Classic card of the week

*Special “Let’s Make Fun of the Cowboys and Hope That the Giants Have a Chance This Weekend!” edition
Michael Irvin, 1991 Pro Line, Portraits Series

When Michael Irvin would leave his not-at-all-gaudy mansion for practice, he would often stop on his all-white spiral staircase, stare into one of his walls made entirely of mirrors, and run through his personal checklist:

Spandex capris?
Over-sized wrist-sweat prevention devices?
Money on the nightstand?
Ya’ know what? On second thought, I’m gonna leave the football here. This is MY football and they probably have footballs at practice that I can use. Yeah, I’m gonna leave it here.
Fresh racing stripes on the side of my head?
General feeling of unchallenged superiority, fueled by years at “the ‘U,’” the accuracy of Troy Aikman, and the unwillingness of my peers to gloat after every single play they make?
Double-check. I’m out!

Of course, we kid with Michael Irvin. The truth of the matter is that, when it came to football, Michael Irvin was all business. Don’t believe me? Check out his mad-deep philosophy taken from the back of this card:

The mental game is the most important part of it. You have to sit there the Monday before a game and think about everything that possibly could happen. You play the whole game again Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and then Saturday you just relax. Sunday, everything you’ve thought about doing is so much easier, because you’ve already thought about it. You won’t make a play unless you’ve actually dreamed about it first.

Irvin’s proactive philosophy of relentless contemplation has provided a blueprint to athletes marred by the inability to want to go to practice. On occasions that Michael Irvin would miss a block, or simply pull up short on a deep route, he would explain afterwards to the coaching staff that he hadn’t actually dreamed of making that particular play during the week, and thus couldn’t do it. This was understood. Especially by Barry Switzer, who was also a deep thinker.

Did you know?
When Michael Irvin was relaxing from thinking on Saturdays, it often resulted in a court date.

A big thanks to Jason, for the newly received shipment of ridonkulously awesome football cards, such as this one!


Jason said…
Word up! My pleasure to contribute content to this most awesome bliggity blog. I got more where they came from, so keep making with funny words and the world will be a better place.

Go Giants!
mkenny59 said…
whoa! slow down! i can't keep up with all these comments!!!
CMB said…
Should I put those stripes in David's hair?

In all seriousness, I voted for you on Take a look...