Thursday, August 11, 2016

Internet teaser links of the week


MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE NBA SCORE IS 114-97, RAPTORS

WELL IT’S AT LEAST IN MY TOP 14

SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, YOU BET YOUR ASS I HOVE SEEN NUMBER 7

I WILL CLICK ON DUDESHARE ANYWAY THO BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS BRING THE REALNESS

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AFTER BROWSING DUDESHARE I WILL HEAD OVER TO UDDERLYPETTABLE TO SEE WHAT I CANNOT DO WHEN I RUN INTO A PEACOCK-CHICKEN HYBRID

SEEMS HELPFUL

THIS IS ME WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS RUNNING INTO A PEACOCK-CHICKEN ON A NATURE WALK:

“STAY CALM EVERYONE I KNOW WHAT TO DO I SAW THIS ON UDDERLYPETTABLE”

(DIES)

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“HI MY NAME IS GRAHAM YOU CAN SEE MY INSIDES FROM THIS WEIRD SHIRT-LIKE THING I CALL MY SKIN BECAUSE I AM PREDISPOSED TO SURVIVING CAR CRASHES IN FACT I AM THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN SURVIVE A CAR CRASH”

“MY COUSIN FRANK SURVIVED A CAR CRASH”

“YEAH OK IT WAS PROBABLY A FENDER-BENDER BESIDES CAN FRANK DO THIS (PULLS BEATING HEART OUT OF CHEST)

“OMG (VOMITS)

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“GOOD MORNING BOSS MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING TARDY BUT SHENANIGANS ON THE INTERSTATE PROVED BURDENSOME NEVERTHELESS I AM HERE NOW AND UNENCUMBERED BY MY PREVIOUS QUAGMIRE”

“WOW I AM PROMOTING YOU TO CHIEF GRAMMAR OFFICER OF THIS SUBWAY”

“DREAMS REALLY DO COME TO FRUITION”

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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NO WAY YOU COULD EVER GIVE UP LULULEMON

COMES A BACKLESS SLEEVELESS HOODED SWEATSHIRT

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN LULULEMON IS SO TWO THOUSAND AND LATE

MORE LIKE LOLLOLEMON

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RIP LADY WHO GOT THE CREDIT ALERTS

“SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND KIND, HER ONLY MISTAKE IN LIFE WAS GETTING THE CREDIT ALERTS” – KOBE BRYANT DELIVERING EULOGY FOR LADY WHO GOT THE CREDIT ALERTS

“A REMEMBRANCE OF HER LIFE ENTITLED ‘TOP 14 TIMES WHATSHERFACE DIDN’T CHECK THE GRAMMAR APP TO DEFINE LITERALLY’ WILL BE AVAILABLE ON DUDESHARE LATER THIS AFTERNOON”

2 comments:

troy said...

Ha ha ha! Oh my God, you are TOO funny! I really enjoyed that column, as I do all of what you write, and also your hair. I guess you've just got a kind face, the kind people can trust, the kind that says that you are a good dude, who would help a friend, or even acquaintance, if you could. With anything, really. Just part of the reason you are so beloved.

So, um, listen, you think you can help me meet that grammar app. Because I know the picture's kinda small, but she looks SMOKIN' hot.

mkenny59 said...

Sure, I will talk to grammar app for you. I should warn you, however, that she is VERY parsimonious yet also imperious. Good luck.