Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Classic card of the week
Sedale Threatt, 1992-93 Stadium Club
I KNOW you ain’t lookin’ at Sedale Threatt.
-- Sedale Threatt
When not just chillin,’ Sedale Threatt could be found leading the Los Angeles Lakers in various statistical categories. Or, making babies. One of Threatt’s former lovers accused him of having “as many as 14” children. Said Threatt in response, “Accused? What, is it a crime to reproduce?” Sedale Threatt would later find out that, yes, it is a crime to reproduce, as he was sentenced to six months in prison back in 2000 for failing to pay child support. Nevertheless, one of Threatt’s offspring, Sedale, Jr., plays quarterback at Leigh University. As for the others…do they play sports? Then who cares?
But such is not the legacy of Sedale Threatt. For he was much more than fertile. History will remember Sedale Threatt as the man who replaced Magic Johnson as point guard of the Lakers in 1991. So there’s th-…wait. Wait a second. I’m sorry…that is incorrect. History has actually forgotten about that, which is weird (and very unlike history, if you ask me). This is embarrassing. Let’s move on.
Also earning Sedale Threatt notoriety was his physical likeness to that of Nick Van Exel, who would ironically replace Threatt as point guard of the Los Angeles Lakers. Before that happened however, Sedale Threatt became the greatest Lakers player ever, which is obvious from the scoring system on the back of this very card. According to “The Sporting News’ Skills Rating System” -- which is a complex rating system of “out of 5” that utilizes unofficial statistical data and the opinions of Tom Arnold -- Sedale Threat earned high scores in every category, including a 4.2 for “Ball Handling” (he could dribble through his legs…multiple times!), a 4.1 for “Leadership” (not as leadery as Magic, but more leadery than Mike Dunleavy), a 4.3 for “Shooting Range” (only weakness was over-the-backboard shot), and, of course, a 4.5 for “Defense” (minus .5 for his defense during child support hearings). Basically, if this were “Dancing With the Stars,” Bruno would be telling Sedale Threatt that “he moves like a cheetah with the ferocity of a jam dunk, and the sexiness of a piping hot pizza pie!”*
Did you know?
Sedale Threatt taught Carlos Boozer how to have chest hair.
* For the record, I do not watch “Dancing With Stars” (for the most part). But I do watch “The Soup.”