Spam email of the week

Subject: ARE YOU STILL ALIVE??

Depends. Is there spam email in heaven?

GOOD DAY TO YOU,
We are writing to know if it's true that you are DEAD.

Not going to beat that intro. If I’m spam email, I’m retiring now, going out on top.

Because we received a notification from one Mr. John of USA stating that you are DEAD

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Do NOT listen to anything Mr. John of USA has to say. That guy is full of sh*t. He’s the same guy who told me Bobby McFerrin committed suicide. I think people only listen to him because he has a name you can trust. But his information is consistently erroneous.

and that you have given him the right to claim your $ 1.5 United States Dollar fund

LOL yeah like I’m gonna give Mr. John of USA, of all people, my $1.5 million. You know, when I received my First Holy Communion, and used those savings bonds to start my first United States Dollar fund, I accepted with that the responsibility of being a good steward of that money. Pretty sure I make better choices than that. We’re not even related.

Here is the account information he provided,
Account Name: John ......,

But I can’t say I blame you for reaching out. He certainly made everything appear legit.

Account No # 4264449103 ....
Swift code is: NRTHUS33XXX ,,,, and stated your fund should be transferred to him, He said you died in a CAR accident,

That’s classic Mr. John of USA – just yelling things to get his point across. It works with “DEAD” but “CAR” is a DEAD giveaway the guy has no clue.

YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL.

Oh of course—that was obvious when you began this email by delicately approaching a sensitive topic by asking if I was DEAD. In fact, I thought a good summary of this correspondence would be to just list the things written in ALL CAPS:

GOOD DAY TO YOU

DEAD

DEAD

NRTHUS33XXX

CAR

YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL

The eloquence of this email suggests it was written by the head of some type of committee …

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Keith Jaroslav
Head of Committee

I knew it. Anyway, I am alive thnx.