…
If he was really gansta in 1995 he would have been listening to Dogg Food by Tha Dogg Pound.
CMB said…
Holy crap - who told him that was a good idea? That is friggin hilarious! Do you know Aunt Patti had a phone like that once in her car? Ask her about it...